everyday i must foster the person i wish to become... what a difficult but rewarding journey that will be! ᯓ★ say what's up: yourworldoftext.com/~contristo ᯓ★ ᝰ: Shawn Wilson - Research is Ceremony: Indigenous Research Methods ♪: women on acoustic guitars ^ܠ^: rabbit*, cup, buon pranzo, santalum, ghost flowers ᯓ★ it is *wednesday* // ... excited to make my spread ... rough note taking here: - mashed potatoes [one plain one w dill, chives] [make shallot oil to top] chives, green onion, garlic, dill, olive oil - Honey Soy Sauce Salmon [Costco salmon, glaze made of soy sauce, honey, tiny bit of tahini, red pepper, tiny bit of chicken 5 spice, tiny bit of oolang black pepper, white pepper] - Ssamjang "salad"/lettuce wraps [lettuce, ssamjang sauce GALLERIA, carrot strips, etc. -> green radish?] - Leeks & Nutmeg "Not boiled to mush, but slowly braised — in butter, Gruyère, and a little white wine — until the greens lose their brightness and the whites turn silky, almost translucent. Before placing in the oven, pour over a little cream and then add a whisper of grated nutmeg — not enough to shout, just a warm murmur in the background. Serve with toast to swipe through the sauce." leeks ARGUS????, butter, gruyere TRADER JOES????, white wine, cream, nutmeg, bread - Chili Oil Brussels Baked brussels w chili crunch and lemon zest - Shallots and parsnips Claire recipe https://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/caramelized-shallots?srsltid=AfmBOoroJFeuuGmHs3u5s2AD2SVDgcMNHns1EQrPuynqtcJ0P8F5CZUj shallots, parsnips ARGUES??????, 12 seasoning, white wine, veggie broth, butter, sugar, olive oil - Shredded golden beets ARGUS???? w oleo saccharum [lemon, sugar], almonds, golden raisins, mint - Cranberry orange GALLERIA???? pom coconut labneh w tumeric BOMBAY???? oil drizzle - Easy peasy tiny mac and cheesey ;D noodle, cheeses, cream, butter, salt pep ᯓ★ 11.12.25 I remember a day in college where, after class, I stopped by the coffee shop for a shot of espresso right before they closed. It was brisk outside, and I sat by the window. They were not upset I came in so late and still offered me a sparkling water, a free box of expiring pastries. I felt so grown up - the feeling has not left. This is what adults do, right? Drink espresso in the cold and have essays to write. I hope so, as I am excited to drink more and write more. hopefully until my hands give out. 10.17.25 My heart stays stuck my heart stays here my heart has not let a day pass without thinking about all that ever was is and will be. what do you mean you don't do that. 9.12.25 It felt easier to appreciate what I had before it was gone in every moment but this one. A shift I never expected. I try to fill my lungs and hands and stomach with gratitude but the moments in between leave me starved. The everyday used to be accompanied by a slight breeze. Now - stale and fragmented, buzzing with electricity yet somehow never alive. 8.26.25 Attempting to contain my leaps and bounds as someone who shrivels up at the idea of change. I want to lay on the hot sidewalk and turn into a raisin, prune. Someone will step on me and I will go as far as I can stuck to the bottom of their shoe. 8.12.25 Sitting on a porch in Arizona. Appreciating the foliage around me (#5B5B1D). Practicing acknowledging while letting things pass by. The cicadas are very loud around here. Their hum puts me to sleep. The heat makes everything move at a slower pace. 8.1.25 Running off inertia, but only in circles so the ground below me is worn out and my feet are starting to hurt. 7.22.25 Taking my own hand, recognizing I am not good at practice. Cutting through the thick vines of hedonism. Picking up two items and deciding what's for dinner tonight. Falling into silent moments and getting stuck in quicksand. White knuckling. Bursting at the seams. What makes this street different from a road 300 miles east. Why must I memorize every detail that makes up a grocery store. I've driven this curve countless times. 7.11.25 It is hard to feel exhausted so often. I am aware of what would heal me (waking up to the birds, sitting by a body of moving water - preferably lake michigan, seeing plants dance in the wind, creating, learning, listening, dancing) yet it is all so out of reach in this inconsiderate hellscape of [america?] [capitalism?] [my job?] [any job?] [my brain?] 6.30.25 If I could reach down my throat and remove this feeling from my stomach I would. But it has deep overlapping roots, a whole underground system at this point. I am unable to compartmentalize the sprawl of love I am forced to notice. I am unable to not relish in the most familiar feeling. Incredibly stunted but so largely felt. I like the solitude of its lack of relatability. I like the story it tells, even if it never exists outside of me.