✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯ archived text is available here https://coyburn.neocities.org/fish 03.05.25 I am writing this on the train from Bowling to Glasgow Queen St. I cycled there with my partner, on the recommendation from a colleague. It was a good cycle, about an hour, mostly along the Forth Clyde canal which is lovely during spring 🌱 we saw a lot of nesting swans, coots building nests, and some baby foxes playing together. A great way to spend an afternoon. Bowling has one pub, which opened in 1790. The train has a lot of bikes on it, so we have to stand in the 'vestibule' which isn't really one as the bike space is oversubscribed. I have purchased a new bike, which i am very much enjoying. It is a fixed gear which I have never ridden before. I bought it second hand on gumtree, from a friend who I didn't realise initially was the seller. What a lovely turn of events. They gave a very good deal for it, and it requires a bit of work, but replacing the front brake pads has made it quite road worthy. home now. the final bit i wanted to say about the bike is that it's providing an excellent introduction to bike repair and maintenence for me, which is something i am sorely lacking but also have a desire to learn and have previously found it quite insurmountable. this is serving me well so far. i did my last lighting gig for a while last night. im glad to be having a break tbh, and just doing my day job. since january ive generally been working 50+ hours a week total and have been getting quite burnt out. im feeling a little at the limit creatively with it and maybe a break will help with that. id also like to go to some gigs as a punter again, which is something that inevitably falls to the wayside when im working in the club every other week. last night i found myself pondering what my position as the lighting designer in the scene is. i feel its an important role, and valued by a lot of people, but i still feel periphery. in 20 years, when they make a bbc4 documentary about the glasgow club scene 2022-202X, will anyone mention me? Is it worth putting myself through the tribulations its causing me to do these gigs? i have a great desire to be deeply involved, part of the fabric of an event or a scene in a way that is relevant and i guess core would be a word, but i dont see a way to progress myself there in a way i feel comfortable doing, from the position i exist in within one scene. i hope this doesnt come across as too ego centric, i am trying to be honest but also grounded in would could be reasonably considered. i guess an idea of having a legacy is inherently selfish, but it is something i consider, and consider to be ideal. in my break, i think i want to consolidate myself a little. get rid of some material things, clear out a cupboard. return to my website. thats what im dreaming of right now. 24.04.25 getting out on the bike a bit. even tho i don't like this bike and want a new one sometimes i just find it incredible to be outside. it is spring now and its time to come alive. i want to seize the opportunities to do things, to do anything. maybe also spending a lot of money lol. think about writing here a lot, but don't actually do it, which is a shame. i will endeavour to do it more, and i really want to update my website too as a kind of archive of lighting work. i have been doing a decent amount of it recently, about as much as i can handle which is lovely and joyful but also hard on my body. i was ill this last week because of it. but i do feel like i am reconnecting with it, as i reread my last entry as that being my wish. i do feel like i have done it ok. but its time to take the foot off the pedal slightly for summer. i want to be outdoors in the sun as much as possible. i am thankful to those friends who inspire to do this, and those who support me in the clubbing endeavours scene. 180125 very busy period happening rn - feel like this year is kicking off really nicely with some really interesting things on the horizon. picking up some more lighting work which is always nice having not done any since the summer. busy at the day job too but it nice to be confident in that work and feel like you can tackle anything that comes at you, especially in that job which can be a lot of very difficult and unknown things! went club last night and was really nervous at first but got a little twisted (not feeling good today 😵‍💫) and had a great time i couldnt sleep because i was feeling so energised by being there and seeing so many friends. really trying to reconnect with that part of the culture here in glasgow, and reconnect with that part of myself as well. have been a little hermit since summer. 020125 happy new year. wow I've had a nice hogmanay! have felt quite aprehensive about going club recently and difficult to come to terms with that but was so nice to reconnect with lots of people even briefly over the celebratory period. i want to do a lot more creative things in 2025 i feel like i have stifled myself by just working and then coming home and chilling and its been very nice but its time to do more i think. also feeling very inspired to do more radio with people but subcity is unstable af rn so who knows if it will be possible. would be nice to have a little club residency too to build some consistency. i just want to do more!!!! see you in 3 months when ive done nothing and am too knackered to even want this anymore lol 011024 when the clyde is very still, and the tide is low, you can see small ripples on the surface that are not raindrops. a colleague told me they were produced, assumedly by bubbles, from the creatures that live at the bottom of the river. i imagine a large colony of worm like creatures thrashing their heads around with their bodies disappearing into the mud and silt at the bottom of the river that feeds and sustains them. what kind of creature can thrive at the bottom of this filthy river? with thousands of years of dirt and debris from human civilisation, exponentially exasperated by industrialisation. they must be something truly rotten indeed. 110924 earl grey is like the IPA of teas 100824 dreamt about finding a gigabit powerline adaptor in a box and i was so happy ✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