'`°*•☆ feb 9 6pm: re https://memory.elliott.computer/posts/go-back-to-go-forward/ cc @elliott: concept: memory pincushion... there's a song* that's become some kind of memory pincushion in my mind, largely specifically for moments of connection? its a beautiful thing, even tho i haven't specifically compiled (most of) the memories ive pinned to it, yet. but been wanting to, if even just for myself *cartoon smile by oli xl. ive been stupidly loud online about my love for it :p in here (snipped away), on my site, in the comments for the song across places, in friends' dm-s, in *oli's* dm-s (eventually swore off it i dont wanna overwhelm), etc maybe........... and maybe this pincushionness is one of the main things that makes it rly special for me (and even after frankly insane playcounts (im talking 6k+) im not tired of it :,) wild) feb 4 4am: the urge to finish off stuff in one sitting if feasible can be a CURSE look at the fucking time im writing this. (went thru all the folders in my videos folder, cleared out like 2.1gb worth stuff. some could still be downsized probably but leaving that for later cos not urgently needing space and wnna go thru other files too but... maybe not now... cos, the time) 2025 --- 2024 dec 30 9pm: sometimes feels nice not to elaborate dec 15 8:30pm: back from the trip to bristol, it was quite nice overall but my head hurts and my throat is sore now, need a big sleep before work tomorrow... feeling fragile, my period started during the trip too. shed a few tears twice on the flights, once happy (over the tiny things, as usual), once sad (over hypothetical thinking). glad still. time to slowly sink back into the day-to-day and try steer myself best i can towards more ideal futures... dec 11 8:45pm: dont want to directly ping this person w a mention but @ vent [ https://special.fish/vent ] you are so real for all of that. im fortunately not dealing with any active flaming crushes right now, just this stupid lowkey admiration for a certain huge fav artist amongst the other appreciations i got goin for him mostly music-wise. can't flag this as a celeb crush he is not a celeb and Fuckign Knows I Exist. and im catching him dj for the 12th time this friday loolllll (though after the sets this month there will apparently be no more until album :-O!!?!) okay, well, and this friend of mine who's admitted she has a crush on me but she's been rather awol from online but i don't mind that, and some sort of dry crush-kindling at hand for another friend who appeared in a dream of mine a little embarrassingly some time back and i mentioned that to him vaguely and he was like 'gonna have to remember to bring this up next time i catch you at an oli show' lol, i mean realistically nothing will happen of this, would just be funny to directly recount the dream. tangential: i tend to forget at a conscious level i have Real Influence On My Part Of The World? so it feels ...good? whenever some1 really Acknowledges what i do, or whenever i make some1 really Feel something with what i do or say. nov 6 9:30pm: stupidly quiet life looking forward to winter ⇄ looking forward to summer [snip] jul 1 9pm: i went on a really long nighttime walk the other night (wee hours of 28th, some 12:30am to 4:00am), still thinking of the 2:30am hot dog and peppermint hot chocolate i got from the 24h gas station at the edge of town [snip]