07/10/2024 5:01 pm https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kOFE_KKDNnchl_id6eDRBdoJQ1BA8Gldlb5u3Jr1NoA/edit 07/02/2024 5:47 am sex dream 06/25/2024 5:00 pm my visions this morning consisted of a frog in the shape of a T square ruler/ frog diagrams, there was another frog that settled into the shape of @ and then i woke up 06/21/2024 6:23 am i saw ___ in my dreams again except he was in the home i shared with ____ (we were roommates). he did that thing where he smiled at me (scarred lip and all) then took my left hand and led me away from people so we could 'talk'. he walked me back to my room and i shut the door on him and let myself fall into panic while he was shouting for me from the other side. i started two piles of things, the clothes i need the clothes i dont need, the books i’ll read the books someone else would read, i sorted these collections of my things and heard the two of them talk on the other side of what do girls like what do they not like 06/20/2024 6:00 am a growth on my feont tooth like the nacka of leaves or dice//a firitr chef with a tiny candle tattoosd to clavcile//she is so bored 06/18/2024 05:29 pm I dreamed beyond the lecture, I was so fucking tired. I couldn’t believe how tired I was. I’d love to think I was built different, that I was built beyond being a body that has needs, that wants to be something and is utterly satisfied to finally become nothing. But it’s not like that, it is what it is. 06/18/2024 5:25 pm I had a dream last night that __ was happy about something, I wonder what that was but it was so nice to see a smile on his face, he is so beautiful. 06/04/2024 6:40 am had a dream that ___ asked to meet in a department store maybe thrift store, i kept losing him in the aisles, he had another girl with him with beautiful hair and they were both distracted by other things it was a sark store there was a video playing on the tv// there was a band playing on the other side of the room closer to the exit, some shoegaze white boy shit and ___ was there too and he kept trying to get my attention he kept trying to smile at me and i stared back blankly before avoiding his gaze the band finished their set but one of the guys some girl was like “isnt he the lead?” asked to take my portrait by the window with his tiny little camera i looked away from the camera at the last minute i felt really depraved suddenly before leaving the venue// had a dream that i was a hen and he kept droppijg my eggs// the garden we built, there were ornaments of mosaic deers fixed on charcoal metal on wire stands i kept my eggs safe, there were vegetables growing in the garden consisting of a single stalk of celery, half grown carrot, some green and whit especkled thing (cucumber?)/// i tidied up the garden, pulling put weeds, raking dirt and soil i became a larger version of myself, and helped my dad to build the garden bed, used my own panties to smooth down the edges 05/29/2024 6:50 am yesterday’s dream, diagnosed him w the wrong condition, he jept smiling regardless in the dream they credited my name wrong [NAP] 05/27/2024 9:01 am i exited the train at myrtle broadway but then __ didnt know i was visiting today. i was leaving the other dream that i cant remember because my alarm went off then drifted back to sleep. i saw him leaving the dollar store with a small bag and it was full of dress ties. he saw me too and gave me one of them (a fat red one w yellow details) saying that he’d gotten it for me and squeezed it over my head. he also gave me a beaten winter coat to wear because it was dark and starting to snow. i saw __ also coming into the building w us because she lived here now too. //we went to the pool in the back because it was snowing/raining and i thought it would be perfect. we had to get in line with everyone else and ____ was also there and he was still outspoken and kinda annoying. swimming in the pool was nice but it was crowded w people and what i assume were small manatees or perhaps carp, i hugged a few of them and they were kinda spiny. this is wherr i lost track of everyone because the lifeguard was telling us about the history of the animals and i was enjoying the water too much. i took off __'s jacket and left it on a chair w my red bag and dived into the water. i was wearing a cropped beater and black panties and eventually i lost the feeling of clothes because of the slosh of snow settling at the top of the pool and the gentle movements of beasts around me. //i resurfaced and everyone was filing out of the pool. my friends were gone, i wasnt that cold but i needed to dry off so i would t get sick again. i went into one of the communal bathrooms in the apt and i saw ___ w his girlfriend she also had a red bag. all the lights in the apt were off because the pool was closed so he tried to help me find my bag but gave up. we made vague plans to hang out in fort lee before he left w his partner//another dream like looking at the screen of a bowling alley. 05/23/2024 6:52 am there are three women w red hair laid in carpet a strange sitcom there’s a woman sitting on my legs, feet dangling over the edge of my bed we were playing a game a ritual then knocked down one of the pyres(?) maybe a counter for sacrifice and they all became so mad the blue people they stood up and screamed at me but i left the dream as they glowed like stars//i left the dream to seek out ___ and tell him they were after me he knew them from the dream (another one i’d had, a silly game) and he put on a sitcom to ease my nerves//women are swayed by a beautiful man, he looks like patrick bateman but collegiate height and dusted, he is scheming w a woman who has red hair marker dyed like a doll i had as a child, she has scar knotted skin over her heart and what looks lfreckled scabs on her shoulder, she wakes up on the carpet of his room (his room is at the top of a long staircase) she is naked and the scars on her back are bloodier (maybe psoriasis or maybe bites) there is a hairdryer tangling her legs and she asks for him but he says, leaving, that he’s no good in the morning and she continues sleeping. camera pans out to show a natural red head in the other room splayed in similar fashion and then in the third bedroom a more unnatural red head in similar position, colder. 05/11/2024 11:09 am in ac, batteries that had a soft water taste// this morning i dreamed that i saw __ again and i told her i was sorry and she said something to me and the dream is gone 04/14/2024 7:48 am in the dream you had s pen and paper and tried to cketch the men scross the street whi were//it was moody green csst like the leftover paint jn the wash sink we had packed snacks for the journeybwhich we were kept in the back of the fridge think aged babybell and cold cream in a pocket cup i woke up drooling agter finding specks of blue mold on the other half of the baby bell floated like ice crystals we were crossing the mountain by way of giants//we were giants crossing the mountain racing another man who showed us the way//he told us that the way was marked by a shorter crossing if you threw this boulder over head it would strike a forest in toronto instead of reaching the maximum striking distance (that’s how he jnew rhe way we went that way)//in toronto the streets are perpendicular to the ground because it is mountainous, walkifn these streets is like going into the attic while faye wong sings in the background (did you know that she wrote these lyrics to present mourning as universal, that non mandarin speakers feel it too)//at the diner with one host server the wait time was forty five and they only served expired asian food, that is, all the other foods were fine but then our noodles were doomed to come out slimy, the host (a boy) gave us two sticks of gum anticipating nausea as the only asians in this diner at the top of the attic 02/26/2024 6:10 am coconut cold brew dsrk rainy night steam out of clouds whisping like the rings at the bittom of the glass low crescent i tried to take a picture a young man running into frame saying no no no no donut shop closing i wake up fully