f25 idk why im strugglnig so hard with returning an ill-thought expensive purchase shoouldnt have happened at all like my last relationship i just feel bad about disappointing the other person but if i act on my worries i disappoint myself and everyone tenfold, it compounds dont giv a shit, i found it online for cheaper dont giv a shit about sales people who want your commission and not your best interest, me walking around saying i do the same thing but just at the thrift store. so it's 64x less expensive. lol lesson learned, and i also learned i can be comforrtable spending much more than i previously thought on luxury purchases, and theres some very very nice things at this new price point. $1500 headphones rec'd from the old wise sound guy or a bag what look like animals i just feel bad because i wasted over an hour of her time and got comped food to only end up getting 1 of the least expensive things at the store if i return everything else, but its on her for not listening and understanding my needs as a consumer better bc she was so excited and blinded by commission $$ and lesson learned, there needs to be a very strong reason or feeling to buy luxury at retail, i have to see and be excited by how my life will fit around it, i have to commit to it, just like a new relationship if it doesnt excite me it depresses me the things you own own you poisoned by materialism well just poisoned by mismatched values and incongruity spark joy bitch didnt do anything i said i'd do so wtf do i do rreturn the expensive purchases and think on them again when ur in a better state of mind. idk why i want to take psychs this weekend. i want to clarify what my values are and be more rational and decisive, and active. f23 failing to plan is planning to fail invited a bunch of people to do daytrips and come visit me at airbnb in beacon i gotta get back to peoplee rn who knew trrying to send ur friend a cute mail package would take soo complicated makes me feel adult doing things i didnt reralize would be so complicated and intertangled or maybe that just how i do i like to be thoorough comphrehensive expansive in my thinking and rresearch so im calling 5 dif phone repair places and oorr should just get on train too bensonhurst i wanna be more rational and decisive in my work a told me my work is like a portal <3

reminders to my self

  • it doesnt matter what i want or say
  • it only matters what i do
  • just pick the direction
  • and behave
  • visualize it so you believe
  • then you just have to start somewhere
  • follow the steps
  • connect the dots
  • and stay in motion
  • at the same speed, 333
  • on the process to becoming
  • =

ideal friendship / what love means to me

  • mutual understanding of the same truths
  • communication with plain honesty
  • gentle detachment and compassion
  • careful consideration of the other's position
  • utmost respect for the other's wishes
  • absence of insecurity with each other
  • desire for growth -together and apart, together or apart -always
  • not talking to each other
  • because we require our own space
  • to map our own trajectories and growth
  • appreciation and admiration of each other's beauty, inner/outer
  • appreciate everyone like distant stars

cute things

  • mint green silk pillowcase
  • bubbly friends
  • taro mochi
  • flowershops
  • bags that look like animals
  • cloudwatching
  • art together

feral nrg 2003 001 h

  • growl
  • cheeeeee
  • droid
  • ufo
  • holow
  • noize
  • holland
  • again
  • mirror
  • crush