wed oct 29 2025: WOW... insane how much time has passed since i last posted. my bad. life is so different now. im in montreal with my boyfriend who i will have been with for two years in december. i left chicago to be with him december 31st 2023. we then moved to nyc for a few months and then back to montreal. it was a period of growth, comfort, safety, and joy. when we got back to montreal things got a little tougher. james' history came back to real life instead of a far away problem. but that doesnt deserve space in my page right now. instead, im going to talk about how WE WENT TO LOOK AT A RING YESTERDAY?!? i truly never thought marriage was something i wanted, and its not something i need (though for visa stuff it would potentially be easier) mostly, i just love james and think it would be really fun. i want to say "oh this is my husband, james" like how insane would that be. i love the ring we saw. he isnt sure about it but i love it. i hope he reads my mind. sometimes he does that... if you are, james, ILY and you were right ;) hello universe manifesting into the void: - i trust myself and my feelings - i am worthy, capable, and welcoming of new experiences and feelings - i deserve to feel happy and loved - i create my own destiny and with that comes power and purpose - although i don't know where the future leads, i trust that i am headed in the right direction - i am so thankful for all that i have been given/blessed by/created and will continue to feel grateful for everything that comes my way i never thought i would make it this far -- typing that makes me want to cry, but it is the truth -- and that means i want to appreciate all good that comes my way sometimes everything feels hopeless and this is to remind myself that i have so much to look forward to and appreciate in my life these are things i need to work on: - my sense of self - what do i need and what do i want -> the ability to differentiate the two - focus on making myself better, not others worse - that might only make sense in my head but basically i need to stop being such a gemini i guess im only saying all this to keep myself accountable also, maybe someone else in the void has similar experiences i am not alone i am powerful. i deserve respect and to be appreciated. i need to learn how to be everything for myself.