Run/Runa ⁑

20.July.2024 ✶ I was going through the first aid kit in Esther's swimming pool because I had a cut on my finger and it was stinging. The lady next to us rushes up to me. She looks like a sweet auntie who smiles at you in the Walmart check-out line. She had a slicked back bun and dark hair. Looking down at me, now crouching she asks in a concerned voice: "is everything okay sweetie?" "Yes, I'm okay, I just have a cut so I was looking for a band-aid" she exhales slightly from relief that I wasn't more severely injured "oh okay" she places her hand on her chest "if anything happens let me know okay? I'm a nurse" she very slightly turns around to get up but sits back down again when I say: "I'm just looking for a band-aid actually" I turn the first aid kit towards her, rummaging through the disorganized mess. I do this because: 1, humans love feeling helpful, especially if what they're helping with is their expertise, so I wanted to let her take control. 2, I was high as fuck so I would have preferred not to mess something up in the first aid kid which was sprawling with paper packaging from a million different drugs, ointments and needles. 3, One of my most precious joys in life happens when people take care of me in any capacity... Eldest child trauma speaking. So she begins rummaging through and finds the band-aids, peels one of them off and starts applying it to my thumb as we start making small talk about who we are "Your friend was so nice to my nephew" I look over at Anisha and smile at her, the rest of the lady's sentence melting into my subliminal consciousness as I focus on the image of Ani swimming while the lady spoke in the background. "All done." 21.July.2024 ✶ Okay, it's decided this is going to be my log for strangers who are nice to me 20.July.2024 ✶ I keep forgetting to journal here, It's because I also journal everywhere else. In my diary, on are.na, on notes app, on Instagram drafts...I could go on. I need to figure out something specific for special fish 12.July.2024 ✶ i wish my love could bring you back. One day in heaven or the afterlife or whatever the fuck happens when we die, I hope they have Brown Donkatsu there so you can take Aaryan and I there like we planned. 15.June.2024 ✶ Sanch if you're seeing this, I hope it finds you at the right time. You get up for work almost everyday, dragging your feet along the floor, that image alone makes my heart sink. I want to let you know and remind you that, that struggle is not for nothing, and that it truly means something for all of us who watch you, love you and care about you. Your tears, your sobs, your cries your ability to open up to us even though we see that it is hard for you, I hope you know that we recognize that and treasure it. Some people might perceive you as someone who doesn't have a care in the world, so non-chalant, so reserved. But I know that you are someone who *feels* things very deeply, truly and intensely and I love that about you. Maybe you feel the world isn't ready, maybe you're scared that you'll be faced with punishment, invalidation, humiliation. But the the comfort of my arms, I hope you can find that expanse in which to let go, to feel without rationalization, to feel without shame. I see you and I see your struggle and your resilience. Above all, I know you will live the forthcoming days becoming the best version of yourself. You mentioned a temple— your body and your mind is the most essential temple, remember that. I love you 𓇢𓆸 1.June.2024 ✶ I've been thinking about this website...And the premise of logging here, fear of knowing that you may or may not be perceived by a stranger on the other side of the world. Yet, everything I've read on here by you all has been so intimate. Maybe some of us find peace in knowing that our genuine day to day struggles and efforts to organize our lives is being admired— here, we feel like we are being gazed at rather than surveilled or monitored. Maybe that's why we feel it's okay to be candid here, because if someone finds your poetry, your daily logs, your deepest darkest secrets...It would have been because of "인연" (inyun) or "قسمت" (qismat), not because of an algorithm that decided weather or not your art is worthy of somebody's gaze. 31-May-2024 ✶ sanch convinces me to make a special fish account I think everyone should watch: ✱ fuses by Carolee Shneemann: https://vimeo.com/groups/fms620/videos/245084263 ✱ memoria by Apichatpong Weerasethakul

Letters for the special fish I stumble across:

  • ✿ @chizra - thought you would like to know that I'm attending an HTML freewriting event in july, super excited.