[leave me a note here https://ourworldoftext.com/polkadot] 10.05.25 12:57am I once tweeted “I’ve been tucked in once & I have a problem.” I think of this as I tuck a pink blanket into-under the sides of my friend on my couch. It’s comfier than my bed, & she makes it look comfier by being her, hugging the bear I made a year ago & named “Bogby,” because he yearns to one day live in a house in the bog. (I don’t know what the moral implications are of making a teddy bear yearn, but it’s too late to fix now.) I kiss my friend on the forehead goodnight. tuck all the doors into their beds & Pebble comes out of hiding to pester(affectionate) me for love & a treat. I oblige of course, & she is now perched on the windowsill beside me. She waits for her father to return home. Sometimes, I am always waiting for my lover to come home. Pebble fell asleep on my belly for a while. I tried staying very still for a very long midnight while. moved a millimeter to make her more comfortable. heartbreakingly she got up & is now asleep on a sweatshirt my love got me with three raccoons on the front. (“it’s us!) I wait for my ears to perk up at stones and gravel into dirt But fear I will be too asleep to hear its noise that says "I am home" 10.04.25 the world tilts its body & opens its jaw to reveal the first cavities of fall spotted in its teeth like spinach, a new leaf unveils itself in the kitchen window every day shining in its newfound color (something like this: #c37021) 10.02.25 Another year under the sun & it’s time to buy nutcracker tickets again Which means (approximately) 13 weeks left in the year. Time to get those Thanksgiving tickets bought, gift-wrapping picked out, kitty food reordered in bulk. This week, I let the world drown out maggots I had found in the trash can. dumped their swollen little baby bodies into the leaves. Felt bad for these waterlogged white moons, some of them still clutching each other in the litterfall... I wanted to be a forensic entomologist in middle school: measure the units of time spent in decay by the shape size color of innocent baby bodies that simply eat and eat... It would make sense to me that they'd be blind but in all honesty, I don’t know as much as I would like about anything. I've never had to work around corporate America or deal with PTO before which, I guess, it’s a blessing that we dance around now But I miss my love. Sometimes I see him only once in a whole day to kiss his sweet sweated forehead, whisper I love you, and run out the door. In the meantime I bring the trash cans out and wait longer than I should to bring them back in hold a baby who has cried & sweated to be without me & look into eyes that stare widely into mine like a little billy goat as he hiccups up his milk (he is so hungry) his body is only the length of my forearm but growing longer every day sometimes, I wish my whole world fit into couplets 09.22.24 painted my bathroom in dill #788D60 i prepare for darkness & decay we want so badly to believe that celebration on equinoxes & solstices are ancient but really, most of the parts of the year drenched in tradition & celebration fall pretty consistently a month *after.* there is something sensual & sumptuous about the year being broken into perfect quarters. (a quatrain) but we really only feel the effects of the earth tilting into the sun or the shadow a month after I told baby of this on one of our bi-daily walks: to watch for the changes... they're happening every day now. he slaps his jaw when he eats the doctor means this is a sign of new teeth. 11.02.24 i'm looking for a second-hand unicycle on facebook marketplace. it’s october country - gil scott-heron season - & i borrow from the library and promise to return on halloween. Your Flag Decall Won’t Get You Into Heaven & I go a whole week without texting love because it was there cradling me in the nook of his arm, full of crab cakes, done the right way. (old bay, lump of crab, - is it hermes he wears? - all seared on an un-buttered skillet: he fills my kitchen well.) we dress as luke & lorelai to the party & i fill a coffee mug named "Give me coffee and tell me I'm pretty" with two protein shakes, to make up for forgotten meals. these friends do acro and smack each other's ass; smell of akigalawood, bergamot, carrot seeds, cardamom, lavender, leather, musk, orris, and sandalwood. Natalie played sexy spaghetti in a local production & I feel the urge to practice juggling again. 10.14.24 goodbye to the ferris wheel. i experiment with lipstains & avoid medical bills. we are big jacketed and carpuscular. 10.13.24 the year of (!). my godson runs rampant and chews on my leg. I am not OSHA compliant and neither is the bell tower i climb i get paid to climb the bell tower and eat subway while outside drunk people dance. christmas with the in-laws means a war in which i can win without deception with the perfect twice baked potato. well underway, the entrance of moo dheng, pesto, & little caboose into my life. my insides leak outwards. i know the joke man by name. on my way to get the weekly 12 dollar bundle of flowers he tells me the real punchline is the time his wife punched him in the face. coming on a year of the birth of the elipses. my existential kink. of learning not everyone’s dad has a car flask. all my friends’ christmas presents live paper-bagged in my room’s corner, and (when i remember to take the recycling out) the whole apartment smells of vetiver and sandalwood. 09.21.24 we confused love and pity. i unclogged the sink with a snake drank and that shit smelt mildewy. i will one day be grampused with shit from the shower drain. it will spurt up at me in opposite of the concaving of a bullet riddled jello cake. sent my charlotte bananagrams & thought about painting my nails. watched a season of girls instead. 09.09.24 the metal arm wrest transfers a chatterbuzz into my bottom molar’s jaw 09.07.24 dreamt about zombies again. strayed to find blueberries and got terribly lost. found, i had a feeling that i’d be able to be useful to them if i could figure out how 06.03.24 lately, i haven’t had to make anything up. six trash bagged woven crows hanging from power lines like laundry.