Rothko

Detroit, MI

July: 14: I'm trying to imagine my ideal life but it's not working. I mean I have much of what I've ever wanted now. What to add? In many ways I wouldn't change anything but I'm also not content. So far the biggest thing I would change is to add more plants to my house. I know that won't solve everything but maybe it'll help a little bit. June: 25: My house is falling apart. Every week it's something new. The AC went out. Then I've been without hot water for a week. I try to fix what I can myself, but I fail a lot. I have to call professionals. So much money. May: 28: I'm looking out my window at the very lush green tree across the street with a beautiful sunset painting the sky behind it. Music is much clearer lately. I'm tired all the time. Nostalgia is a trap - be present always. 15: Am on vacation. Decided not to read Norwegian Wood, reading some book I don't know the name of about memory. It's good. I'm almost done. I've missed reading so much. 10: Doing taxes, investing, trying to be an adult. Going on a trip later this week for the first time since the pandemic. Staying in a tiny house by the beach. Going to finally read Norwegian Wood probably. 5: I bought myself a ring today. I'm not really a jewelry person, but I wanted a cool signet ring. I may look dopey but I love it so WHO CARES April: 21: Just found out the wikipedia pages for each Beatles songs are incredibly detailed. For "Here Comes The Sun" they have a historical analysis of the weather when it was written and how it was actually really sunny that month. It's great before bed reading. 19: Day off, had a picnic. Worked on my taxes and finances. Hope to work on some music tonight, I have so many ideas I'm gonna explode. Are hiking shoes cool now? I saw someone wearing them and she was very cool and made me want a pair even though I don't hike. 17: The dining room table I designed was finally built and we set it up in our showroom yesterday. I'm so excited - it turned out so nice. I'm nervous at how people will receive it, I hope people buy it. 15: I received my second vax shot yesterday. I feel terrible today, but I'm happy to have had it. 11: Gonna start working on a neocities soon. The outdoors are in bloom. The pandemic is raging again here. Everything feels hopeful and frightening at the same time. 6: I would like to watch a movie but I don't have time. I want to read a book but I can't stay awake. I want to skateboard but my knees hurt. I want to travel but there's a global pandemic. I'm very thankful for music because it's a friend that can go with me no matter what I'm doing. |\/|arch: 30: Second vax for the wife today, we're on our way. Been working hard on my music. I finished a mix of my song and I was really happy with it. Then I heard a new song from another artist who does similar stuff to me and its really good and now I hate my new song. Such is life. I really don't want to compare myself to others, just keep creating, keep moving forward. 20: I got some pens to doodle with. I ordered myself some new socks that were a little too much money. I got myself a vaccine. I'm listening to new music. Spring is here. 7: Need a place to hide out. Under a blanket would probably do well. February: 27: I bought my dream guitar. It's so amazing. It's weird to be pining after something for like 15 years and now it's here. It makes me so happy but what will I hope for now? 23: I'm still hereeeeeee. V. on edge today. I'm in 13: I feel like when my mind is idle I think about problems. It's either problems in my life or with myself, which can make me depressed quick. Or it's a problem with a project I'm working on, which is good to work through in my head. I think that's why having projects or something to work on is key for my mental health. It gives me something to occupy my mind. 5: Felt slighted by my therapist, gonna have to get an additional therapist to help me deal with why I can't be more assertive with my first one. 1: My new music room is very small, and I'm loving it. There's something appealing about very small, private spaces. I've always wanted to go to one of those capsule hotels in Japan, where you sleep in a little pod that you can't even stand up in. January: 31: Enjoying a little quiet before the world explodes. I miss books so much. I miss being able to read for hours, now I fall asleep after 10 minutes. I wonder if I'll ever be able to read a book cover to cover in one sitting again. Who has that kind of time? 30: I framed the art (decollage) I made for my first album today. It seems a little self-serving, but I'm proud of it and it's a reminder that I was able to accomplish recording a whole album, which was difficult for me. I'm going to hang it in my new music room. 29: I woke up before my alarm today for the first time, on day 37 of waking up early. I may have a new habit formed. I miss staying up late - it was my favorite time of the day. The dead of night is so peaceful. But mornings aren't so bad either, I'm learning to appreciate them. 26: I've moved my music room/studio into the basement. Its such a small area, but definitely feeling cozy. I lit a candle and played guitar to lofi beats. It put me in a really good place. 24: My dad got the vaccine, we sold the first one of the new dining set we designed at work, I got my shell working again, things are looking up. 23: I've found its not enough to be present - I have to actively stop myself from dwelling too much on the past or future. This has helped me a lot. 20: Sometimes you find a new band and it clicks right away and you can't stop listening. Sometimes it's slow. You forget about them, then remember and put them on. You start listening more and more. You realize it makes you feel a special way - they're comforting, a new friend. It creeps up on you - and then you think "this might be one of my favorite bands." This happened to me with tricot. 17: My son likes a show where a boy is friends with a garbage truck, a bear and a raccoon. There's one episode where he has his friends over for pizza and they just sit around the table hanging out. It's both of ours favorite. I really want that. I think I just want to be friends with inanimate objects and animals. 15: I watched Before Sunrise and the most romantic part was no one was on their phones 13: I want to get a lava lamp, like the one I had as a kid. But apparently lava lamps aren't as good as they used to be unless you import them from overseas or something and I researched too much instead of just buying the stupid lava lamp and now probably won't be happy until I'm hundreds of dollars into lava lamp imports getting the best of the best 11: Can't really figure out my vibe these days 10: Things move so fast that I don't take time to reflect and be thankful. I'm so thankful I made it through the holidays - they're usually very difficult and overwhelming for me. *** One thing I like about winter is dreaming about summer or somewhere warm. Sometimes its better than actual summer. I put on Hawaiian music and look at pictures of the ocean. It's a nice way to relax. 3: Reading Ecclesiastes, reading Cioran. Want to fly somewhere far, mainly for the undistributed hours of sitting in a plane. 1: Feeling in a bit of a daze. Went to Ikea today which was overwhelming. We went to a McDonalds nearby that looked like it hadn't been updated since the 90s. I could see inside but we couldn't go inside because pandemic reasons. I must return after we all get our vaccines.

Videos that are good

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M34eHMiJu5o

APPROVED MUSIC ::∩::

  • Кураж by Misha Sultan × Пурпурный Дядя [rel. 04/27/20] https://hairdel.bandcamp.com/album/--3
  • Gridlock 911117 by Antoje [rel 05/05/20] https://brrwd.bandcamp.com/album/gridlock-911117
  • Six Songs for Invisible Gardens by Green-House [rel 01/15/20] https://green-house.bandcamp.com/album/six-songs-for-invisible-gardens
  • Leos Naturals by SIP [rel 04/24/20] https://sip-groop.bandcamp.com/album/leos-naturals
  • Moss King by Omni Gardens [rel 09/18/20] https://moonglyph.bandcamp.com/album/moss-king

  • I record music under the name Even Beams
  • http://www.evenbeams.com