♡ 18th December, 2024: Repeating to myself that nothing sustainable can be born from hate, shame and negativity so that I can stop trying to insult myself into living a better life. Also, so that I may stop coming here only when I am angry. Embroidery is so fun to learn and really nice to do but I do it so obsessively, there may be a chance for me to deleop carpal tunnel. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ♡ 29th November, 2024: How can one person make me feel so distressed and like a tyrant within my own home? And during all this, I feel tested because I must extend sympathy to their situation but at the cost of my comfort and calm? I suppose relationships, be it familial, platonic or romantic require sacrifice but I am slowly going crazier as the days go by. I want to become stronger to help them, but I feel like I need a bit of a break. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ♡ 15th November, 2024: It is so hard trying to manage my feelings about this break up, there are so many negative and positive feelings directed towards this person I can’t help but feel so confused. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ♡ 28th September, 2024: I feel as though my friends do not know how to want to see me. They have forgotten how to desire my presence, they have forgotten how to love me, I think. When they did visit me, it was clearly an apology for meeting up without telling me, after I had asked to beforehand. When plans with them fall through, there is no move to reschedule. The plans just fall and disappear into thin air. I don't know if it was always like this and I am only just realising. I am no longer saving for the cardigan because the country has become so expensive and I cannot afford to save. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ♡ 20th August, 2024: I have begun saving up to commission a cardigan from a beloved friend. I am rather bad with money, so I have found it very difficult to save in the past, but I am rather determined to achieve my goal. It also helps me know if I really want a cardigan, or if I would like something else or nothing at all. I will also take the time to design a cardigan of my dreams, this is very exciting. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [08-07-2024]... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [22-06-24]the long break has not been so bad so far, and it seems as though i may be largely consistent with my goals this time. eating healthier is much easier than i imagined it would be, i love walking, i take my time with reading and coding has been going well. i would prefer it if it did not take me so long to actually do the things i want to do, that i would procrastinate less, but old habits die hard. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- my mind on 26th May, 2024: for some reason, i have become so apathetic and so ravenous. i wonder when this phase will end, i would like to be in love with my bf once more. i should be studying, or practicing html. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------