july 2nd, 2024 i fully moved in. i have moments where i find my body asking me when we'll go home. i'm told it takes time. "life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage" - anais nin june 22nd, 2024 i'm leaving my three year relationship. not because things are bad, but because they're not particularly good. i get my keys tomorrow to a new place. i've never lived in a place like the one i'm moving to. i don't know what will happen to me. i feel lost, confused. i remember in high school they divided the gym class into boys and girls. the boys went to learn how to lift weights. the girls were put into a room to learn how to defend themselves in case of a sexual assault. they put us in a big circle around the gym, we were sitting on gymnastics mats. they were the ones that make your body sweaty and uncomfortable. they said that we were going to learn to defend ourselves. a random girl was selected in the circle by pulling a name out of a jar. i remember when julie got selected. she went to the middle. a man came out dressed head to toe in padding. he had a helmet on, we didn't recognize him. she was wearing her school tee shirt and gym shorts. they told julie to close her eyes, so she wouldn't know when he runs at her. he ran at her. he slammed into her and took her straight to the ground, pinning her down. she was fighting, screaming, yelling, crying. we were made to watch.