collecting unfinshed thoughts ↓ 3.5.2025 holy, holy, holy - written for poetrynight @leiden with the homies without the sun,the dutch landscape is protestant how can anything holy arise from that? every village houses a sober square church littered across the landscape like breadcrumbs on a stainless steel plate of the holy supper passing through the hands of the believers I remember the absence of clapping after a baptism I remember the hollow voice of the minister — often my dad I remember the time stretching into eternity during sermon I remember the desire to hear the first chords of the organ I remember that whenever I felt a flame arise in me I had to hide it and I remember wondering how this related to the descent of the holy spirit still the sun kept appearing in every landscape I drew 28.4.2025 It has been over a week since the woodpecker disappeared from the trees across my balcony. Without knowing I established a relationship with him, with his sound. It was unlike any other city- or bird sound and it was both and neither. I got attached to the moment where he transitioned from one place to another, hitting another key with his beak depending on the density of the tree. I craved for this moment in the morning, i still do. But a bit over a week ago the people cut the tree with the widest range of sounds. Malla: Gregor Samsara Spiritual hygene 21.4.2025 "but how are you?". I tend to leave it on read untill I need to text again for something else. I don't fully understand what to do with this question. Do you say 'good'? That means nothing and I is a bit of a 'dooddoener'. Do I tell them what I think about my job? What I did last weekend? I am not a fan of randomly explaining things I did, I could tell how I felt about the things I did. Is it difficult to ask something more specific; Is work still as energy-consuming as it was last month, have you been painting, what do you dream about these days, how do you wake up in the morning, what do you think about death, have you considered going to a casino, to what extend do you think you understand neo-liberalism. Anything, The 'but' is also a very important trigger. It suggests that the person asks for formality instead of interest. Anyway, I do not think this rant is to complain about people asking 'how are you'. I just think there is a much larger and more interesting world hiding behind a specific question than behind a big one. The big questions are so big they are like a bright office lights. The small questions are like these standing lamps next to a couch that light the place where one sits to read a book. 17.4.2025 I cannot stop thinking about them: those ping pong ball-sized speedboats made out of fluff. The first spring ducklings. They are racing after their parents, getting distracted by something on the side of the water, getting pushed aside by the soft waves in a canal. Their little bodies barely strong enough to resist gentle push of the water. It seems like it should not be possible honesltly, their fluffy bodies on the water. Like cotton candy would dissolve in water these duckilings should as well. I mean, they 'should' not but you know. Anyhow, they somehow stay afloat and there is something awfully cute about that. 29.2.2025 Nick Land: "there is an increasing speed in this modern world and a decrease in time available to make decisions" People with power end up at right-winged accelerationism after accepting the above. Like Marc Andreesen: "techno-capital machine of markets and innovation never ends but instead spirals continously upwards" What are alternative responses? 11:58 There is a subtle search for balance between accepting traits of yourself and (the belief that you can) change(-ing) them. Both accepting and changing has the power to dissolve the issue but they might come with different side effects. Accepting with some sort of lazy and spiritless attitude. Changing with a too forcefull and self-dismissive attitude. (Florian Cramer) 19.3.2025 Yesterday, the tables in the classroom looked like the geography of Taiwan. Many tables were sitting at the window side of the classroom and students settled there consequently. This arrangement of tables took up half of the room from front to back. Left of the middle there was nothing and then again a couple of tables to the right. Taiwan has most its people living in on the sunny side because left of the middle there is a mountain range. All the way to the right, a few people live at the seaside. I googled a map of Taiwan and started the class. 