cpk

https://anime.horse, new york city

I am a systems administrator living and working in New York City and also I am your enemy. ****tinyblog**** Seven entries at a time. Full diary w/ past entries at https://git.anime.horse/tinyblog/tree/diary.txt 03/25/20 - Wow it's been a while. Obviously a lot has changed in the past two weeks. I've been working from home and my life basically revolves around being in front of a screen all the time, anyway, so nothing has really skipped a beat. I'm incredibly lucky to have this ridiculous chest freezer in my stupidly small apartment though. What a heaping pile of providence. Wow. Chatting with some new people in the online dating sphere, but I'm deathly afraid of going outside so it's video dating for the foreseeable future. What's wild is that I may prefer it to the real thing. Adding tons of new content to the Plex and sharing access with my fellow quarantin(o|a|x)s. Hope everyone (anyone...) who is reading this is hanging in there and getting through this. Drop me a line on Freenode if you need someone to talk to. Contact details below. 03/11/20 - Went on a small binge (not booze) this weekend and came out the other side with a clear goal of eating less and drinking almost nothing. My pants already fit better. Have a date with someone on Friday, and I'm getting way more matches on Tinder than I thought I would be. I suppose honesty really is the best policy. Started going to therapy on Monday (I made an appointment mid-binge, which turned out to be an exceptional move on my part). I like this therapist. Very old school psychoanalysis/psychodynamics. Again, honesty turns out to be the best policy. Going up to the Bronx tonight to speak with a tax consultant about getting my finances in order since I haven't filed for six (6!!!) years. I've never had side gigs, I have almost zero investments, and I've always been an hourly/salaried worker since I started trading my labor for rent money, so I think I might get something back. I feel like the IRS would've started pestering me long ago if I had owed anything. Started reading 'The Power Broker'. Still chipping away at Tyson's autobiography, which is longer than I anticipated. Reading 'Akira' for the first time as well. Overall, things are looking up. 03/06/20 - Once again phonebanked for Sanders last night. Made almost 100 calls this time. Warren voters were pretty raw since she dropped out yesterday morning, but I think I helped persuade a few to unite under the progressive tent. So many wasted ballots because of a lack of ranked voting. An acquaintance tried to set me up with one of their friends the other day. Texted with them for a bit, but when they asked what I do and I said I'm a Unix administrator, I got ghosted. No big deal, and I mean, I get it. Sysadmins are generally the ponytailed, libertarian know-it-alls of the world, unfortunately. Got my stupid little merit increase and yearly review at work, so that'll help keep up with inflation, I guess. Really enjoying Mike Tyson's autobiography, and I've been happy to get a lot more mileage out of my Kindle Paperwhite after setting up calibre-web on my big, remote media server. Trying to keep my spirits up, but overall not much to report. 03/02/20 - I think breaking up was the correct move. I've been sleeping better. Haven't been drinking. Feeling much calmer. Still need to get a Tails distro and start getting my preferred compound online. Other than that, excited for Super Tuesday tomorrow. Reading a ton. Watching a ton. Listening to a ton. Getting my life back together after three years of desultory alcoholism. My friend is premiering his first short film tomorrow at a film festival, so I'm going to that. I'll try to not to obsessively check my phone as the polls close across the country. Discovered the work of collagist Anita Siegel this morning through Twitter. Made one of her works my phone's lock screen background. Here's a link: https://anime.horse/anita-siegel-2.jpg 02/27/20 - Phonebanked for Sanders again tonight. Had a couple beers. Walked home. Ate a bunch of lunch meat. About to go to bed. Feeling pretty good, oddly enough. Finally admitted to myself that I hate cooking, that I don't want to cook, and that cooking brings me no joy at all and loaded up on frozen TV dinners and dumplings. Feeling a little self-conscious about how slowly I read, but from a Google search, it seems like everyone thinks they read slowly. 02/26/20 - Broke up with C. Got drunk at a couple bars and watched the debates. Don't remember the walk home, but apparently went to bed very early because I woke up around 4:30AM feeling pretty refreshed (albeit still a little drunk). It's 6:30AM now and I'm about to have some iced coffee then hop in the shower. Al-Jazeera live news stream playing on the TV. Something about Malaysian politics "in turmoil". I like their global coverage, but obviously you can't trust anything they say about Yemen. 02/25/20 - Kept meaning to jot down another entry here, but kept getting side-tracked. I need to break up with my girlfriend. I don't even want to see other people, I just want to be left alone. Tried walking around the city on Sunday to get some sun and fresh air and and being around people on the street and in bars and stores and all that makes my skin feel tight and my stomach starts doing flips. Even thinking about it now makes me feel stressed out. Had a beer and a burger to calm my nerves, but high-tailed it back to my apartment after that to cloister myself away from everyone. I really do want the best for everyone, and I wouldn't call myself a misanthrope, but people freak me out and I think I'm better off interacting online.

Music (updated 3/2/2020)

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWlEgCdwOmo
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7K-vkaWB0g
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwL6Qx9ezHQ
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Gig7e5lwOE
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=316kbPdl2qo
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5j5k0tH4V-M

Print (updated 2/27/2020)

  • The Invisibles by Grant Morrison
  • Creature by Amina Cain
  • Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace
  • Fundamental Models in Financial Theory by Doron Peleg
  • Undisputed Truth (Mike Tyson's Autobiography)
  • Whatever Fringe Online L/ACC Twitter Users Post From The Anarchist Library

Contact

  • Freenode: freshmaker666

Movie (updated 2/7/2020) (no favorites, just on my mind)

  • Videodrome, David Cronenberg
  • The Color of Pomegranates, Sergei Parajanov
  • Possession, Andrzej Żuławski
  • Magnolia, Paul Thomas Anderson
  • Conan the Barbarian, John Milius
  • The Road Warrior, George Miller

Thoughts and convictions

  • I like winter, especially when it gets so cold that the air seems to glint and freeze around you
  • December is the best month
  • Karl Marx was right. I don't know much about him, but I think Mao was right too. Same goes for Lenin.