i'm feeling really confused about myself and everything in me, what i feel and what i don't feel, this simultaneous peace and restlessness. part of me is scared and part of me isn't. it's hard just to put words to it. to name it. there is an aching in my body and i don't know what the medicine is but somehow i know i have felt this before. something stored but not always felt. a quiet hum in the background of everything. i don't know what i want but i trust that leaning into unknowing will lead to finding out.