lovelag
hello !
let’s be friends !
i miss u !
please send me mail ! __,._
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lovelag@protonmail.com | 6 \ \ oo
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"the lost glove is happy"
11.29
did you know you can’t delete blocks on are.na
does that mean they own everything you put on there? like i bet they would be nice about taking something off that was really harmful but it’s also kind of stressful knowing once i put something on there i won’t ever be able to get it off
not that it’s different anywhere else
you can’t ever fully delete your facebook
which is cool that means there’s ancient content online from when i was like 10
i’ll be here forever <3
11.23
went on tumblr again,
i deleted ig and twitter from my phone so im mostly on are.na now
but i go on twitter for desktop
anyways. checking all my old stuff again i was so sad for so long lmao
working hospice made me so emotional and sad all the time theres so many posts about dead and dying
only so much suffering one person can volunteer to hold
10.07
wow it's been so so so long and every time i get on here i say the same exact thing
hit 90 days at new job, got a raise at new job
gonna hike for four days
gonna draw a postcard
07.26
i never really put things on here anymore,
guess i am swimming
but still here for sure and still with eyes open
05.31
so many things keep happening
things are good and bad at the same time
i miss everyone i miss and havent met
05.07
how serendipitous that
today is also the seventh,
i keep forgetting to update fish
and when i think to i can't think
of anything special to say.
i love the log i have,
precious era
so much has changed
04.07
god so much has changed but it's all the same still
happy passover happy easter spring is upon us
i am emotional pollen sick and outside in the sun
03.22
had a costanza moment at the climbing gym yesterday
my neighbor goes to the same one as me and i
know hes my neighbor but i never said hi or introduced
myself even when i saw him at home,
yesterday i saw him and kind of looked,
he said something about just say hi!! not directed at me
in kind of a forceful way
and i felt bad and had to jump off the route i was climbing
i said hi and everything is fine now
he was a routesetter at the gym before,
we never said hi anyways,
idk i should have said something earlier but
always felt like i missed the window
03.16
listening to allman brothers listening to john prine
thinking about feeling things,
thinking about playing more scales,
warming up harder
03.15
every four
every four
respiratory failure
03.13
evening morning
eve ing lady
i hope i have time to climb
before i leave to practice
03.09
psychiatrist tomorrow morning
i just finished charting
i made poppyseed babka today,
this morning before i left for work
put syrup on it because that's how it's supposed to be apparently
hope it's good will eat some soon
03.06
every psychiatrist kind of sucks
im kind of annoyed
oh well
play the cards that im given
gonna watch bad girls club
03.04
good evening,
big bowl of pasta lots of cheese
eating swiss chard for the first time idk
how i missed that
02.26
i did my taxes
couldnt do them with you this year i assume many more will come,
watching the sun hit the bong by the window
empty plastic bag cellophane you are
wearing christmas pajamas
02.23
making gratitude lists in my head?
is this okay, do you think it's okay
i need to use more words i need to stop saying hmm all the time
02.22
thought i was ok again sometimes ok
just means ok sometimes ok means im still
worried about everything just
it comes out other ways
02.20
i have been crying every morning,
why do the tears come so early?
and then i am fine
02.19
hi my dear
i said im not leaving til i get orders
then i got orders they werent good?
sometimes helping people feels bad, sometimes
i can't do enough for you
02.16
im back i dont
know what happened
im the great deflector
i feel like a lighthouse
what celebrity coudl you pull
if you were on your a game?
01.27
crying in pigeon pose
crying at the climbing gym
i want to reach so high i
feel like a little kid im saying
i cant i cant in my head i say i can
but quiet so i cant hear it
the more i try to get strong the weaker i feel
things change i stay the same things
change you stay the same are
we happy where we place our
bodies on the walls
01.23
the bad day didnt come
sometimes the grass isnt greener
i almost cried two steps from the summit this weekend,
i thought i couldn't go any higher
i never want to miss out
or let you down, i don't
want to drag anyone into
my inabilities
thank you for finding a way down for me
01.18
im one bad day away from quitting immediately
we are all gonna leave at once,
team effort abandon ship
jetty flotsam
01.17
i wanna go outside
mr postman deliver me
to the beach
why couldnt i have woken with the fever this morning
why him instead i did
have a nice breakfast
sweet bread and eggs,
a piece of shell stuck to
my sausage cup of coffee
always full and hot in
my already warm hands
01.13
last night i had the hiccups
and then the hiccups made me anxious
i held my breath and cried
about the hiccups mostly
but then about everything else too
01.11
new song argentina
kiss kiss
im at work again i had m&m's and a cup of tea for lunch
i want to stop working and go hang out at home until i'm bored enough to do
something again
01.10
been gone so long,
i see the link i wanna
write and soon more
words 4u
- chewed up food sits in my chest as i await my time of death
- i sit and spew and sit some more, and though i'm scared, i’m always bored
- the food moves down though it moves slow, and in my heart the thick blood flows
- the muscle works itself to pain, the cycle will repeat again
a list of songs updated 03/20
- https://youtu.be/SS803PA4zGQ (bladee - sleepwalk to the jeweler)
- https://youtu.be/9Y5PJtTjysU (peel dream magazine - verfremdungseffekt)
- https://youtu.be/gKkeX1HFyMw (they are gutting a body of water - houseplant/wonserful1)
- https://youtu.be/z3wYaYI5lbo (mj lenderman - you have bought yourself a boat)
- https://youtu.be/1sMkCe_1BPg (evergreen - these last days 7") (three songs technically)
- https://youtu.be/JYruMChQ9ls (calm - s/t 12") (six songs technically)
bevs
- coffee (cold brew)
- coffee (pour over)
- coffee (instant)
- black tea
- pedialyte
- borjomi
- nectar
- broth
- topo
thoughts atm
- what i have been baking :
- sweet brown bread, galettes, no knead white bread with herbs and then with figs and olives
- //
- date of last cry :
- 8/30/22 (friend sent me an old recording of us playing a song together)
- //
- even more thoughts :
- a very very long stairway leads to a star
find me online
- http://zineclub.club
- https://www.are.na/ga-sh
- https://bit.ly/2VHWI95