2412110515 I teared up from cutting onions, I scared myself by walking past my mirror with my dark hair and white dress, i saw a very big and fluffy dog from the window, i made fried rice, i found a red ribbon for mill, i trimmed my bangs on my own and they look awful, i put dark green ivy over the mirror, i put on freshly dried clothes, i regretted reading this book, i found a tea house I'll try soon because the staff is said to be kind, i got sick and tired and bitterly amused about various things again, i completed my most favorite project of these past months, i received lovely words from _ and _ about my design, i clean and work and read and fall asleep at 15:00 to a piano song, 2412081653 This week, maybe the last as well, - i woke up from bad dreams again. i dreamed about _ and _ and _ again - The tremor in my hands has not improved, and it was noticeably worse one day - i liked thursday's coffee so much that i returned on saturday. The morning was cold and rainy, by the time i finished my work around 13:30 it was the perfect temperature and overcast, when i got home around 17:00 it was quite cold and rainy again - A lot of people smiled at me. One of them was wearing reindeer antlers. Sometimes i like that people will pass by while smiling at you in this country. - i bought hydrangeas and baby's breath. I placed them in my room, and when i woke up to the sound of rain and the fragrance of fresh flowers today, my heart didn't feel as suffocated as it did the past weeks. - I got tired again, and annoyed again, because that kind of situation is happening again. - i felt amused that i walked around in a circle to reach the bus stop because i was confused by the roundabout. I passed by a very beautiful house, my favorite kind, off white and brown with arched doorways and a-frame windows and elevated on a little hill. - i also was amused at how a single dinner plate arrived in such a big box with too much packaging. - that store was too crowded but people seemed eager to smile at each other. the other store had too many people blocking the path while walking slowly. The cashier was condescending to others. I felt relieved when i got back to my own neighborhood and home and remembered this is why i always buy groceries online. 2412052308 I liked today's coffee and bread, and how _ remembered that i like to hug her sandwich plushie, and the plant photos i saw, and a joke about the hatching chick in the egg, and how i got a lot of the project done, and that i had the most fun doing it, and how _ helps me with it and said he always enjoys seeing the warmth in my works, and the way the person in the car smiles and nods to let me know i can cross, and the walnut wood of things like my mirror and tray and can opener. My mind is mush by this evening, but i like that i still remembered some things of today. Oh, the day before yesterday i overslept. The bed is too comfortable maybe. I like how it's warmer when i pull the blanket over my head. 2412042132 The coffee lady smiled quietly in greeting again, and i ordered one of her coffee again. Today i liked how the brown coffee and white milk were swirling in the cup. As i walked with my coffee i saw that the older lady waiting in line with a dog by her side was smiling in our direction for some reason. I turned my head not only because i noticed this but i also wanted to look at her little dog, and her smile got bigger and brighter, a very kind and happy smile, and i smiled back, because her dog was cute and her smile was so kind and happy. It reminded me of the elderly lady in front of a place we stayed in ha noi who, when she saw me as i got out of the taxi and was walking by her, also suddenly smiled for some reason, in a rather happy way. I didn't know her, but she was just sitting, and then smiled upon looking at me, i wondered why, though it was not a bad feeling. Recently i appreciate the happy smiles of strangers even more, the kind that is given without hesitation and you can feel their joy. Earlier today a very cute baby with little curls of hair also looked into my eyes and she smiled and babbled with merriment, and i felt so healed, my heart that has been bothering me lately felt lighter after grinning too much from her adorable presence in the room. On today's walk home, at 16:30 the sky is blue and orange, i love the orange because it looks like a warm glow, and i like it even more as the blue gets darker by 17:00. And the crows flying in circles, or whatever pattern it is they were flying in, they looked a bit enchanting. However, as i neared my building there were these very big crows in my path, and i was astounded at their size, and terrified to walk by. Luckily for my bird phobia they flew away! but it was too close for comfort. It took three elevator rounds to bring all of my new packages up. I was amused at how cumbersome it was to bring in and open the biggest package and get the heavy thing out and lug it into place. _ said i can find amusement in such simple moments. Tonight i felt a little glad that I've gotten better at smiling at others, and because of others.