🌱

estonia

<center><h3>'`°*•☆</h3></center> trying my best 24 / she / utc+3 apr 8: wishing sweet dreams to a person and vice versa hits different when u started crushing on them thanks to a sweet dream. still softy, over a couple of months later apr 5: dreamt i was in some sort of bar had a dentist appointment checking out yung lean more properly ought to declutter the desk in my room, want my laptop back in here (its at guestroom desk rn) mar 30: sort of just bein'. nearly forgot to update my utc offset up in here ha @algae "The Death card is good though! (Astrological sign in Scorpio: Are you or is someone you know a Scorpio? Think of them today..)" i very much am a scorpio and might be needing some RATTLING in my life i have my laptop at the desk in the guest room rn, i love how my cat is sleeping near me when im here instead of opting to chill in my room. she does love being near me then mar 19: the crushfriend, on the discord we both dwell at, occasionally calls ppl dear but still hits different when its aimed at me. tho dunno how much they call ppl dearest but nonetheless that hits different too also some new c. diab, mmmmm mar 16: sweet to find a friend listening thru an obscureass album that i found possibly via here (by petrichor, the smell of rain. i dont remember who/where exactly i picked it up from) mar 12: hello i have a lil garden too now https://guest.garden/pirl mar 8: oh to be a soft fool mar 5: "nnothing hhits better than ur crush sending u music recs for ur listening pleasure" ( @good ) oh yes. or otherwise ppl i feel a vibey connection of kinds with. still thinkin about how a friend in a discord server was like "I'm just constantly on the search for drone for Sneek now" the other week (i go by sneek there), we vaguely bond over liking distorted BRRRRRR (picked up the body from them for instance (tho did see an unrelated friend somewhat vibin to em a while ago too). suppose i like the body). but a recent album rec from crushfriend did heavily land for me too, enough to listen to who knows how many times in a row at first feb 25: its my bestie's bday today, gonna go to their place n have a sweet quiet celebration with food (tiramisu! etc) and animal crossing (eee :) can finally play together via local play. we havent seen each other since like last september or so) also nothin like a heartfelt throwing of appreciative words at the crushlike friend after theyve gone to sleep (hah the way i keep flopping between 'he' and 'they' when referring to em here altho theyre fully he. is this me still being like :blurryeyes: at the curveball of full crushing on a guy) feb 23: music discoveries have been at an alltime high for me thx to a certain discord server. my lastfm is b u s t l i n g feb 21: awfully slow day today feb 20: in other news, moms bday in 2 days. ought to visit the store, for something foodable to gift. and i wanna get some smoothie material for myself anyway feb 18: also my sleep's been more stable. feb 14: well! been a bit stagnant n mostly on discord still. but managed to make my bedside table a bit less cluttered the other day. and re-found an appreciated long-lost hat yesterday feb 9: certain person offered itd be best to keep this friendy. i agree, rlly do, itd prob make the most sense. doesnt stop the silly sort of reactions from my feelingsy part... feb 8: ...also hasnt it been around a year since the inception of special fish! hbd special fish, --- was more ok today. did laundry. vibed certain person said a bit ago he feels like scum re this sorta flirtage bc hes seeing some1 else, i tossed that pebble up in the air last night again (i know slow vibing is the only way to go re this but i just dont want there to be any festering unaddressed brrrrr), he said hed get back to me bout this aft seein her (which was today). hopefully it goes/went over ok for em. feelings do be wack. i suppose longish distance can have some advantages in some cases feb 7: head hurts a bit today. loneliness creeping nearby jan 30: i wanna try check out @emi 's 'for tender ears' list sometime, skimmed over it and ive heard of at least nils frahm and mary lattimore and what ive heard from the latter (silver ladders, whole album i think) ive liked (the former ive not focused on as much), so yes though currently been listening to look at the sky by porter robinson on repeat, its hopefulness is a good vibe to take in. "i can make something good" -- i guess settling a bit, this, but still soft. somewhat of a new energy within though. also been snowing nonthickly more or less for whole day and night i think (as of 5am which i count as night rn) jan 27: think i'd forgotten how it is like to have These Sorts Of Feelings for some1 who Absolutely Reciprocates 1) fluttery, 2) sort of distracting in a soft way, 3) strange and wild, 4) at least ive learned from past me's mistakes so hopefully not (as) much pain along the way, 5) thisll prolly settle a bit in time, guess i gotta enjoy this wacky state while i can hehe jan 26: had a quite soft dream, during a shortish nap surprisingly enough jan 23: @plutonist o those emotes r rly rly nice i like em jan 21: ..and simultaneously an acquaintance of sorts! seedling of sorts within the soul ought to take steps to make my room @ home a better place to vibe in (i.e less cluttered, really.) jan 19: its nice to still have something (someone,) that can still make me excitedly buzz a bit inside in this otherwise awfully stagnant state of being oh to probably be one of the probably few longerterm And more intense fans of the certain big fav hahaha jan 13: i had an un-re-finished fuzzy hat from around a year ago, it sat weird on my head the first time i sewed the inside and outside together, but finished it now and now it seems to be fine. ready for the couple of chillier days coming up, my ears will thank me jan 10: shoulder's starting to feel better. it was feeling rlly weak and sore earlier when i woke from this napful sleep. jan 2 '21: happy new happy new. my shoulder's been hurty for a few days, but it was holidays n then now weekend so still gotta wait til i can contact my gp to get the stuff checked. dec 28: small kids left the other day, peace restored. the dreaded time of month is here, trying out reusable pads this time (in combo w cup, which ive used for longer) dec 24: small child yelling noises from living room, not a fan as usual. not quite suffering yet as i had the best sleep ive had in a while (i guess partial thx to earplugs) but it's still early dec 20: gingerbread dough making time. -- wonder if by next xmas ill have some place where i wont have to tolerate presence of small kids (i just dont like the, idk, expectations on me to interact w the niblings at least a wee bit. dont want to.) -- why is time so slippery dec 18: <a href="https://riquiqui.arca1000000.com">riquiqui by arca but endless!</a> apparently its this that the qr cover of the 100 instances of riquiqui recent drop should b leading to dec 11: 'a website as an altar' hmm (<a href="https://www.are.na/ian-mcdonald/an-idea-for-a-website">x</a>) dec 8: thought prompt: if you could take 3-5 webpages to an webless island/place what would they be <a href="https://billwurtz.com/anagrams/anagrams.html">this might b one of my choices</a> [-sweep-] total amount of emails on my pmail: 249 (12may20), 214 (postprune), 234 (9aug), 199 (4sep)

