<center><h3>'`°*•☆</h3></center> trying my best 24 / she / utc+2 jan 19: its nice to still have something (someone,) that can still make me excitedly buzz a bit inside in this otherwise awfully stagnant state of being oh to probably be one of the probably few longerterm And more intense fans (if not like sort of the only? or maybe there r a couple besides me.) of the certain big fav hahaha jan 13: i had an un-re-finished fuzzy hat from around a year ago, it sat weird on my head the first time i sewed the inside and outside together, but finished it now and now it seems to be fine. ready for the couple of chillier days coming up, my ears will thank me (forecast says itll be around -13c at 10am tmr when i need to go to unemployment services consultant, that's not beanie temperature, and rn its saying itll be below -20c on sunday evening so if i were to want to go on walk then, then im now prepared for that too) jan 10: @ dec 2: i still havent -- shoulder's starting to feel better. it was feeling rlly weak and sore earlier when i woke from this napful sleep. -- having a human body is fucking stupid i just want my shoulder not to be hurting Or sore i just want to sleep when its fuckin dark. jan 2 '21: happy new happy new. my shoulder's been hurty for a few days, but it was holidays n then now weekend so still gotta wait til i can contact my gp to get the stuff checked. got a hot/cold compress pack today, it is waiting in freezer rn, or perhaps it has waited enough by now dec 28: small kids left the other day, peace restored. the dreaded time of month is here, trying out reusable pads this time (in combo w cup, which ive used for longer) dec 24: small child yelling noises from living room, not a fan as usual. not quite suffering yet as i had the best sleep ive had in a while (i guess partial thx to earplugs) but it's still early dec 22: first contact w the unemployment services person (who will apparently also be my new consultant there) went well actually. hell YES dec 20: gingerbread dough making time. -- wonder if by next xmas ill have some place where i wont have to tolerate presence of small kids (i just dont like the, idk, expectations on me to interact w the niblings at least a wee bit. dont want to.) could make lists of pros n cons of moving to my own place, in the spirit of @wesleyac 's taiwan pro/con lists -- why is time so slippery dec 18: <a href="https://riquiqui.arca1000000.com">riquiqui by arca but endless!</a> apparently its this that the qr cover of the 100 instances of riquiqui recent drop should b leading to (my phone didnt pick up the qr) dec 14: a bit of money would be nice, then i could get closer to moving out which could be one way of solving some of the problems dec 11: 'a website as an altar' hmm (<a href="https://www.are.na/ian-mcdonald/an-idea-for-a-website">x</a>) dec 8: thought prompt: if you could take 3-5 webpages to an webless island/place what would they be <a href="https://billwurtz.com/anagrams/anagrams.html">this might b one of my choices</a> dec 2: the snow's melted for now now the jobseeky course has ended, i ought to add the coursemates in fb i think, to keep contact nov 30: last day of nov... mildly snowy outside. [-sweep-] total amount of emails on my pmail: 249 (12may20), 214 (postprune), 234 (9aug), 199 (4sep)


  • https://moapillar.bandcamp.com/track/not-even-last-nights-storm-could-wake-me
  • https://katydid1305.bandcamp.com/album/i-am-so-happy-that-we-were-in-the-same-place-at-the-same-time
  • https://santebela.bandcamp.com/track/sv-gravity-0
  • [added sep2] https://wearetar.bandcamp.com/album/threads-strings-rubens (a single by kai whiston, from 2016, that i recently got into. rubens especially)
  • late sep28: i find myself vibing to riquiqui by arca. tasty beats n overall a vibe
  • oct11 10am: https://iglooghost.bandcamp.com/album/places-u-hide-s-k-e-t-c-h-e-s the bit from 5:35ish is delicious.
  • late nov15: been a while since i discovered it now but excave by benoit pioulard makes me fuckin Cry Quietly almost every time
  • wee hours of nov23: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNWiZCt3840 (play em like atari by ecco2k)
  • wee hrs of dec15: https://youtu.be/WVDqTXJByUM i'm aching for it i'm aching for it i'm aching for it i'm aching for it [the void by bladee]


  • https://fuselab.bandcamp.com/track/nature-theme-2
  • i have 3800+ plays on this single track according to my lastfm, since aug '16 (when i bought (digitally) the ep it's on)
  • it's quite cozy. ive had beautiful warm moments accompanied by this track. (appreciating those despite the complex mp-adjacent feelings as of late [autumn 2020])
  • (perhaps enhanced by the weird love i have for moa himself, and the subsequent realizing of how much weird love there can be within me for all that im able to love)
  • • the countless times ive simply vibed to it, sometimes on repeat, often before sleep
  • • the one time on an evening walk when i was listening to it and suddenly noticed the moon glowing softly behind a haze of clouds and it was beautiful
  • • the few times ive simply vibed to it while on a bus looking out of the window and taking in the view (mostly dusk, sometimes with moon)
  • - • the most recent (end of july '20) of those times i also noticed the coziness n safety of lit-up windows in my hometown, almost started straight-up Crying
  • - • also have tended to listen to it on the way back from the little trips ive had abroad mainly (but not only) to see moa perform live; has filled me with warmth every time
  • - - • on the fieldsfest trip (aug '19) on the bus back home i at some point felt such amounts of weird love that even thinking of nt2 made me quietly cry a bit
  • • on wee hours of 28th aug '20 i was vaguely looking out the window while in bed, and listening to nt2, when i suddenly saw a shooting star...
  • not that these moments aren't warm/beautiful on their own. but the presence of nature theme 2 adds more warmth to them.

i exist

  • https://sneakypancake.tumblr.com
  • https://www.instagram.com/sneekiblin/
  • https://last.fm/user/sneakypancake
  • https://bandcamp.com/sneekiblin
  • [uni network homepage now taken offline]


  • • feb 12 ('20): seal cam! https://youtu.be/3A1Wi3sOy7g
  • • feb 16: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1i0Z73mhwLyG9R8RKvLFm6NUSsdZeL8LVcOh3I0arWjA this essay (via http://celiahollander.com)
  • • mar 24: https://madronalabs.com/products/aalto screwed around with the demo
  • • apr 9: https://ischialisteningtocsh.glitch.me/ omg this link by @chia
  • • apr 29: http://theradio.tk some sort of radioesque thing, or 'multiverse project' as an ig mutual of mine (DARK selection is his) referred to it
  • • may 29: https://emptyday.today/readings/how-to-live/ yeah
  • • sep 5: https://www.raptitude.com/2017/06/want-more-time-get-rid-of-the-easiest-way-to-spend-it/ using socmedia like websites or w/e


  • https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/363940459439063040/591657897109225481/20190620_020819.jpg
  • https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/260438376270921729/749668195257942077/20200830_193232.jpg