12/04/2024 A STORY Small-minded Alfred was torn. It wasn’t a question of whether the dish could be improved, but rather a matter of principle. This was a man who sliced his carrots horizontally, if you know what I mean. Thin circular disks, the old-fashioned way. Yesterday, Alfred overheard his niece explaining that the protein in lentils activates only if cooked with rice. “And who told you that? A grain of rice?” Hovering by the sink, Alfred paws at his neck tie and slides the top button of his shirt through the slim, starched button hole. No. Tonight it’ll be lamb shanks. Silverware! 12/04/2024 A TRUE STORY When I was about 10 years old I took a long-haul flight. There was a technical problem with the network so only a few films were available to watch on-board. The only film that appealed to me as a 10 year old was Shrek. So I watched Shrek 7 times B2B and ever since I have had the Shrek theme tune stuck in my head. Not like, in the foreground (there is space for other songs to get stuck in my head too), but every day at some point the melody will clamber from the depths of my subconscious and whisper its tune in my ear. Every day for 22 years. Can you even imagine. If you'd like me to hum or sing it to you I'd be happy to.