07/06/2024 My name is Biscuit and i am a dog. I am a dog who is full of love but i’ve learned the hard way that love isn’t always reciprocal. i am "not like other dogs" because i was treated badly in my youth. the other day i was scared out of my fur because the wind was making things move on the street. i shook and shook like a washing machine on its final spin. when i lived outside, the weather was unkind to me. it threw things at me and i will never forget that. i'm trying to work through my fears but there’s this thing about the body keeping the score. i was told this because i can’t read by the way. my owner thinks i need therapy and they are probably right. i’m just a dog! 01/05/2024 The difference between Dutch culture and British culture can be explained by looking at the anatomy of the toilet. In English toilets your shit falls straight into the water because quite frankly it’s none of our business we don't need to know . Sure, we are used to seeing ugly things but not when it also tells us something about ourselves. The opposite is true in the Netherlands. The toilets here are shaped so you can inspect before you flush. The Dutch are very nosy you see. That's not an insult it's just something that is true. 29/04/2024 I woke up to my dog howling and my pillow lit up by the moon. I climbed out of bed to soothe her. She was spooked by the leaves of a plant which had cast a gnarly shape on the wall. We cuddled and she sighed, fell back into a slumber. It was 4 am and when I finally fell asleep I dreamt I was wading through a pond to reach you at the other side. Your face was a thick smudge. I was sad. But this is just a story about how I should get curtains. 12/04/2024 A STORY Small-minded Alfred was torn. It wasn’t a question of whether the dish could be improved, but rather a matter of principle. This was a man who sliced his carrots horizontally, if you know what I mean. Thin circular disks, the old-fashioned way. Yesterday, Alfred overheard his niece explaining that the protein in lentils activates only if cooked with rice. “And who told you that? A grain of rice?” (saying this he feels smug). Hovering by the sink, Alfred paws at his neck tie and slides the top button of his shirt through the slim, starched button hole. No. Tonight it’ll be lamb shanks. Silverware! 12/04/2024 A TRUE STORY When I was about 10 years old I took a long-haul flight. There was a technical problem with the network so only a few films were available to watch on-board. The only film that appealed to me as a 10 year old was Shrek. So I watched Shrek 7 times B2B and ever since I have had the theme tune stuck in my head. Not like, in the foreground (I have space for other songs to get stuck in my head too), but every day at some point the melody will clamber from the depths of my subconscious and whisper its tune in my ear. Every day for 22 years, can you even imagine. If you'd like me to hum or sing it to you I'd be happy to.