2411192306 they look like stars, i thought as the yellow and white lights of the traffic and the buildings past the bridge were blurred behind the evening rain on the clouded window, twinkling in and out in the early dark, it was a whole cluster of light that formed the shape of an arc, i felt like i saw something magical take place, feeling so overwhelmed by all the events of the day and the crowded and wet bus but the sight on and outside the window was so beautiful , someone was wearing a bright yellow rain jacket so they looked like a star too, the many lights strung across the buildings we passed looked like stars, shadow sweeping over patches of light made them look like stars, raindrops falling onto the ground lit by street lamps and raindrops on the window looked like stars, glittering and twinkling and shining in blurry light and dark. I thought about how my everyday might look like that more often if i walked around without my glasses on, and that amused me, and then i thought it wouldnt be quite the same anyway, because the effect probably also has to involve the beautiful rain and the cold that fogs up the glass. Bright but warm and soft light in the rain, this evening i felt glad even on that crowded and wet bus because i could experience such a sight through that window, on that route full of light, at that hour when it was dark and rainy. And the morning bus, it was so crowded and wet too, but i witnessed someone across from me handing someone next to me a handkerchief to dry their glasses, telling them they could keep it. And when i walked home that evening my hair is wet from the rain and it's now fluffy which makes me a bit happy. 2411200103 Today, again, even in discomfort and sadness and exhaustion i could notice beauty and warmth and comfort and wonder, so i felt a little glad, again, that i may not be completely lost. The song i loved from many years ago that is on repeat lately, it says to live believing in light, the color of despair melts away with light. It would be nice if, for as long as i live, I'll be someone that notices the light, not in pursuit of hope or happiness, but simply out of awareness that, throughout despair, little things glowing with joy or wonder are here too, and i feel relieved that my noticing has not ceased to exist in this everyday life where many other things feel quite pointless, when i find once again that i still have the ability to see light, mind and heart become a bit more bearable for the moment because then i'm back inside my own world, alone, thinking about and feeling an awe for stars in the rain, again a reminder that i haven't lost too much of myself in the world outside after all