4/9/20 my psychiatrist asks me about the worst trauma i've ever experienced. i answer: --. and when did you get over that, she asks. the room is stale. she smells of onions. i'm not trying to be mean when i say that. it's only the truth. also true: my first pet was a hermit crab. my mother's name is mona. in march, certain flowers bloom. soup is very filling, as are all hot liquids. my point is that anna's family owned a vineyard. for her birthday we played hide-and-seek. miles and miles of grapes, one could get lost in them. i never liked that game--i don't like being left alone or being frightened. even worse: searching for someone who doesn't want to be found by you. there are so many movies i haven't seen with people who no longer speak to me. i guess that answers the question. which was? which was. i'm forgetting again. in order to be loved you must make yourself scarce. no one loves you the other way.

songs i like

  • The Law - John Maus
  • This Must Be The Place - The Talking Heads
  • December 24 - Earl Sweatshirt
  • Aaj Shanibar - Rupa
  • Strung Out Deeper Than The Night - Les Rallizes Denudes
  • The Narcissist - Dean Blunt

fav books

  • How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe - Charles Yu
  • Madeline is Sleeping - Sarah Shun-lien Bynum
  • Paradise Rot - Jenny Hval
  • Letters to a Young Poet - Rainer Maria Rilke
  • Hiroshima Traces: Time, Space, and the Dialectics of Memory - Lisa Yoneyama
  • Distortions - Ann Beattie

movies i've watched

  • A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night
  • Spirit of the Beehive
  • There Will Be Blood
  • Mind Game
  • The Hole
  • Be Kind Rewind

poems etc.

  • β€œWhere does such tenderness come from?” Marina Tsvetaeva
  • "A Second Train Song for Gary" Jack Spicer
  • "Ivan, Always Hiding" Janine Joseph
  • Fav months: February, April
  • Fav scents: tomato leaf, sandalwood, Scotch tape, butterscotch, tatami mats
  • Fav memory: You touch my knee in a building we are not supposed to be in. Jerreth skates around us in fishnets. Christian blows out e-cigarette smoke.