758p shroom epipahnies that im deeply emotionally needy n angry... but its ok bc i always got myself n a great network of real friends around me to help fillin the absent love i never had I just deactivated all my igs and deleted all ssocial media apps off my phone IM SO LIBERATED AND HAPPY N EXCITED N FREEE What a huge distraction it didnt matter n i knew it, every1 got my # already how i connect and if they miss me Im redy to focus n make my life lit Lets see how long i stay logged out :D But special fish is special n remain my public journal Theres no wack energy on here its super real n im grateful Im takin myself out on dates every single day Im going to work my ass off bc i deserve it may 11 703a stayed up / been sleep in bed and sedentary all day yday its ok im inspired, renewed, what ik best is transformation do i wanna be spontaneous today why dont i take my own advice im committed to self love again pinned the note self growth changed my mind asking the wrong q's - ask do you like this person not do they like u seeking approval? nah i just gotta do right by me - n focusing that shit does me so dirty r ur values aligned do they give u the time dont worryjust let go and worry bout urself ppl dont owe u shit but what they wanna give dont force or coerce it, subconsciously begging just let it happen subconsciously begging ur insecurity is showing insecurities leaking, ego pleasing n they pull away im inspired by myself my past and how i grew i love her to pieces shittt i do it for myself do it cuz no one gonna do it for u notes from phone less making disconnection part of my life, while not giving up on connectedness entirely. the reclaiming of your own attention from the companies trying to monetize it could be a radical act empowered vs constrained by my systems i been constraining oops be thoughtful and considerate and compassionate to yourself be it dont just say it words r cheap look at j + urself transformation stop checking his goddamn twitter its a process i started and im addicted now, lrn to quit enter in2 my world make my world as pretty as possible <3 half dreaming half living connected when i wanna disconnected when i wanna im the driver of my life me n k go to la i drive her round i love her this is my voice may 10 323a i was very present and they're very inspiring to be around i haven't met someone inspiring in so long who gave me the time dont exile urself enough wheen the time comes to leave just go quietly n dont make a fuss - im outgrowing, i wanna grow faster where i was n where im growing, where i was n where im growing have ur ego death when will i have mine, got a complicated relationship w it push urself cuz no one else gonna do it true oldest sibling shit, parent urself shit i be stuck in my same problem since age 6, delete delete delete erase yr memory clear the ram, life an mmorpg normies the npcs havent met anyone as tapped in n vibey in too long, humble comfy n uninvasive like a big brother listenin to some sc scenes but it dont matter, im beyond it, why u tell me listen young peas i dont wanna listen to that rn , i dont wanna listen to u if that not where i try to gro dont keep up w the new shit cuz i wanna focus big ego when they wont make shit w u when they exclusive off ig w the randoms good for me, i dont need an audience but my friends may 9 1234p feeling the social media and phone disillusionment again reading my weaknesses, unfocused hard to commit to a plan caught up in different ideas and ideals yup my vision is not clear enough, i'm surrounded by too much, i didn't finish doing konmari, it's a long uphill process what am i committed to rn, my health and not my work what is my work, to grow into the best version of myself - my health who am i playing this game want to exile myself and leave everything behind but i won't , it's hard to let go. there's a lot of goodness in here, i don't want to let it go. this thought is ruled by fear, scarcity and not growth. i'm holding on to the past, the past is what made me me - and there's a lot of me that i like, but a lot i want to change it's scary to exile yourself - and putting it all away is just not the same. i'm holding on to the past because i'm a hoarder of my memories, it's material i wanted to transform. honestly journalling is a great practice for me but with any practice to reap the most benefits i have to be calculated and consistent. it's hard because i like to be free and go with the flow, i lack discipline, like i've always had. my friends are not my parents even if i ask them for help - is this belief from a anxious-preoccupied attachment? i don't care about that rn, it's least of my worries. i'm just here to engage in dialogue with myself and learn how to listen again. i'm here to really listen and explore my depths and give myself guidance like i did last year when i was at my best self. when i've had enough i can put it into practice, i keep letting life pass me by and not taking action. i let myself dream and fall into perceived mediocrity. i don't want to blame myself but i don't want to stagnate. and it's not my fault - it's the misguided teachings of all around me that shaped me as i grew. a lot of goodness a lot of evil - to separate the chaff from the weak, why i don't wanna let go. i want to do things right, i want to do it in a way that speaks to my core. may 8 1053am this is not detachment do u seek peace or stimulation

reminders to my self

  • it doesnt matter what i want or say
  • it only matters what i do
  • just pick the direction
  • and behave
  • visualize it so you believe
  • then you just have to start somewhere
  • follow the steps
  • connect the dots
  • and stay in motion
  • at the same speed, 333
  • on the process to becoming
  • =

reminders to myself

  • self confidence comes from making and keeping promises to yourself
  • life is runescape

ideal friendship / what love means to me

  • mutual understanding of the same truths
  • communication with plain honesty
  • gentle detachment and compassion
  • careful consideration of the other's position
  • utmost respect for the other's wishes
  • absence of insecurity with each other
  • desire for growth -together and apart, together or apart -always
  • not talking to each other
  • because we require our own space
  • to map our own trajectories and growth
  • appreciation and admiration of each other's beauty, inner/outer
  • appreciate everyone like distant stars

cute things

  • mint green silk pillowcase
  • bubbly friends
  • taro mochi
  • flowershops
  • bags that look like animals
  • cloudwatching
  • art together

feral nrg 2003 001 h

  • growl
  • cheeeeee
  • droid
  • ufo
  • holow
  • noize
  • holland
  • again
  • mirror
  • crush