2/19: thoughts on phd apps almost 2 months later: cant believe that shit happened. now I've been back in the us for 2 months, although it feels like an infinity, a purgatory of purgatory, since the waiting compounds and gives way to more waiting. im waiting for the future, im chilling too but also stressing out, I taught a class (!)and there's more. I have an (in-person) "interview" coming up soon and saw someone post that they also got an invite. even though deep down (and not even that deep) I think its wrong and horrible to compete for a position, I feel strong willed like a true competitor. weird feeling. what do people think of this? wearing a sample of profumum roma ambra aurea... more thoughts on this to come 12/2: first 2 submitted 11/27: in the thrall of applications. I know this will be over at some point very very soon but theres still a lot of work to do, so that's the fear.