AXEL @starbits
Time waits for no one.
↑( ゚д゚)ハァ?
2025-3-11:
At least I get to “stay young forever” if I never really grew up.
Hey, you’re like Saeki.
2025-3-7:
I mean, I don’t feel 14.
I never felt 13 either. Or 12.
I think I stopped growing at 10.
2025-2-25:
In… about two day’s time. But really we’re doing it on Saturday.
If you think about it, the open-endedness of Kafka on the Shore is a blessing. As someone who crushes hard on Kafka Tamura… but don’t tell anyone!
I’m doing a project on that book. It was nice. Not as bad as Madoka Magica where I cried so hard parts of me went numb and my chest hurt, and I was crying for 20 minutes on the last episode… but it made me smile. I enjoyed the nostalgic feel of the summer setting, the mysterious mood of the unfamiliar settings, the whole idea of… well, “15-year-old boy runs away from home,” that whole thing? It’s coming really easy to me, and my sister helped with what didn’t. I’ll use Summer Time Record for the song part though. It reminds me of Saeki and Kafka.
2025-2-24:
You see how even if it’s in the second person perspective, it’s not bold anymore?
That’s because he’s the boy named Crow now. Kafka grew into the role of his role-model.
And just think about it now, I… I’m so proud.
2025-2-13:
I don’t like him after all.
Happy valentines!
—
Sex ed is a little awkward, I’ll admit. I’m s’posed to be mature but I’m giggling like I’m 6.
—
So we can mention other users now? Cool! I don’t think I’ll use it though… you know how it is, “surrounded by everyone, yet utterly alone.” I’m not 14 yet, so I’ve got NO CLUE why I’m acting so deep and misunderstood.
I mean I shop at Hot Topic already. That has to count towards something. But you listen to Vocaloid and Touhou Doujins…!
—
I had my username changed to HolixontheShore instead. You know… to reference Kafka on the Shore.
—
“I need to bleach my ears.” I know I almost fainted reading Kafka on the Shore. But please grow up.
2025-2-6:
Keychains entered production on the 4th. Grandpa’s birthday is on the 9th. Draw something for him.
I’m going to write a summary of Kafka on the Shore, from where I am now. I hope it helps me with the project. The project is in the 24th. Aim to finish my the 20th?
Your birthday is days away. Huh, I forgot that…
2025-2-4:
I wrote it. I just don’t remember where he sat. What am I gonna tell the teacher? “Do you know where… um… I think his name was Van, sits?” PERFECT. You got this, Ax.
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I’m always imagining my truer-to-life persona having a boyfriend named Apollo. And every time he’s been an introverted bookworm with glasses and a tendency to ruffle her hair. What could this mean! I’m hopelessWho said that. Must’ve been the wind.
It was a really unlikely move on my end but I ended up imagining Apollo as Korean. I don’t really even have an interest in anything Korean…
How did I get the log length limit from that?
—
I’m too scared for any of that. I’ll probably back out. I mean… it’s already too late! I failed.
—
Never trying that again. I mean I still have it. I just. Won’t do that again. I feel sicker than when the thoughts were still fresh.
2025-2-3:
I’m gonna write him a little note. And hope that on Tuesday when I get there early as usual, he doesn’t suspect I put the note on the desk.
Anyways. I read ahead of my English class— I finished Flowers for Algernon. Algernon died. Charlie would put flowers on the mouse’s grave every week. Algernon… maybe he was just a mouse. But that mouse was his mouse. Algernon was a friend…
Charlie regressed back to square one. The humiliation was too much so he decided to move to New York. It was melancholic but not too much to where I’d cry. He’s not a real person but I wish him the best, of course.
2025-2-1:
I keep thinking of the boy who’s used to sit next to me in English before the seating chart was reshuffled. I don’t really know much about him other than the fact he seems to like to go snowboarding. But I think he’s cute or something? He’s blonde and definitely taller than me. I’m trying not to think of him but it’s starting to get like my video game character scenarios. I’m trying my hardest not to think of myself with this boy as I talk to him about things he probably wouldn’t know or give a fuck about.
He seemed nice for the time we sat next to each other… I don’t know why I’m thinking of him specifically, but I’m pretty sure I don’t have a crush on him. I hope the feeling goes away, this is really embarrassing…
I considered writing him a letter, more like a note… and it was gonna be like “Don’t take this the wrong way but I think you’re cool… I hope it genuinely doesn’t go farther than that but I thought I’d feel better if I got it off my chest.”
I kinda wanna write it… ah, we thought you were over boys for now, Angela. You… need to stop. Axel, Tel, I’m so sorry— I don’t really know either, it’s weird…
2025-1-30:
My memory’s a little hazy all the time, so I don’t even remember if Tam’s birthday was yesterday, or the 28th.
So… Kafka’s dad is. Dead. Um… maybe Nakata did it? No, maybe not… I can’t remember if him waking up bloodied came BEFORE or AFTER the cat-killer shenanigans. Regardless, Mr. Tamura’s dead??? Maybe Kafka really DID do it. But the question’s HOW…?
Oshima’s confusing me a lot. So he’s biologically female and he’s um… he presents masculine right? He has female organs, but his chest never really developed n he doesn’t get periods. Is he transitioning??? Glad for him, you know. I’m just confused. He didn’t say it outright, but that’s what I’ll guess. GO OSHIMA!!!
Log limit. Here— actually, I’ll move the archive link down.
OHHH guys? They released a new brawler. He’s a MYTHIC WHAT I think he’s cute lol. I think he’d get along well with Brock.
