Rothko

Detroit, MI

Janurary: 15: I watched Before Sunrise and the most romantic part was no one was on their phones 13: I want to get a lava lamp, like the one I had as a kid. But apparently lava lamps aren't as good as they used to be unless you import them from overseas or something and I researched too much instead of just buying the stupid lava lamp and now probably won't be happy until I'm hundreds of dollars into lava lamp imports getting the best of the best 11: Can't really figure out my vibe these days 10: Things move so fast that I don't take time to reflect and be thankful. I'm so thankful I made it through the holidays - they're usually very difficult and overwhelming for me. *** One thing I like about winter is dreaming about summer or somewhere warm. Sometimes its better than actual summer. I put on Hawaiian music and look at pictures of the ocean. It's a nice way to relax. 3: Reading Ecclesiastes, reading Cioran. Want to fly somewhere far, mainly for the undistributed hours of sitting in a plane. 1: Feeling in a bit of a daze. Went to Ikea today which was overwhelming. We went to a McDonalds nearby that looked like it hadn't been updated since the 90s. I could see inside but we couldn't go inside because pandemic reasons. I must return after we all get our vaccines. December: 29: I've been getting up early lately, before my wife and kids. It's not in my nature, but I think it's important to have some "me" time, which I don't get much of. It's been nice having a calm, quiet house, but honestly I've been a bit bored! There are a million things I want to do at all times, but I'm either too sleepy in the morning, or there isn't enough time to get absorbed into a project or even a TV show (my son wakes up first, so I can have anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour alone time.) I tried exercising and it ruined my day. I tried reading but I fall asleep. So I've just been taking a longer time showering and eating breakfast. 15: I decided I needed a basic calculator for my desk. I was getting sick of Windows Calculator. I wanted to get a vintage one, and stumbled across this site: http://www.datamath.org/ It looks like it was started in the 90s but it's still being actively updated. (I ended up getting a new TI-108 for my desk.) 14: I had some anti-maskers come into my store. I'm usually good at confronting them in a nice way, but this time they split up in all directions quickly and were just pushing back that they had medical exemptions and I just kind of gave up. Usually I'm so good at handling this but I'm just tired of it. It's been bothering me - because I didn't handle it right, and how much lack of respect people have. Regardless of how someone feels about masks, its my store and we require masks, end of story. I'm just tired of this all. 11: Had my first therapy session this morning and it went really well! Even though its something I should have done a long time ago, I'm proud of myself for taking steps to take better care of myself. “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.” 10: I want to be great at simplifying a point of view and saying it succinctly and persuasively. That would be such a useful skill to have. 9: My desk at work has always been a mess. Like, the messiest desk in the company by far. Just filthy. Every job I've had's been the same, except one. My company once got bought out by another company. I started looking for another job, and couldn't find one, so I was transferred about an hour away. I hated every minute of it. I frantically looked for other work while remaining there. My desk was so clean. It was beautiful. People probably thought I had my life together when in reality I was just not settling in because I knew I would quit soon. Now I'm back to a messy desk. 4: I made an appointment with a therapist today. It's something I should have done a looooong time ago. I'm still nervous about the money, but I hope it's good for me. November: 28: In 2012 the Mayan prophecy said the world would end with everything that ever could happen all happening at once. I think about this all the time. I've longed to make art from this, in my collages and music. Today I loaded up all the songs from my first album in one project and played them at the same time. There may be something there... 25: Practiced guitar more and more today. So many people around me have COVID. I feel like I'm in a zombie movie and my family and I are boarded up in a shack and we're surrounded. Doing everything I can to protect us, and it's getting exhausting. 24: Watched Uncut Gems last night. Tonight, practiced guitar a ton. I feel like I made a little progress. Not just technically but getting more emotion into it. And boy howdy, do I have a lot of emotion to put into things. 22: Went on a long walk today with the family to get coffee. Too long - it was snowing hard the whole time. We committed to still go on walks no matter the weather this year but this was a little rough. 21: The holidays are upon us. I work retail, so it means anger levels rise with the customers. I've been dreading the holidays lately, because it's supposed to be good tidings but instead everyone I come in contact with is stressed. Even more so this year. If you're reading this, be extra kind to one another this year. 19: Today we had THREE radio stations flip formats in Detroit. It was quite exciting. I rarely listen to the radio, but a format flip is fun. There's speculation on message boards - people trying to find clues like new registered domains/twitters/instagrams. Then it's exciting to hear the last song played of the old station and the first one of the new station. What a day! 16: I'm slowly working my way through the wikipedia entries of the birds in my state. There are so many birds, and they all have nice stories and facts. My favorite is learning all the introduced species and the stories of how they got here. I want to notice the birds more as I go for walks. There's so much detail and interesting stuff about nature that's all around us, and we take it for granted. 15: Baked cookies tonight, that was fun. We didn't have a lot of baking ingredients so I just kept looking through recipes until one worked. Turned out pretty good. I wish I was one of those people who knew what ingredients could be substituted for what. 14: Nearing the end of working on a new song. I'm at my favorite part of recording/writing. I already have the bones and general structure of the song, now it's just tweaking, adding little things, improving. Getting a song started is so daunting but now that its 60% there the ideas just come so fast. 13: I've been going a little wild getting books from the library. Since the library is closed and it's all done online, I just click and click. Click click click, walk to the door and they put them on the table. I don't even know what these books are about. Maybe I'll discover something new that excites me. 12: I'm a creep. I never was able to go off to college. I wanted it so bad but never could make it happen. So I put in $college_of_choice and $year_i_would_have_graduated into Facebook and looked at the profiles of people who would have been my classmates in some alternate reality. I found someone who uploaded a bunch of pics from their college days and I imagined what it would have been like. I'm a creep. 11: Been working on a new song. Usually I love a song and I listen back the next day and I hate it. Well I worked on it last night and gave up and hated it, but today I listened back and thought it sounded pretty good! 10: I'm really into our local freecycle Facebook group these days. It's helping me get rid of stuff. I just take a picture of something, post it, and leave it on my porch. Today I listed a dumb lamp that I used to think was cool but now I think is dumb. But other people don't find it dumb! They were raving about it, everyone wanted it. It made me feel good. 3: Been thinking a lot about geography. I want to get a globe. 2: Went to the zoo again today. Always a good time. It's getting cold out now, so no one was there. The animals were happy. I finally saw the pronghorn, I could never seem to see her when we go. I spent a while watching pronghorn videos after I got home. 1: Went on a nice long walk to a new park with my son today, even though it was snowing and windy. Yesterday was Halloween, the last day of fall for many, and today the wind came and blew all the leaves off the trees and it snowed. I've never seen such a hard cut from fall to winter before. I'm making it a point to spend time outside all winter this year even if the weather is bad, especially since I can't really go to places for awhile.

APPROVED MUSIC ::∩::

  • Кураж by Misha Sultan × Пурпурный Дядя [rel. 04/27/20] https://hairdel.bandcamp.com/album/--3
  • Gridlock 911117 by Antoje [rel 05/05/20] https://brrwd.bandcamp.com/album/gridlock-911117
  • Six Songs for Invisible Gardens by Green-House [rel 01/15/20] https://green-house.bandcamp.com/album/six-songs-for-invisible-gardens
  • Leos Naturals by SIP [rel 04/24/20] https://sip-groop.bandcamp.com/album/leos-naturals
  • Moss King by Omni Gardens [rel 09/18/20] https://moonglyph.bandcamp.com/album/moss-king
  • I record music under the name Even Beams
  • http://www.evenbeams.com