the great indoors

23 (010821) can't recognise myself in the mirror bc of the tan (i look like a german synth pop band leader from the 80's). dreams full of people. love, peace and confused gender feels 22 (130721) dreamt of having sex with my dead friend. we meet up in dreams & do it from time to time + you visit me in my sleep every night now 21 (060721) on the upper hand - you started to show up in my dreams again 20 (010721) probably completely insane 19 (290621) i think i cried in my dream but i'm not sure if it happened last night or the night before. lost track of time completely. will try to find a job maybe when you stop opposing yourself to other people so much but rather seek common ground + let yourself be vulnerable --- the perspective shift may not be radical, but sure is revolutionary 18 (160621) good mood/at ease/talking to people felt nice + couldnt stop laughing the whole day i have so many ideas that it's hard to fall asleep. i keep getting up to write them down (at least twice every night) + movies movies movies taking over my head/heart once again and for real. also feeling good about being labeled as a poet 17 (100621) i like my room very much 16(090621) i keep having unpleasant dreams full of other people. the worst part always makes me wake up so i start the day with a heavy heart 15 (310521) did the universe reward me or did i reward myself? all the same. it doesn't matter if i'm naive or not. it doesn't affect the personal experience in any way & it's not something anyone can punish me for. besides, it's possible that you're knee-deep in this yourself 13 (240521) turns out that i like to dress up. turns out that i like to get tired. turns out that i can feel without having to die. everything is present. i hate saying "i want to..." i am (...) & i can be (...)..... 12 (050521) drinking enormous amounts of tea, having a piece of chocolate, letting a little water into the bathtub, reading and thinking of you (there are days when all of the words in my mind are about you) last week i saw a girl on a tram & we stared at each other like we were watching magic tricks and i got really shy 11 (040521) went to the forest first thing in the morning to record. the trees were becoming more and more eager to creak and squeal with every passing minute, so i waited and gave them time. it turned out that a group of preschoolers was having a field trip at the same time as me. they sang happy birthday to one of the girls and then played a game - "now to the left - what now? - to the right" - i took every step accordingly + listening to my surroundings very closely but at the same time being detached from the reality of their (and my own) position + source gives me a feeling of falling down a well 10 (030521) going very slow and very fast at the same time...!. remembering everything & forgetting everything else 9 (150421) got my period a week early & it feels ritual 8 (130421) achieved the goal of only washing my hair once a week 7 (110421) a little bit chaotic.... trying to go down along the roots of things & hoping to find treasure. (+ lots of ANGER today!!!!! nice feeling) assume that you know & stay ignorant... or open up & welcome a beautiful thrill into your life.... the keywords are: courage + curiosity 6 (070421) half-solitary spaced out day 5 (060421) so many nice little things happening every day that i no longer have any idea about time and what happened when. also my thoughts are being replaced by random rap verses half of the time received a psychic message from my ex via dreams along with some pictures and random items. also dreamt about old stuff - castles, soft wood and bricks (coming to terms with the fact that i can't escape being a retrospective little nerd) 4 (040421) had a long walk today. letting your ears to guide you is a good practice. the sharpness of sunlight made everything seem simulated. i collected some sounds & then took a nap which resulted in hyperrealistic-half-dream-half-fantasy. kinda feel like becoming a spiritual healer..... 3 (010421) i only felt nice things today (except for a slight belly ache) 2 (310321) today's theme: absurd. i travelled by train, grabbed a coffee, pet a dog, put a little heart in my pocket & went back. then came across my friends by chance - we ate chocolate & nectarines and talked (in the sun by the water). my pupils were dilated from eye drops and i felt like a new born baby (taking in too much at once) i view words as the ultimate truth too often - all necessarily real and final. i give them too little space to play and wander + be something else than true. i remembered my dream again last night 1 (300321) underneath the exhaustion i am filled with amazing energy. feeling invincible and sleepy. thinking about how my handwriting reflects the fact that my thoughts are chaotic and never preserved well enough in my mind. careful writing means thinking more..... and remembering dreamt about paintings last night - something about oil paint not being transparent enough

cool objects of the moment

  • anything i find & look at with love

pdf

  • https://www.docdroid.net/Lmp837J/simone-weil-first-and-last-notebooks-pdf?referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.are.na%2F

to do

  • i have LOTS to do

my room(s)

  • https://www.are.na/aleksandra-dabrowska/larwa
  • https://ohmst.tumblr.com/
  • https://www.last.fm/user/dyspneas
  • https://radiokapital.pl/shows/pongifani

olka is a fan of