thinking out loud
thinking i could acquire a table tennis set. there are some public tables in the city i go to uni to and at least one in my hometown. would b nice w the occasional friend
bit lonely. been on my own far too much lately
and the feeling was amplified a bit (a lot) by rather silly means . stupid little admiration stupid little yearning
roommate told me she'll probably return here next weekend. such amounts of pure alonetime feel weird to me
the 'date of last cry' thing of @lovelag gave me a list thought of listing some times i have cried which i still remember not sure how good that idea is but it's an idea
the thesis momentum very wobbly still. as is everything
today had nice weather. chilled outdoors w parents and 1 of my bros a bit, grilled & ate stuff, took in the sun
some things feel like a dream
nov 30 '19, part of a shy fragmented conversation
f: 'do you have dreams?'
i (approx): 'i dont know.... havent thought about it'
f: 'i dont have dreams, i have plans'
pragmatic of you, fedya
i have dreams. night dreams. and regular dreams. and daydreams,
4pm. today -
heated up a frozen pizza and eaten most of it (some i left for later)
backing up (some of) the contents of the laptop's hard drive onto external drive, just in case
just bought bus tickets to visit home for a day
gotta pack up the tiny things i have in this dwelling to bring home
must try to finalize the lit review chapter of my thesis so that i could move on to the next step
dealt with and slapped the mostly-ready definiteness stuff into the thesis file. satisfying.
want to see what to do with the chaos that is the english-article-usage-cases subchapters...
have been on my own since may 11th when roommate went home for a while. days feeling blank, in this dwelling. need to visit home somewhen, my cat is waiting for me
tomorrow i will try to acquire a decent amount of material for the definiteness subchapter of my thesis. a decent essay's worth of material. what is a bachelor's thesis if not an extended essay.
i still have an amount of cheese sauce, made on the 11th. i'll boil some more spaghetti, to be able to consume the sauce before it goes bad [-i think i managed to finish it on the 17th or 18th-]
gate by moa pillar is fun to listen to on the eternal jukebox, exceptionally loop-friendly track, that one. heres an unwieldy link, for it is with my own upload of the audio and thus is guaranteed to work:
stupid little admiration...... and yearning..
214 emails in total now.
there are currently a total of 249 emails on my protonmail, after a bit of pruning of my bachelor's degree stuffs folder
being, hands, being, hands, being, hands,
via @diesh , about that new link in my musiclist (drumming by zurkas tepla and moa pillar): "(thank you pirl ♡, I have listened to this ep three times yesterday)" :D!!! feels real nice whenever some1 grabs a music rec of yrs
spotted at @lina , this dream summary intrigues me: "28 04 government decides to disable time and clocks during quarantine"
how to harness these sheer energies / tight hugs to myself
mar 31 (+ may 10):
moa to me re a postponed event: "We will обязательно встретимся!" i wish to keep the energy of this reply with me. want to meet n chat at least a bit with him irl again
been sleeping at night for a week or so, waking up before or around sunrise.
from @glittrfae : "the inability to ever thank your loved ones enough for their existence, or the fate string that ties you together with a fragile little bow" (from their invisible things list)
@ skwak i shall think about the phantomwifi offer... Will See. [-may 16: i have put this thought on hold, in light of my great thesis struggle, but i am still holding the thought-]