I think I'm just wired to feel this way. I think instead of fighting it or letting it control me, I have to learn to lean into the turns and to exploit it to my advantage. I think awareness is the first step of beginning to improve yourself; the first step and often the hardest hurdle to get over. How can you become aware of that which you're not aware of? I guess in my case, you have to get lucky. I'm usually good at connecting the dots but boy these dots sure were difficult to work with.
I'm not really sure what I'm feeling. It feels a bit like boredom, but I'm not bored. There's things that I want to do but I feel like I don't have time to do them. There's pressure to do other things but I feel like I need a break from them. I think I need some time alone, but I am alone. I want to spend some time with people, but I can't. I want to just be free for a while, like I've been trapped here for too long.
I mean, we all have to start somewhere I guess.