feb 19 2025 standing up even taller. doesn't mean i'm that tall it's just that i was extreme curled up before. new laptop is named Lola. i have bangs now. feb 18 2025 my feet are cold feb 17 2025 monday again, even though it doesn't really make much difference to me. sun was shining yesterday and/or the other day. my hands have been cold at home but not right now. feb 13 2025 drinking coffee black again, the edge is back on. i think i'm winning. have been very good at sticking to the things that i signed up for. usually winter gets the better of me and i kind of give up on everything around january—march. february especially is a struggle to live through, but i'm in control now. it is really cold out but i keep walking to my things and back. this weekend i will be using my computer. i need a new laptop :-( the other day i had a nice realisation that someone's presence has been a positive influence on me. like in a very subtle and non-intense way. which is cool bc it must mean i'm at peace enough to be able to receive or notice something like that. this winter-spring is about the little things... feb 8 2025 opened my laptop at 4AM grateful for: good meal i had, engaging w art live in person without screen, good health feb 6 2025 who is it springing for i'm standing up a little taller. trying to catch & hold on to some routines. need to start coding again after a long break from that, don't really feel like it!! i want to do anything and everything else. i wish my chinese class was more demanding. i think i'll let my twitter account get permanently deleted, i don't need anything saved from it. bye forever! feb 5 2025 continues to bloat communication style = cold watery grey oat meal flowing out of mouth. woke up with this image in my mind and pointed at it like that's exactly how it is and how i am trying to say anything even a simple thing. a little disgusting but slop is still food so suck it up. still boiling potateos i feel like i was not really singing at choir this week. like was i just moving my mouth not making any sound or not enough sound to feel the joy of singing?? it's not so easy. felt reminded of how fleshy everything and everyone is. might really be onto something with this singing thing re: being present or whatever in mybody.. works on areas that other kinds of exercise don't really reach. feb 4 2025 i stopped drinking my coffee black and it might be changing me for the better. someone remembered my name in a big group of people where i felt kind of invisible and said it out loud twice and it made my day. eating ice cream bites. feb 3 2025 stuck in a claw machine feb 2 2025, but before sleep so technically still the 1st but i did that already and i already was thinking it's the 2nd all day yesterday, 2025 10 min HIIT cardio, moving freely for once. is there anyone or anything behind these ayes. tooth gems. i want to know everything that is unknown to me. i feel like I'm at some kind of point but that's all that i can tell at this point. kind of don't want to be seen or heard. I'm sure she was a lovely lady. thank you for your comment and question, i have no clue. i don't know what it is or why. i wonder if there's any work I'm currently avoiding. this past week i suddenly found myself very invested in a parasocial friendship with some influencers or content creators. it's okay these things happen, and i have to appreciate the talent and skill of drawing ppl in like this. i hope it ends soon. trying to touch grass but it's the middle of winter. feel like I'm going through something that typically a teenager would be going through. does this keep happening. I'm going back in my mind to walk a walk i walked in my childhood, from the town center to the lake for some kind of charity cause. and as always hit the click button and don't forget to if you haven't already and love you all the time feb 1 2025 time travel, monogamy, jet lag, comedy bits, bdsm, curling rolls, it was a school night, 10 min pyjama pilates, sensitive gums, bowling or rowing championship, bonus episodes, wearing grey, getting a new passport, being a scorpio, 2 new subscribtions. got rid of my big tv and canceled gym membership. no special interests just regular curiosity. jan 29 2025 potatoes, potato chips, croissant. jan 28 2025 foggy outside. wearing my favorite turtleneck. jan 27 2025 geniunely wonder if anyone is going to match my freak. a thing i need to use for my task that i said i was already done with but actually only starting now isn't loading. knit a row of my scarf that i probably won't ever wear. going for a walk now. why do i change my mind so often. who am i jan 25 2025 unsure where to post all the crap that i keep making, overwhelmed & embarrassed. also excited about the idea of going back into doing stuff in obscurity. minor internet fame might have stunted my growth in some/many ways. i've gotten really into Scott Walker music. feels life changing in the way that there was before discovering it and after. 我学中文 jan 23rd 2025 bit the inside of my cheek. singing is changing the shape of my mouth.