today: today I saw a girl that had very neurotic moves on the street, she was wearing clothes that matched her a lot, but also not following the fashion at all, which is my favourite way people can dress. some notes from recent time: sitting at a cafe and thinking of wearing not loose clothes loosely, there was this boy who had very confident moves, it made me feel bad, I was jealous, I often look so stiff! Want to looks relaxed and self confident... Recently I was also thinking of romantic relationships when people are already not that young, like in their mid-30s, I feel these kinds of relationships often are more stable already, people also more often are post their weird / crazy eras, and honestly I can't wait to be in such relationship. I don't have much interest in following internet trends and social media stuff in general. I find it cute when people don't know something what is happening in the internet. I regret deleting a list of shows I played from my soundcloud description... but maybe it's ok I'll start tracking it from now (and include the shows I played last year). pre-today (today is August 14 2025): off the dating apps for a month now, and the more time passes the more i realise it's a good thing, at least for now, and not only because i have no time for that, but also i feel i might learn a bit more about my ways of finding joy in my alone time. so far my alone time was inspiring and i was often more focused, but at the same time i got bored easier, and had those cycles of going on dates for 1-2 months and then not doing so for 1-2 months, and the same cycle over again. this time it's more conscious decision. i need to find ways to prioritise me time, not to put much too much energy into work, not too distract myself with things weren't that inspiring when done too often (i have doubts about organising more music shows,,), not use social media much (but still keep it, as i'm meeting people there)... sometimes i do quite random stuff, like going to a cafe to read a book, which doesn't really work reading-book-wise, and mostly gave me false hopes that something will happen there... but at the same time i feel a need to go out sometimes, and recently in warsaw i don't feel there are any places to which i like going, except a cinema. maybe also meeting some friends, but not all of them, i'm thinking of these two friends that make me feel stimulated, and in a way that i feel i want to keep trying to experience life in a special way - i want to feel such thing more often! so, overall, i'm getting this intuition that there is not much more to expect from warsaw itself, which i believe is a realisation that i'll get in every new place, but i think i'd like to go through this whole cycle of finding a new place inspiring once again and to finally decide to move out of poland (for like 2 years or a bit more) to some other country. starting from 1-2 2-month sublets just to try this place first. i'm afraid of being in that new place completely alone (i already had a few friends in warsaw when i moved here), but for now i feel that it's a new thing to try, and even if it'd be hard at first then it's worth doing anyway. so overall i think that focusing on dating too much stopped me from some bigger changes in life, and from doing things that bring me joy. at the same time this decision is related to doubting possibility of meeting someone romantically, or at least in this place where i am. - guitar on the bed and open window - tailor's measuring tape taken from my parents' home - alsace lorraine - Long, Lointain by GoGooo - blueberry, very blue i'll be cleaning my apartment now, and while i'll be doing so, i'll let my thoughts flow, and i think i'll post some.