I love being a shitty Brock main <3
You think I could call this my live diary? I think I’d have two at once then: my blog, which I fill out at the end of the day when I want to… and this log, which I fill out during classes. It’s like when I used to use a physical diary. A big notebook I wrote in all during class. It’s extremely, extremely personal in there. Some dirty stuff. Like sexual thoughts. So I won’t ever drop it on the net, ew… 7th grade me was a freak.
Log limit again! Whaaat.
2025-1-29:
HAPPPY BIRTHDAY TAM!!!! I stayed up all night until 12AM for her to open my birthday gift and she loved it so much she set it as her PFP. Living.
I have to make some kinda AR game/app concept and mine is just Tetris IRL LOL. Uhhh I’m working with two others I don’t think they’ll be much help but that’s okay. If I need to do all the work I will. They’re cool anyways. I’m really happy with the menu sketches.
Hit limit. Again.
Apparently some guy killed his wife and is now running off with his two kids to Mexico. So um… shit. Lightning doesn’t strike twice (okay maybe it does on the 3DS EShop) but HERE? If a third bad thing happens around school I’m gonna be too scared to… um… do things. We went on secure campus for a brief moment but I’m still scared, okay? Like. I bike home and to school. I’m fucked.
iPad’s at 36%. Gotta go! Save my battery for English… mmp…
Archive: https://docs.google.com/document/d/11KjPvu1tXQSQ21hocMK2k3IKghZE7wb_87QNl9awU5o/edit
view the source
List of things to rework
- General Axel Catalog stuff
- Down the Temporal Rabbit-Hole
- That one AOAS review I wrote at 2AM
- Xinyi’s Cascade Academy
- [REMOVED FOR: association with person i no longer associate with]
- Iro-Chan’s TODAY
- CYANO
- Neo Radar (either redo or take inspiration due to it being an underbaked collaboration)
- “Xiao Wu is my Homie”
- ANTHEMHOLIC’S Azure Striker Gunvolt 4: Timely!
Things I gotta try
- Card-en-Ciel (Deck-buildin’ kinda game like MMSF/MMBN)
- Gunslinger Girl (Manga)
- Pixel Gun 3D (but on my laptop now)
- MW2 (doesn’t matter which version but maybe the reboot cause i like reboot soap and his thicker accent gujsjsjsh ahahahaha mm)
- Watching all of Strong Bad Email
- Watching To Me, the One Who Loved You
- Figuring out which Kamen Rider I want to start with (I WROTE KAMEN AND THEY KNEW I WAS GONNA FOLLOW UP WITH RIDER AND IM GRINNING EAR TO EAR)
- Playing Mirror’s Edge
- Doing research on um. Greek Mythology
List of anime movies that defined a whole season for me
- A Silent Voice
- Weathering With You
- Suzume
- Your Name
- The Girl Who Leapt Through Time
call it reverie bodega
- Solid - Butaotome
- Junjou Armeria - Shinra-Bansho
- Unmeisen-jou no Aria - Shinra-Bansho
- ELECTRICAL COMMUNICATION - GANASIA
- God Knows… - Haruhi Suzumiya (CV: Aya Hirano)
- Kyouen- Butaotome
- Tsurupettan - Silver Forest
- Dark Magic Girl - Silver Forest
- Cirno’s Perfect Math Class - IOSYS
- Usatei 20XX - COOL&CREATE
- Silvia - Janne da Arc
- HEAVEN - Janne da Arc
Weird Axel Tendencies
- Putting my favorite image of any character I’m currently simping over on my second monitor as I do things on the net
- Using uncommon, cool-sounding words to make myself sound cool and deep and interesting
- Whenever the first item on the list is in-action, I typically act more hyper and energetic
- Adding onto the previous item, I tend to act embarrassed whenever I do something stupid
- No matter how much I try to convince myself, I think anything in my room with eyes are constantly watching me and judging my every move negatively (EX: Figures, drawings, the image on my second monitor)
- Whining like an anime character
- Saying sorry like a Canadian
- Saying “fuckin’ hell” in a way to ease up to eventually saying “bloody hell” even if I’m not British
- Holding my phone against my chest— slamming it against my chest in some cases when I turn my phone on and find it open to a certain game wiki
- Rambling to myself online and embarrassing myself
- Referring to myself in the 3rd person
- When I talk in 3rd-person its like a whole conversation sometimes
Things I like to think of that make me feel deep and philosophical
- Time— it’s temporary nature, time paradoxes, time travel, parallel universes
- Nighttime— it’s serene atmosphere, the moon, nostalgia
- Immortality— how it tends to be seen as a blessing but is quite obviously also a curse, reminds me of the moon and Kaguya Houraisan
youve got a weird facination that goes only surface-deep huh
- airplanes
- scotland
- heaven
- hell
- religion in general (an atheist)
flesh-deep obsessions
- rabbits
- the moon
- space
- the stars
- time
- internet
- cirrus clouds on the summer sky
- john mactavish from cod
- time's fleeting nature
- what happens after death
My FAVORITE books (from what I can remember)
- Thunderhead (Neal Shusterman)
- Kafka on the Shore (Haruki Murakami)
- The Someday Birds (Sally J. Pla)
- Frozen Charlotte (Alex Bell)
My FAVORITE games I think
- Azure Striker Gunvolt 2
- Mega Man Star Force
- Mega Man X7
- Mega Man X8
- MW2 (Reboot version, never played ; ^^)