12 april 2020 · 2:53pm: sunday passed by. 9 april 2020 · 1:52am: today i learnt that a girl with a pearl earring by vermeer is not a portrait but a tronie—which means a painting of an imaginary figure. 6 april 2020 · 11:18pm: recently, i've been thinking about the way we value unquantifiable pleasures such as joy and happiness. i saw a tweet that prompted me to wonder how many people we know have a hobby—and how many transform them into a side gig to generate income. my friend, T, makes music and it would be obvious to anyone who speaks to him that music brings him a lot of joy. he's always generous about sharing new artists with me and we'd meet once a month for a meal and some smokes while dissecting what makes who stand out. C, my bestest, likes cooking. through the years we've been friends, she's made me so many different recipes—from kimchi fried rice to crowd-pleasing cream cheese brownies. i think she made a pie for an old lover of hers, a true romantic if i may say so myself. the couple other friends that came to mind fall in the latter, either working in an industry of their interest or have turned what they enjoy into a business. i have been writing for a creative almost-agency for a month now. everyday I'm required to scour the internet for content and that has put me in a zone of constant creative stimulation. with these ideas brewing inside of me, the urge to create something of my own is glowing now more than ever. i keep these ideas in my journal and i've rehearsed some of them in front of the mirror just to get a feel of it. what do I want out of these projects, what's the goal (there is none), what if they're a waste of resources? these thoughts have traveled in my head like an east-bound train headed back to the west. i think the process of following through with something i started would be cool. i'm not banking my worth or identity on my work, i've been there before and it's demoralising! i just want to be happy. it really is as uncomplicated as that.

⌨ elsewhere


☄ march, april 2020

  • encountered one of my favourite poems: torture by denis johnson
  • this dancing kitten:
  • received compliments on an outfit from 2 strangers at 2 different times
  • stopped crying so much
  • still eating a lot of pesto and canned tuna