9.3.2025 Some wordless places: * Quantum physics * Nirvana, Moksha, Supreme Vehicle * Dao * The One * Art (books too) 5.3.2025 In yesterday's conversation with our neighbour we concluded that "truth is a wordless place". The kitchen door was open to the balcony to let in some of the spring-like haze of the day: birds, soft light, the delayed falling of the evening. As I had dinner with Alvin, we suddenly heard fireworks it seemed to be all over the city and our curiousity drove us on the balcony. There I met our neighbour, who was leaning over the railing with the same curiosity. We guessed it is probably for the iftar, a week into the Ramadan. She is from Bosnia and told us about her experience of islam under socialist rule. The conversation went into one about fasting, self regulation and social presure and religion. To be continued. Work is calling. 4.3.2025 Interesting insult of a person who is not/does not want to be an artist by email. "[not-an-artist]'s observation: It is very clear for [not-an-artist] that Cecile van Bruggen's words, gestures, movement and brain is foundationed with an atomic, centralized, hierarchical, Platonian tree-branched structure. As far as I know, Underdeveloped [the exhibition'] don't work in this manner. Therefore, which language and tone are you going to use to facilitate your understanding towards audiences? How are you going to deal with your brain?" I do not like being insulted because I do not like defending myself. But there is something beautiful about this one because it did not need a defense. I very much agree with her observation:I am brought up in an environment with linear hiarachical thinking (protestantism in Dutchland) and I need to deal with this every single day. The insult is not in her observation but her assumption that I would not understand the words that she is using, that I would be alien to Daoist scriptures which resist centralized htinking, that I would be alien to concepts like 'Rhizome'. I am not, (un)fortunately. 21.2.2025 Thought: It is so easy to forget about mosquitos when it is winter. Dream:20.2.25 Ik had een expo gemaakt maar deze was nog niet opgestart toen de mensen er al waren. Ik rende door de ruimte met kabels en lichten maar de meesten waren al klaar met de ruimte (mix van het Boijmans en Arminius) voordat ik alles had opgestart. Ondertussen smeekte ik mijn ouders om vertrouwen in mij en gaf ik een kus aan iemand die ik in dit leven dat niet mag geven. 20.2.2025 Not-frozen-cucumber There is a cucumber in my bag since yesterday after I did groceries. I feel sorry for the cucumber because it is the only piece I left in my bag. For the entire night and day it has just been sitting there, carried to my work this morning, to the third floor, from the third floor to the first, even a walk around the blok. Later that day I realized, it should be grateful it is in my bag because the fridge, where the other groceries are hanging out since yesterday, is overdoing itself and freezes al that is inside it. AH cucumbers are mostly water and the entire cucumber would freeze if it was with the other groceries in the fridge. But it is not in the fridge, it is here in my bag. This realisation was triggered by an tiny event: A student whom I had a scheduled one on one conversation with struggled to articulate herself being occupied by nerves. To put her at ease. I decided to bring it up and I said: "I have a cucumber in my bag". And the ice was broken. 14.2.2025 Quotes from poetry night at Agnes' place Daffodils in December. They grow too tall as they are reaching for the faint sun only to crumble under their own weight. "It must be nice to be forgotten."-? --- I want to be me, not interpretation. I put the kettle on and let the steam grow.- Aisha --- Paris catacombs valentine's day: someone crafted a man and a woman made from unidentified bones laying side by side.-Stan --- What do you desire in this moment, give you a tingling feeling, what makes you feel exposed, excited, a little embarrassed.-Alexander --- Your voice is like a beautiful staircase, velvet, nice to walk on, art nouveau.-Stan 12.2.2025 Ik ben iets vergeten maar ik weet het niet meer. 11.2.2025 Hi my friend friend Sunni want to join for climbing, when and where? @elliott Today is v average 10.2.2025 There was a coffee in the kitchen but this website does not have notifications so I missed it. Luckily, the intention outlived the coffee. 9.2.2025 "Love thy neighbors as you love yourself" resonates in my head as I wake up from their drilling 7.2.2025 13.00 I got my first mention by @elliott. I'm am starting to feel like a special fish. https://youtu.be/BuDFA2g8QxQ?si=iOmV5tujMOv7Gvfi La Grand Historia de Philosophia de Occidental. Movie about- 14.46 New thought before I could finish the last one. Relationships in their most general sense are the best. They can be anything when you forget about the words we use for them.