i'm feeling really confused about myself and everything in me, what i feel and what i don't feel, this simultaneous peace and restlessness. part of me is scared and part of me isn't. it's hard just to put words to it. to name it. there is an aching in my body and i don't know what the medicine is but somehow i know i have felt this before. something stored but not always felt. a quiet hum in the background of everything. i don't know what i want but i trust that leaning into unknowing will lead to finding out.
last night i couldn't fall asleep because i started to feel so scared about where i will be in the next few months. i feel like i am riding on a comet hurdling towards the earth and it feels like disaster is coming. but i also know that once it makes contact eventually there will just be quiet.
remembering why i am here and that i can stand up for myself
listened to someone talk about the desperation that comes with hunger and the emptiness that fundamentally changes you.
i've been calling out to you for days
have you thought of me? have you dreamt of me as i've dreamt of you?
wishing to be a flâneur
i have known what it is to be in communion with god