*------------* | February | *------------* When the end of the month comes around, I often look back on this page thinking, "Wow. I didn't log anything this month.". I think there are a couple reasons for that: 1. I already have social media where I post almost daily (bluesky and https://gabriel.reisen/diary). I don't really think of it as "logging" though. It doesn't feel as healthy as this site does. It feels a lot more impulsive, a lot less reflective; even if the content is globally the same. 2. this has maybe turned into the only place where I express myself in english. Some way or another, I haven't been talking with the english talking people I know; and I've switched to japanese for the platforms I use. I have mentioned this before but it feels extremely strange how the words that used to be the centre of my life now have gone totally out of use. It's like loosing a part of me but not having to mourn because it feels like nothing was there in the first place. It doesn't feel natural to write in english anymore, but I don't want to use french because I don't like it and I don't want to use japanese because it feels embarrassing (the characters don't even fit in the monospace grid...). So I just don't write regularly. Whatever it may be I can still log a little now: On February the 14th, one thing lead to another and I got to eat at a restaurant at 10PM with a group of like 13 people I more and less knew. It was incredibly fun. I'm not very social, so I cherish these kinds of fortuitous developments more than anything else. From the bottom of my heart, I truly want to thank people who organize the hangouts, The people who get the gang together. Your work is genuinely priceless. And Recently… - I catsitted at my aunt's appartement - I translated (https://gabriel.reisen/slimclub.mp4) - I bought a dj flx4 - I made pretzels and crackers (they didn't turn out very good) - I hit the log length limit for the first time. guess I'm logging. *-----------* | January | *-----------* seeing it changing right now made me think about how much i like how this website is conceived. its truly good. i think one of my issues with social media is the idea that people "follow" you and are immediately notified as soon as you post anything. Even though people personally decided to follow me or not it still feels intrusive to post. But this website doesn't have any of that, you can see who updated recently / but can't follow anyone; you can have "friends" / but you don't know if they updated their logs if you don't manually check. That + the absence of images makes it feel very carefree. Literally like being fish swimming around in a giant tank, wether what you write is interesting or not doesn't matter its a personal shared place not a shared personal place Along with that; even though it's been gaining more and more members, the website still feels very personal and lightweight. the way updates are added, the commented html, it really feels like elliot's website that we've just been granted access to rather than a self-sufficient platform. im grateful for that kind of connection 🐟 ------------- I sometimes feel like what drove me to create are exclusively the parasocial relationships i was building both upon others and upon the image of myself reflected from the media i consumed. They really weighed on me but also drove me to pursue projects as a mean of exulting those worries away. Now that I'm an adult I feel like I've gained better control over my mental state but at the expense of my creative drive. It's all social media really... Once you're presented with a tool with which you can connect with anybody, where anything you do can be used as a way to advertise the person you are, it's difficult to resist the temptation of trying to tie new social links just by iridescence. This mentality is not very healthy, but if its absence entails a great emptiness, maybe it's worth it? Maybe it all comes down to the question of "is it okay to just live"? *------------* | December | *------------* I only have a couple of hours left to write something for december... M-1 was fun. Everybody was really funny. Kawakita's haircut is so cool I got sick, but then I got better I want to loose weight Next Year... I hope to have things going Impermanence *------------* | November | *------------* It is supposed to snow tomorrow. We'll see... (RESULT: IT ☑SNOWED ☐DIDNT SNOW) Something about this time of the year makes me feel nice about my life. I'm not actually doing anything different but it's like i get to feel the good kind of SNS mental instability I used to live with in high school again... micegirls, lolita headdresses, overwhelming amount of drawings, fish-insect empathy, proper nouns that are somewhat abstract concepts but can still be linked to concrete things, ...Cold Visions... I've been playing a visual novel for the first time (白衣性恋愛症候群) Objectively speaking, it's not that good; but I've still gotten so invested in the story that I sometimes end up arguing out loud all alone like the characters were there. (recorded example @ gabriel.reisen/sakai.wav) Relationships sure are tough aye. I need to submit an application to do a student exchange program. It's very scary. I'm lost. (update: I did submit it, but the waiting is also scary!) I was reading comedian 亀亀's blog yesterday so I really feel like writing a lot (I'm very influenceable); but I don't have such an active lifestyle that I have plenty of things to write about. This 2 shall pass dove emoji Oh no wait talking about using the number 2 to mean to I re-listened to i just dont wanna name it anything with "beach" in the title and it was as good as the first time i did in 10th grade. i think that, back then, I underestimated how lifechanging it and hello kitty skates to the fuckin CEMETARY were. They're really really good. *-----------* | October | *-----------* Thank you @sneek for @-ing me (and so thoroughly visiting my website) ! its the first time im @-ed on here.... Bladee is building bridges - I went through midterms! It went alright. I have the TOEFL next saturday. I went to the miku concert! It was amazing. I got a kandi bracelet from a stranger ;v; I translated a Kyuu sketch (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojWJ9D49rCY). I'm very weak to funny screaming. - Fall has been great. Maybe it’s because I live in places with very fall-centered agricultural cycles, but everything has been feeling so seasonal… Homemade applesauce, Sweet potatoes, Chestnuts, Tea, Cold weather, Rain, The leaves changing colors… It’s very nice. *-------------* | September | *-------------* Isn't it kind of sad how human interactions are basically entirely encompassed within explicit dialogue ? Especially on the internet / Without actual co-presence, the only way to "be" in a social exchange with another is to talk / communicate. Human connections need a tertiary, potentially abstract mutually understood subject Without which nothing can happen or something like that idk ############ August 2024: I repeated stupid quotes to myself lots* July 2024: I went to my first con and bought my first anime figure June 2024: I played "your wings my wings" / I'm going to a rave tonight May 2024: I've been checking out Kirara freebies / I like nullmeta April 2024: I went to a big park to see the cherry blossoms March 2024: I am enjoying the ground in a normal way