tabitha @tabitha
Sunday 23:23
recursive feelings
Sat 23:56:21
4 8 15 16 23 42
I now spend the better parts of my day commuting. The quiet of the morning and slowdown of late evening are replaced by an urge to arrive. And feeling up in arms in a steady pace forwards chasing time backwards.
On one of these travels, I read this on a stone curving: "The only boundary to learning is the scope of your vision and curiosity."
There was more but that profoundly stood out of the all the other arrangements of words.
Quickly approaching: Daylight Saving Time
Thu 16:56:46
The silence of patience is deafening.
Monday 00:56:56
two things can be true at once.
Sohodolls' Bang Bang Bang Bang is playing
~ Tuesday 11:04:20
I broke the pattern. "I'm free" from the crippling repetitious cycle of lingering on the edge of completion. As if things being finished means it's over.
The Light by Cate Le Bon & Group Listening -- instinctively plays in momentous sync. Suppose I'm at the right place at the right time. Or nowhere at all.
Nowhere at all.
05 ~ Monday 22:38
I feel surprised. By how off and okay I am with things. This has been on my mind: "Don't trust me, you don't know that I can hurt you too"
09 ~ Sunday 19:32
writing every day is changing my brain chemistry. in pen, digitally: in a private journal and publicly at the 'end of the day--typos and the kitchen skin.' Plus, here occasionally. At least two places daily for two weeks now.
—
In the afternoon, Papa and I walked through the neighborhood he showed me a home where the renters were kicked out because they tried to "game" the system. People seem nice and decent till their secrets are tossed publicly on display for all to see. A large half-human-sized teddy. A basketball hoop. A refrigerator that was once there. He'd seen the family earlier. Sad and picking through their things. ... All that's left is the bits of their life that they couldn't take with them--poor planning.
29 ~ Wednesday
Study, Memorize, Internalize
27 ~ Monday, exactly 13:06
I went through a theatrical spin cycle ...com/letter/956083 Anonymity has been on my mind. I went on a late-night walk last night 22:00 and it felt good, dark but comforting. The park has an eerie feeling when no one is around. I kept thinking about a friend who loves night runs because it motivates her not to be kidnapped.
21 ~ Tuesday, nearing 23:30
I am inclined to think twice more than once. I know how it starts, I nipped it in the bud. I feel lost in a sea of words. After initially using depression as a way to get time for myself - I feel better now in the silence of my own company. Am I expected to return to how things were before? The company I kept. Expectations differ, differed.
—
That was what's been on my heart, this is now. Today: A light bulb went off when I heard, "Drive is more important than skill." I add to this 'So get it Done!' Mhm, this very moment. Keep going, lil Rockstar.
—
You can email me...
17 ~ Friday
alone but not lonely
we spoke only briefly
Discord you said aptly
'I'm reformed' my reply
for the better truly
11 ~ Saturday
reflecting on "I miss you"
It was Monday, first thing
how did I come to say that
now [my] family, familial
meaning I can't describe.
The semester ends and
this starts again
we've been here
more than once
—
one too many times
than I can count
on myself
on this
on us
18 ~ Thursday
My dreams are tormenting
There are nearly too many faces that I meet
It was never like this.
I learned that the faces are ones I have seen before
- Nothing I can fabricate in a dream state
Nearly able to remember particular writing
I always lose grip on them when I wake
Tactfulness that's what I need
before the depression decides to set in
5 ~ Friday
I must be forgetting something.
I have this feeling I can't shake.
No, it's not my college application, I know about that
- I've been putting it off. Could that be it?!
There is a sickening feeling as everyone is scrambling.
The lunar-solar eclipse is the talk of the town.
This town? My down.
A gift received: vinyl with a card
The occasion none. But a reminder to not stress,
as the small stuff, are well, small.
15 ~ Friday
I wonder what it would take for things to fall into place.
Would I recognize when that has happened? Or would the place
I am in life completely different from the place
I was when the wonder arose. Does destiny and place
intertwine? And will I be okay and in place
to receive and accept the nurture in place.
Missing letters and building blocks of a place
I dream of. In a palace someplace in place.
𓍼⋆
view the source
flirting with the abyss
- 5:2C:DE\=6:DFC6\_Io:4=@F5]4@>, encoded rot47
Everybody's story is different.
- Outfit 3D, whole life CG
- Learning to want you was just what I needed
- What 3 things would you take to a deserted island?
- The moment is passing, passed
- "She's only perfect 'cause she's far away. In the spaces in between you can be anything"
- Don't trust me, you don't know that I can hurt you too
- <3
- speaking in tongues
❦ pillars
- certainty
- thoughtfulness
- vulnerability
- providence p̶r̶o̶t̶e̶c̶t̶i̶o̶n̶
- character i̶n̶d̶i̶v̶i̶d̶u̶a̶l̶i̶t̶y̶
⚘
- Roses in the spring
- Chrysanthemum for their name
- Baby's-breath a stunner
- Yellow Daisies in the summer
- Asters for bees
- Marigold also in the summer
- Sunflowers in a field