⠀ my stream of unconsciousness ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⣼⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣴⣱⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⠟⠛⠛⢿⣷⣤⣤⣤⡴⣯⣾⠏⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠜⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⢻⣮⣗⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⡿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡤⠶⠶⠶⣖⣦⣄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡾⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⣻⣶⣋⣓⣆⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⣴⠞⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡴⠶⠾⠛⠛⠛⠿⣽⡁⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⢙⣲⣦⣤⠴⠾⠛⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢀⣶⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠓⠒⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⢠⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠎⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ hi! this is essentially a disorganised outpouring of whatever leaks out of my fingertips. i try not to edit. 12.09.24 i have an idea for a story, it's set in an enclosed community in rural, southern america (or perhaps another place), a cultish one, you know the kind. i'm excited to research the relevant history, but, i'm also considering fantasy. there's something incredible about making my own laws and timeline for my writing to fall into perfectly. but there's also something sickeningly real about placing your words into lived events. i'm torn between them really, because a large part of the basis is concerning a strange wlw relationship, and its persecution. also, is it shallow to only write tragedies? does there have to be some redeeming, hopeful quality? i have a plan for this nevertheless: to frame my characters as 'sacrifices'. for what? queer freedom? or just a story of two people amongst many, whom were never allowed narrative. i have to chill, it doesn't have to be that deep, i'm staring intently at booktok romance here. but it's true. everything is that deep to me. 02.09.24 blood runs thicker than water- is that really true? presuming so, then my blood is over-diluted ribena and my water is a viscus cornstarch slurry. the kind you use in compote, which in itself resembles a sickening, clotting blood. it is a blood of my own making, which does not leak from pierced flesh. an elixir brewed through the whims of my decision. a life materialised by my own volition. not some generational heirloom, the fallacy that i inherited which is commonly known as family. apparently that quote has biblical origins. explains why it's false. 30.08.24 aquariums are neat :] 26.08.24 san fran has been nice. i cried on the golden gate bridge, but my drying tears cooled me down as i kept cycling. it might have even enhanced the experience. i forgot that my shut-in skin cannot handle any UV, and now i look like a dish at the nearby crab restaurant. i'm trying to handle myself but my grip is shaky on the bars. i'm trying to keep a lid on things but the pot's boiling over. soon everyone will be coughing out steam, or shooting it out their noses like dragons. my body in respiration, like air in circulation. to even look outside, it robs me of my composure. 14.08.24 i love buying gifts for people ♡ it makes me happiest when i pick out a bespoke, niche gift for someone and they realise that i actually listen to them and value their words. i love making things for people and the look of shock and bewilderment as they receive it. just something to linger over :) 12.08.24 i need you so much closer. to stroke your cheek, i can only imagine how that feels. 11.08.24 to die in a world indebted to me is to die happily, but to act in constant repentance is not living. you don't earn the right to exist, it is given to you. existence and guilt in their almighty covenant, branded within us like a hot iron's scald. continue in spite of this. a life paying off a fictional debt is nothing but a punishment. 09.08.24 i feel like i need to be thrown into an ice bath and attend a catholic confessional. i feel like i just need my hair stroked and to reconnect with the beauty of small victories. life is beautiful :D (when you let yourself live it) why does pretty cvnt keep getting removed from spotify? how the fuck do you make breakcore. 𝄃𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄀𝄁𝄃𝄂𝄂𝄃