trying my best
24 / she / utc+3
wishing sweet dreams to a person and vice versa hits different when u started crushing on them thanks to a sweet dream. still softy, over a couple of months later
dreamt i was in some sort of bar
had a dentist appointment
checking out yung lean more properly
ought to declutter the desk in my room, want my laptop back in here (its at guestroom desk rn)
sort of just bein'. nearly forgot to update my utc offset up in here ha
@algae "The Death card is good though! (Astrological sign in Scorpio: Are you or is someone you know a Scorpio? Think of them today..)" i very much am a scorpio and might be needing some RATTLING in my life
i have my laptop at the desk in the guest room rn, i love how my cat is sleeping near me when im here instead of opting to chill in my room. she does love being near me then
the crushfriend, on the discord we both dwell at, occasionally calls ppl dear but still hits different when its aimed at me. tho dunno how much they call ppl dearest but nonetheless that hits different too
also some new c. diab, mmmmm
sweet to find a friend listening thru an obscureass album that i found possibly via here
(by petrichor, the smell of rain. i dont remember who/where exactly i picked it up from)
hello i have a lil garden too now
oh to be a soft fool
"nnothing hhits better than ur crush sending u music recs for ur listening pleasure" ( @good ) oh yes. or otherwise ppl i feel a vibey connection of kinds with. still thinkin about how a friend in a discord server was like "I'm just constantly on the search for drone for Sneek now" the other week (i go by sneek there), we vaguely bond over liking distorted BRRRRRR (picked up the body from them for instance (tho did see an unrelated friend somewhat vibin to em a while ago too). suppose i like the body). but a recent album rec from crushfriend did heavily land for me too, enough to listen to who knows how many times in a row at first
its my bestie's bday today, gonna go to their place n have a sweet quiet celebration with food (tiramisu! etc) and animal crossing (eee :) can finally play together via local play. we havent seen each other since like last september or so)
also nothin like a heartfelt throwing of appreciative words at the crushlike friend after theyve gone to sleep (hah the way i keep flopping between 'he' and 'they' when referring to em here altho theyre fully he. is this me still being like :blurryeyes: at the curveball of full crushing on a guy)
music discoveries have been at an alltime high for me thx to a certain discord server. my lastfm is b u s t l i n g
awfully slow day today
in other news, moms bday in 2 days. ought to visit the store, for something foodable to gift. and i wanna get some smoothie material for myself anyway
also my sleep's been more stable.
well! been a bit stagnant n mostly on discord still. but managed to make my bedside table a bit less cluttered the other day. and re-found an appreciated long-lost hat yesterday
certain person offered itd be best to keep this friendy. i agree, rlly do, itd prob make the most sense. doesnt stop the silly sort of reactions from my feelingsy part...
...also hasnt it been around a year since the inception of special fish! hbd special fish,
was more ok today. did laundry. vibed
certain person said a bit ago he feels like scum re this sorta flirtage bc hes seeing some1 else, i tossed that pebble up in the air last night again (i know slow vibing is the only way to go re this but i just dont want there to be any festering unaddressed brrrrr), he said hed get back to me bout this aft seein her (which was today). hopefully it goes/went over ok for em. feelings do be wack. i suppose longish distance can have some advantages in some cases
head hurts a bit today. loneliness creeping nearby
i wanna try check out @emi 's 'for tender ears' list sometime, skimmed over it and ive heard of at least nils frahm and mary lattimore and what ive heard from the latter (silver ladders, whole album i think) ive liked (the former ive not focused on as much), so yes
though currently been listening to look at the sky by porter robinson on repeat, its hopefulness is a good vibe to take in. "i can make something good"
i guess settling a bit, this, but still soft. somewhat of a new energy within though. also been snowing nonthickly more or less for whole day and night i think (as of 5am which i count as night rn)
think i'd forgotten how it is like to have These Sorts Of Feelings for some1 who Absolutely Reciprocates
1) fluttery, 2) sort of distracting in a soft way, 3) strange and wild, 4) at least ive learned from past me's mistakes so hopefully not (as) much pain along the way, 5) thisll prolly settle a bit in time, guess i gotta enjoy this wacky state while i can hehe
had a quite soft dream, during a shortish nap surprisingly enough
@plutonist o those emotes r rly rly nice i like em
..and simultaneously an acquaintance of sorts!
seedling of sorts within the soul
ought to take steps to make my room @ home a better place to vibe in (i.e less cluttered, really.)
its nice to still have something (someone,) that can still make me excitedly buzz a bit inside in this otherwise awfully stagnant state of being
oh to probably be one of the probably few longerterm And more intense fans of the certain big fav hahaha
i had an un-re-finished fuzzy hat from around a year ago, it sat weird on my head the first time i sewed the inside and outside together, but finished it now and now it seems to be fine. ready for the couple of chillier days coming up, my ears will thank me
shoulder's starting to feel better. it was feeling rlly weak and sore earlier when i woke from this napful sleep.
jan 2 '21:
happy new happy new. my shoulder's been hurty for a few days, but it was holidays n then now weekend so still gotta wait til i can contact my gp to get the stuff checked.
small kids left the other day, peace restored. the dreaded time of month is here, trying out reusable pads this time (in combo w cup, which ive used for longer)
small child yelling noises from living room, not a fan as usual. not quite suffering yet as i had the best sleep ive had in a while (i guess partial thx to earplugs) but it's still early
gingerbread dough making time.
wonder if by next xmas ill have some place where i wont have to tolerate presence of small kids (i just dont like the, idk, expectations on me to interact w the niblings at least a wee bit. dont want to.)
why is time so slippery
<a href="https://riquiqui.arca1000000.com">riquiqui by arca but endless!</a> apparently its this that the qr cover of the 100 instances of riquiqui recent drop should b leading to
'a website as an altar' hmm (<a href="https://www.are.na/ian-mcdonald/an-idea-for-a-website">x</a>)
thought prompt: if you could take 3-5 webpages to an webless island/place what would they be
<a href="https://billwurtz.com/anagrams/anagrams.html">this might b one of my choices</a>
total amount of emails on my pmail: