i thought about what i would write here in my head and let it roll around and get lost before i dragged myself out of bed. im in a hole where everytime i sleep i wake up feeling worse. i still lay down with optimism. some days it breaks me. i know i just need to go on more walks but its winter and its cold and i dont want to be cold. i think about doing laps in the house, but the thought is terrifying. i thought maybe i could make it fun by walking really slow and trying to notice things i hadn't noticed before but i think it would just make me want to clean and then the whole day would be gone.