9.18.25 on the verge of tears no matter what part of my cycle - feeling heartbroken by it all when i do homework i actually feel a bit more peaceful though 9.17.25 everything is TOO much 9.15.25 last night, i had a dream that i had long hair the night before that, i had a dream that i was 38 years old 9.9.25 my professor asks "what is knowledge?" i imagine myself diving backward into the question, swimming around in it, breathing deep and savoring it what is knowledge!!!!!! i am enveloped by not knowing, by curiosity here is freedom 8.26.25 i'm sitting at a coffee shop, outside on the patio next to TWO people and suddenly they both are on work calls at the same time. like...zoom calls. and it's noisy and abrasive amidst an otherwise quiet morning. i can't even supress my reaction. the woman to my immediate left wearing a "god is good" shirt is giving her team a briefing on the ad board of B & C approach or some shit...i hate capitalism. she says "a few months ago it was the wild west. my only concern, we've used dermox, medox. jeremy, you'll have to check me on this. we need to get into medcomply to see if our rates are set up." blah blah blah. i hate capitalism. we take our work everywhere now. why am i reading about libraries and suddenly i'm in this lady's work meeting. get me out of here!!!!! 7.24.25 the reason that i always feel outside of everything is because i was raised by a narcissist 7.24.25 she put her hand on her heart all gestures have been commodified but i put my hand on my heart, too and i want a gentle life, too and i don't know what the gaps mean between me and everyone i'm sick at the way of things i'm stuck on the edge of things and my hand is on my heart my blood pressure is low 7.12.25 having a 2010s music geek session...nothing will compare...i cry!!! 7.7.25 demon days by gorillaz is the only thing keeping me sane in this one moment 7.3.25 instead of doing my homework i went down a rabbithole of looking at all of my photos on facebook...alopecia and familial abuse fucking suck dude 7.2.25 there is so much to learn!! ahhhhhhhhh 7.2.25 my favorite feature on google docs is the horizontal line feature 6.21.25 Sweeter by Julie Doiron 5.31.25 witnessed some horrendous atrocities yesterday not sure what to do with all of these feelings listening to pink mask on repeat 5.29.25 wet hair grey hair the elements and time a monster is a harbinger a monster is a harbinger a warning and a lighthouse a secret and a banner 5.11.25 feeling a zest and passion for life that i haven't in a while even though it's m*ther's day (least favorite day) i have plenty of things to be excited about/hopeful about and that is a lucky blessed feeling 5.6.2025 i want ice cream, specifically phish food🍦