earthcoil

(⌒o⌒) 10.30.24 i used to write prolifically as a child, teenager, and younger adult. every time i reach for my journal or open a blank page online, i have no idea what to say. i feel like i start every journal entry with "i don't know what to say", like a mantra, a spell that allows me to then proceed with my thoughts. once i get that over with, it becomes easier for me to figure out what i am actually thinking about or feeling. i often write in my journal that i believe living as a wage slave under capitalism has caused me to become somewhat disenfranchised from my emotions, whereas before, growing up, being in school, and not having to spend the majority of my life doing mindless work in order to not die, i was very powerfully informed of my own thoughts and emotions and could express them with ease and occasionally with skill. i sometimes mourn and regret my changed relationship with the act of writing and introspection, but i am also glad that the focus of my life has shifted or grown such that much of what i do is motivated by a sense of connectedness with all things. i no longer exist or experience just my literal self; rather, i exist for the sake of all things, as my sense of self radiates outward to include as much of the world as possible.