*-----------* | January | *-----------* I sometimes feel like what drove me to create are exclusively the parasocial relationships i was building both upon others and upon the image of myself reflected from the media i consumed. They really weighed on me but also drove me to pursue projects as a mean of exulting those worries away. Now that I'm an adult I feel like I've gained better control over my mental state but at the expense of my creative drive. It's all social media really... Once you're presented with a tool with which you can connect with anybody, where anything you do can be used as a way to advertise the person you are, it's difficult to resist the temptation of trying to tie new social links just by iridescence. This mentality is not very healthy, but if its absence entails a great emptiness, maybe it's worth it? Maybe it all comes down to the question of "is it okay to just live"? *------------* | December | *------------* I only have a couple of hours left to write something for december... M-1 was fun. Everybody was really funny. Kawakita's haircut is so cool I got sick, but then I got better I want to loose weight Next Year... I hope to have things going Impermanence *------------* | November | *------------* It is supposed to snow tomorrow. We'll see... (RESULT: IT ☑SNOWED ☐DIDNT SNOW) Something about this time of the year makes me feel nice about my life. I'm not actually doing anything different but it's like i get to feel the good kind of SNS mental instability I used to live with in high school again... micegirls, lolita headdresses, overwhelming amount of drawings, fish-insect empathy, proper nouns that are somewhat abstract concepts but can still be linked to concrete things, ...Cold Visions... I've been playing a visual novel for the first time (白衣性恋愛症候群) Objectively speaking, it's not that good; but I've still gotten so invested in the story that I sometimes end up arguing out loud all alone like the characters were there. (recorded example @ gabriel.reisen/sakai.wav) Relationships sure are tough aye. I need to submit an application to do a student exchange program. It's very scary. I'm lost. (update: I did submit it, but the waiting is also scary!) I was reading comedian 亀亀's blog yesterday so I really feel like writing a lot (I'm very influenceable); but I don't have such an active lifestyle that I have plenty of things to write about. This 2 shall pass dove emoji Oh no wait talking about using the number 2 to mean to I re-listened to i just dont wanna name it anything with "beach" in the title and it was as good as the first time i did in 10th grade. i think that, back then, I underestimated how lifechanging it and hello kitty skates to the fuckin CEMETARY were. They're really really good. *-----------* | October | *-----------* Thank you @sneek for @-ing me (and so thoroughly visiting my website) ! its the first time im @-ed on here.... Bladee is building bridges - I went through midterms! It went alright. I have the TOEFL next saturday. I went to the miku concert! It was amazing. I got a kandi bracelet from a stranger ;v; I translated a Kyuu sketch (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojWJ9D49rCY). I'm very weak to funny screaming. - Fall has been great. Maybe it’s because I live in places with very fall-centered agricultural cycles, but everything has been feeling so seasonal… Homemade applesauce, Sweet potatoes, Chestnuts, Tea, Cold weather, Rain, The leaves changing colors… It’s very nice. *-------------* | September | *-------------* Isn't it kind of sad how human interactions are basically entirely encompassed within explicit dialogue ? Especially on the internet / Without actual co-presence, the only way to "be" in a social exchange with another is to talk / communicate. Human connections need a tertiary, potentially abstract mutually understood subject Without which nothing can happen or something like that idk *----------* | August | *----------* I have 48 minutes of august left now. I worked and watched youtube a lot. Repeated stupid quotes to myself lots*. Submitted a letter to a podcast and felt stressed about it. Tried coding my website anew but I think i'll have to restart from scratch. Summer wasnt at all productive but being alive is great and everybody is nice. *Examples: "人類の歴史を見たフット後藤「学ばんねや」" "お抹茶にハマっちゃえ〜" "人間って凄い〜♪人間って凄い〜♪" (youtu.be/Fs0HalmM0hY?t=97) "大森じゃ！" (youtu.be/Ewh1tF6k-7M?t=564) "痰がすごいな" "ななななーななななー" ／ "何だこいつ〜〜〜!!" "いや俺、俺っ小峠英二、小峠英二！小峠英二！小峠英二！" "Twitterの人かお前" *--------* | July | *--------* I went to my first con and bought my first anime figure last week so now i necessarily have to enter a reflective phase, as an adult man… owning that kind of thing raises some issues… Even though it’s very "adult man" like, which is one of the issues --- I rewatched Machikado Mazoku Season 1 and for some reason I can't explain I couldn't stop my eyes from watering everytime the opening played Embarrassing... The first time I watched Machikado Mazoku, the context in which I heard of it urged me to think back on the relationships between the characters. I spent time reflecting on archetypes, daydreaming about further facts... I feel like I couldn't do that now, I lost that capacity to age. But they're still good memories *--------* | June | *--------* --- I played "your wings my wings" (Visual Novel) It was good... very pretty... ...I feel like everytime I engage with this kind of art, ...I feel an immediate drive to appropriate part of it ...as a mirror or a representation of my own experience, ...Or who I am or who could I be ......Because I would be so beautiful ......And It would be so simple...... In my way I just have to boss through it with the conviction that it is not my heart, it's the only cure... I'm going to a rave tonight (normally) I hope it'll be fun --- I made a castella cake and ate it whole in two days → Consequence: i put on weight.................. *-------* | May | *-------* --- I've been checking out Kirara freebies on seiga as I procrastinate. Here are my thoughts about some of them! " You're gross so I like you. " The title had me intrigued... Now I get it... I feel a little bad about it, but I kept wanting to know what happens next. There are more twists than one would expect, so it gets very entertaining. It's supposed to be a subversion of the genre so I can't really get mad over how weird it gets. It gets pretty weird though! " This Gender-Ambiguous Assassin Is Too Cute! " The title explains everything. It's just a classic Kirara comic about things being cute. It's absolutely harmless, so much so that I didn't even feel That bad finding it nice (which is rare). " Nullmeta: Archetype " Nullmeta... For years I've been stuck in the process of admitting I like this manga. Some things in it are indefensible. I have no excuse. It crosses the line multiple times. Liking it probably makes me a bad person. And yet, and yet... If you want me to explain why I like nullmeta In details just ask me, I'll do it. I'll do it. --- [List of Cold Visions Lyrics] *-------* | April | *-------* I went to a big park today (Parc des Sceaux) to see the cherry blossoms which were mostly gone, because it's been cold and rainy But i still saw a lot of people cosplaying, which I always find nice I mean I don't go to cons or things like that but having a group that goes normal person, normal person, hu tao, normal person carry out daily life activities is very amusing to me I've been... cataloguing... on are.na/esther-ciq1mpwzmfi/lucky-star-jiewicygl0q Sometimes I think about how cool it would be if those clothes were real but its a pain to put into production l countryside - White flowers bloom - Drop rain grass - Cows ducks unconcerned I, sheep encouragingly baaed I truly simple the world. felt an giving voice dsi Nichijou. Normal *-------* | March | *-------* Birds in rain, Fish in heaven Sitting in the parc because it is sunny outside like a normal person… yup nothing strange here… this a normal thing to do i am enjoying the ground in a normal way The weather affects us more than we would like to admit