13 Aug 24 ~ Tuesday 11:04:20 I broke the pattern. "I'm free" from the crippling repetitious cycle of lingering on the edge of completion. As if things being finished means it's over. The Light by Cate Le Bon & Group Listening -- instinctively plays in momentous sync. Suppose I'm at the right place at the right time. Or nowhere at all. Nowhere at all. 05 Aug 24 ~ Monday 22:38 I feel surprised. By how off and okay I am with things. This has been on my mind: "Don't trust me, you don't know that I can hurt you too" 09 Jun 24 ~ Sunday 19:32 writing every day is changing my brain chemistry. in pen, digitally: in a private journal and publicly at the 'end of the day--typos and the kitchen skin.' Plus, here occasionally. At least two places daily for two weeks now. — In the afternoon, Papa and I walked through the neighborhood he showed me a home where the renters were kicked out because they tried to "game" the system. People seem nice and decent till their secrets are tossed publicly on display for all to see. A large half-human-sized teddy. A basketball hoop. A refrigerator that was once there. He'd seen the family earlier. Sad and picking through their things. ... All that's left is the bits of their life that they couldn't take with them--poor planning. 29 May 24 ~ Wednesday Study, Memorize, Internalize 27 May 24 ~ Monday, exactly 13:06 I went through a theatrical spin cycle ...com/letter/956083 Anonymity has been on my mind. I went on a late-night walk last night 22:00 and it felt good, dark but comforting. The park has an eerie feeling when no one is around. I kept thinking about a friend who loves night runs because it motivates her not to be kidnapped. 21 May 24 ~ Tuesday, nearing 23:30 I am inclined to think twice more than once. I know how it starts, I nipped it in the bud. I feel lost in a sea of words. After initially using depression as a way to get time for myself - I feel better now in the silence of my own company. Am I expected to return to how things were before? The company I kept. Expectations differ, differed. — That was what's been on my heart, this is now. Today: A light bulb went off when I heard, "Drive is more important than skill." I add to this 'So get it Done!' Mhm, this very moment. Keep going, lil Rockstar. — I'm adding an email to this, it's a silly one. diarist-leisure-0x@icloud.com 17 May 24 ~ Friday alone but not lonely we spoke only briefly Discord you said aptly 'I'm reformed' my reply for the better truly 11 May 24 ~ Saturday reflecting on "I miss you" It was Monday, first thing how did I come to say that now [my] family, familial meaning I can't describe. The semester ends and this starts again we've been here more than once — one too many times than I can count on myself on this on us 18 Apr 24 ~ Thursday My dreams are tormenting There are nearly too many faces that I meet It was never like this. I learned that the faces are ones I have seen before - Nothing I can fabricate in a dream state Nearly able to remember particular writing I always lose grip on them when I wake Tactfulness that's what I need before the depression decides to set in 5 Apr 24 ~ Friday I must be forgetting something. I have this feeling I can't shake. No, it's not my college application, I know about that - I've been putting it off. Could that be it?! There is a sickening feeling as everyone is scrambling. The lunar-solar eclipse is the talk of the town. This town? My down. My brother sent a vinyl with a card. The occasion none. But a reminder to not stress, as the small stuff, are well, small. 15 Mar 24 ~ Friday I wonder what it would take for things to fall into place. Would I recognize when that has happened? Or would the place I am in life completely different from the place I was when the wonder arose. Does destiny and place intertwine? And will I be okay and in place to receive and accept the nurture of nature place. Missing letters and building blocks of a place I dream of. In a palace someplace in place. ᝰ*ੈ ⟡‧₊࿐ fragmented into 17-days perpetually type-casting machinations koefka.com ...at best shared songs 3 times ❦