28.10.2025 there is a part of me that feels like a deserter, guilty of leaving rather than fighting, but life is, as they say, short and I need to find out what a sense of peace might do to me. from my time in the UK I will bring back a new surname, a confused vocabulary, a man and a dog (neither of which speak my language) 15.08.2025 this year I didn't want to celebrate my birthday as a matter of fact I never wanted to celebrate my birthday but since it's considered strange to opt out of joyous things I always did it, reluctantly & small ~~r u depressed~~ anyway I'm old now and don't mind being seen as strange two of my friends gave me a card with a picture of an ostrich and, in the same envelope, two pebbles --- it's laconic woman summer/autumn/winter baby spring is different --- it's not lavender it's magenta enveloping the everyday real fears and those ancient inscribed within our cells softly humming in dimly lit spaces reminding us honey we are still in the cave everything was beautiful seen through you and now a spade is a spade like 5am after a rave and you stopped drinking a while ago because you think senses should sharpen slowly and whilst still softened by the dark (I agree) if I was your cave girlfriend I would find a perfect stick and draw you a perfect mammoth in the sand certainly we’d have hunger then but not the same hunger as now