phrases i've said "the name of my next project" about

  • * egreog arze
  • * aggressively european-looking dish
  • * percussive maintenance
  • * stick shift sore throat
  • * flash whiplash
  • * lil to go box
  • * trashy murder scene shit
  • * distant rumbling of portaloos down a hill
  • * unrelated angular chair dance
  • * beyond tits
  • * great tits are screaming outside in the trees
  • * dream distaste smoothie

+ vol2

  • * russian class and experimental moments
  • * single event upsets
  • * [the name of a hypothetical track for one of these hypothetical next projects:] it's not like these cool glass jars where you throw in some shrubs, bugs, water
  • * soap flame lane codex
  • * under eternal renovation
  • * threaten your router with a knife
  • * diophantine equation
  • * total fucky
  • * useless on wheels

music!

  • https://moapillar.bandcamp.com/track/not-even-last-nights-storm-could-wake-me
  • https://katydid1305.bandcamp.com/album/i-am-so-happy-that-we-were-in-the-same-place-at-the-same-time
  • https://santebela.bandcamp.com/track/sv-gravity-0
  • [added sep2 '20] https://wearetar.bandcamp.com/album/threads-strings-rubens (a single by kai whiston, from 2016, that i recently got into. rubens especially)
  • late sep28: i find myself vibing to riquiqui by arca. tasty beats n overall a vibe
  • oct11 10am: https://iglooghost.bandcamp.com/album/places-u-hide-s-k-e-t-c-h-e-s the bit from 5:35ish is delicious.
  • late nov15: been a while since i discovered it now but excave by benoit pioulard makes me fuckin Cry Quietly almost every time
  • wee hours of nov23: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNWiZCt3840 (play em like atari by ecco2k)
  • wee hrs of dec15: https://youtu.be/WVDqTXJByUM i'm aching for it i'm aching for it i'm aching for it i'm aching for it [the void by bladee]
  • feb 4 2021: ive been vibing to c. diab a lot lately. https://cdiab.bandcamp.com/
  • mar 5: vibing to the body, also vibing to porter robinson, also vibing to drain gang, also v-
  • apr 10: SURPRISE SURPRISE ive been all over lean both yung and regular this week

moa_pillar_-_nature_theme_2.mp3

  • https://fuselab.bandcamp.com/track/nature-theme-2
  • i have 3800+ plays on this single track according to my lastfm, since aug '16 (when i bought (digitally) the ep it's on)
  • it's quite cozy. ive had beautiful warm moments accompanied by this track. (appreciating those despite the complex mp-adjacent feelings as of late [autumn 2020])
  • (perhaps enhanced by the weird love i have for moa himself, and the subsequent realizing of how much weird love there can be within me for all that im able to love)
  • • the countless times ive simply vibed to it, sometimes on repeat, often before sleep
  • • the one time on an evening walk when i was listening to it and suddenly noticed the moon glowing softly behind a haze of clouds and it was beautiful
  • • the few times ive simply vibed to it while on a bus looking out of the window and taking in the view (mostly dusk, sometimes with moon)
  • - • the most recent (end of july '20) of those times i also noticed the coziness n safety of lit-up windows in my hometown, almost started straight-up Crying
  • - • also have tended to listen to it on the way back from the little trips ive had abroad mainly (but not only) to see moa perform live; has filled me with warmth every time
  • - - • on the fieldsfest trip (aug '19) on the bus back home i at some point felt such amounts of weird love that even thinking of nt2 made me quietly cry a bit
  • • on wee hours of 28th aug '20 i was vaguely looking out the window while in bed, and listening to nt2, when i suddenly saw a shooting star...
  • not that these moments aren't warm/beautiful on their own. but the presence of nature theme 2 adds more warmth to them.

i exist

  • https://sneakypancake.tumblr.com
  • https://www.instagram.com/sneekiblin/
  • https://last.fm/user/sneakypancake
  • https://bandcamp.com/sneekiblin
  • [uni network homepage now taken offline]

links

  • • feb 12 ('20): seal cam! https://youtu.be/3A1Wi3sOy7g
  • • feb 16: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1i0Z73mhwLyG9R8RKvLFm6NUSsdZeL8LVcOh3I0arWjA this essay (via http://celiahollander.com)
  • • mar 24: https://madronalabs.com/products/aalto screwed around with the demo
  • • apr 9: https://ischialisteningtocsh.glitch.me/ omg this link by @chia
  • • apr 29: http://theradio.tk some sort of radioesque thing, or 'multiverse project' as an ig mutual of mine (DARK selection is his) referred to it
  • • may 29: https://emptyday.today/readings/how-to-live/ yeah
  • • sep 5: https://www.raptitude.com/2017/06/want-more-time-get-rid-of-the-easiest-way-to-spend-it/ using socmedia like websites or w/e

🌃

  • https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/363940459439063040/591657897109225481/20190620_020819.jpg
  • https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/260438376270921729/749668195257942077/20200830_193232.jpg