11/12/2020 I think I'm just wired to feel this way. I think instead of fighting it or letting it control me, I have to learn to lean into the turns and to exploit it to my advantage. I think awareness is the first step of beginning to improve yourself; the first step and often the hardest hurdle to get over. How can you become aware of that which you're not aware of? I guess in my case, you have to get lucky. I'm usually good at connecting the dots but boy these dots sure were difficult to work with. --- 5/29/20 I'm not really sure what I'm feeling. It feels a bit like boredom, but I'm not bored. There's things that I want to do but I feel like I don't have time to do them. There's pressure to do other things but I feel like I need a break from them. I think I need some time alone, but I am alone. I want to spend some time with people, but I can't. I want to just be free for a while, like I've been trapped here for too long. --- I mean, we all have to start somewhere I guess.