** Thursday 13 Feb 2025 (9:25pm) Der Riese, Chloe Cherrie, midnight blues, Heat 1995, mountain confessionals, "this cereal tastes like cardboard", admitting defeat, etc ** Tuesday 11 Feb 2025 (3:50pm) Often what I come up with you’ve already said. Your sable hair, on a dog day, but it's colder here On a summer's day Painted bright with blues I feel you drift away Thursday Afternoon after Ascent I'm sitting, I hang my feet over the world's edge When you call me and I hear your motions, what does that mean? Some kind of slowing feeling Like a spiralling or spinning But each period is slower than the last ** Sunday 9 Feb 2025 (10:55pm) “…” U+2026 Horizontal Ellipsis Unicode Character ** Thursday 6 Feb 2025 (10:34pm) It really is bed time. Taking the book off my bedside table and opening it, I watched a slim twig fall out I had been using as my bookmark. The last time I opened the book I was 500 kilometres away and in that duney coastal brushland biome that fathers lightweight but rugged type husk-y plants that make a good bookmark in their workhorse similarity high gsm cotton. I know even though I can’t see them the city lights stare back at me through my closed curtain. ** wednesday 5 feb 2025 (10:59pm) I'm looting and listening. I'm cribbing off Emma, I'm following a thread. I'm deducing and autodidacting. I am AutoDict, [a system that analyzes input data records, and discovers high quality dictionaries using information theoretic techniques]. I'm autonarrating and auphoric and mentioned and (over)exposed. Eaerlier she gave me a special treat, some kind of view that went way up and way down. I went out of my house and looked toward the mountain and drove there swiftly and easily. I climbed up the biggest boulder I could find. I had some kind of vision. Imagine reaching your hand out in front of you and grabbing and fanning your world like a deck of cards, like cutting frames as in The French Connection. So I returned home feeling full, and feel like I still haven't left. I've been thinking a lot about waking and breaking promises and trying to decipher and speak in parables and I've been dreaming and when I wake up I'm still inside my dream. **tuesday 4 February 2025 (10:38 pm) Took my girlfriend home listening to jazz ballads on the radio (bless FMR). As we rounded and crested the corner of Philip Kgosana Drive, the moon snuck out, crescent and animated, like a caricature, and ridiculously yellow, like it was dipped in melted butter. It beamed at us so unexpectedly that we both burst out laughing at the same time, both then turning to each other to say Look at the moon! and giggle in chorus. Now I sit in my car outside her apartment. I’ve been here for so long my car’s radio has turned off twice. I’m going to turn it back on again now, and then I’ll drive home. **monday 3 February 2025 (10:19 am) Incredible how time passes when you blink. Today I start my new job. Since my previous entry I've started and ended 1 job and 1 'dance-with-the-devil'-style entrepreneurial jaunt. I ran out of the house today so fast, in some form of bodily processing (I <3 processing, I <3 spinning, I <3 longing, etc), that I think I only really realised that I left after I came back. Does that make sense? I keep listening to babyxsosa in my head. I am very happy to let you know I'M GOING TO NYC AND USA!!!!!. Over the past few weeks it has felt sort of obvious that it will blow my mind culturally and likely spiritually also. I've been saying I'll go to the USA for more than a year now but I really am about to go IMHO. As it closens, last night, I tried to imagine what it would really be like. A thought came to me: am I pinning too much on this trip? What if it is, like everything is, likely to be median? If you will let me ramble, I promise I will keep it brief: if you think: what is the most likely outcome of something I care about? and aren't happy with the answer, you can change the most likely outcome! And the most likely outcome is the one that is most likely to happen! Whenever I start a new job I frame it within my life and find two questions surfacing. Where is this taking me and What am I giving up? I love money and I think I tell myself it is taking me there. But I'm not really sure that's true. I think more will unfold on this, I'm sure. One more thing! I went to the Twist magazine launch / party / hangout and was telling Sam about The Great Work (Thomas Berry) and I only realised then in that conversation how it seems to fit into everything quite snugly! As in, I think there actually may be exactly a spiritual-connection-to-nature sized hole in our Grand Plan / Zeitgeist / Dominant Discourse. Maybe instead of formalising economically externalised costs, we engender a spiritual relating to nature that limits the externalisation of costs entirely. What a pleasant surprise. Rationalism obviously becomes useless at the self, but it looks like there's a verdant valley of non-rationalist solution-making that can birth real effective answers and justice at exactly the points where rationalism fails. I'm being a bit vague but hopefully that idea makes you smile a little bit too. **tuesday 23 April 2024 (4:30 pm) I decided that if I put a task in my calendar, if I don't end up doing it for whatever reason, I must make that a conscious decision by removing it from my calendar. I went to gym and plotted on business, it was kind of sick! **tuesday 23 april 2024 (00:29 am) Stayed in my apartment all day today. Missing my girlfriend a little bit. The pavlov effect is when my monday evening meeting ends and I want to see her. Oh well. I am definitely weirder when she is not around. It's not just because I'm quitting my job that I am feeling more explorative; I think I also crave, and so work harder for, the social satisfaction of finding and engaging with people I find interesting. The flowering of many people's self-induced creative initiatives during covid is what I'm reminded of. It was like everyone had some interesting thing that they were busy with. I feel like that is me now. Otherwise: Have been planning to make something with my mince (1kg!) for almost a week now. It must be used! Must be burger patties. Need eggs. Lastly: I read something about social relations that aren't clout-oriented by https://sadgrl.online. Clout is stupid in general.