When you study music, or create music, you needn’t do it in order to perform for someone else; you can just do it for yourself, or not for an audience but still with other people (if they’re into that too). You can do it simply because it feels good to do it, and because you think it’s good for you to do it, just as you would any other mental or physical activity. Of course, you may wish to commune with an audience, or otherwise figure out whether people would pay you to do your thing. There’s still time to change the road you’re on.