Thinking about how I could see the Bundestag through the conference room’s front window. Thinking about the small pastries arrayed on a tray for the duration of the meeting; thinking about the sense of superiority derived from making it through the whole day without eating a single one. Thinking about eating a couple of cookies from the snack table in the rented corporate office, though, and thinking about E’s advice that eating gluten in Europe doesn’t make her sick because the problem isn’t the gluten, it’s some other bread protein resulting from America’s particular strain of GMO monoculture. Thinking about kissing at the intersection of art and technology. Thinking about that characteristic art-world lack of affect amplified tenfold across a language barrier. Thinking about how Facebook and VK are aesthetically identical but the relative affordances for expression on each platform are so different; VK sounds like the Wild West to Facebook’s topdown limitation. Thinking about inverted mirrors. Thinking about a rating system like Moody’s but for evaluating the “toxicity” of media assets, rating the potential infectiousness of various visual cultures. Thinking about the tightness of all these artists’ aesthetic signaling, and of how all it really takes is one good coat. Thinking about poptimism, which I haven’t since that spring in Greenpoint. Thinking about the redemption of a perfectly-timed chance encounter reminding me that even when I don’t feel beautiful, I can still show up in the right place at the right time. Thinking about being kind to myself even though I’ve eaten a lot of cheese this weekend, all on accident or in the face of social imperatives. Thinking about “How to Disappear,” the video essay and also the Lana Del Rey song. Thinking about how the I perceived that mom at the airport with hand sanitizer as a total square but she wasn’t wrong, because later that weekend I would drag Tanny to six stores in a vain effort to find some for myself, coming up short, the Great Hand Sanitizer Shortage of Early 2020. Thinking about how dumb it is that I got rejected from Berghain last weekend. Thinking about how the best view of Karl Marx’s old home in London is from the top floor of Soho House. Thinking about cruel ironies.


  • night philosophy - fanny howe
  • the pocket pema chodron
  • somewhere i've never been - steph kretowicz
  • like a woman - quinn latimer


  • the entire farocki filmography
  • eldridge cleaver, black panther (1971) dir. william klein
  • best of 2020 so far: the woman who ran dir. hong sang-soo

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