hello ! let’s be friends ! i miss u ! please send me mail ! __,._ / _ \ | 6 \ \ oo \___/ .|__|| _,..="^ . , " , \ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ____ ____ ____ ;.__________________/ "the lost glove is happy" 11.29 did you know you can’t delete blocks on does that mean they own everything you put on there? like i bet they would be nice about taking something off that was really harmful but it’s also kind of stressful knowing once i put something on there i won’t ever be able to get it off not that it’s different anywhere else you can’t ever fully delete your facebook which is cool that means there’s ancient content online from when i was like 10 i’ll be here forever <3 11.23 went on tumblr again, i deleted ig and twitter from my phone so im mostly on now but i go on twitter for desktop anyways. checking all my old stuff again i was so sad for so long lmao working hospice made me so emotional and sad all the time theres so many posts about dead and dying only so much suffering one person can volunteer to hold 10.07 wow it's been so so so long and every time i get on here i say the same exact thing hit 90 days at new job, got a raise at new job gonna hike for four days gonna draw a postcard 07.26 i never really put things on here anymore, guess i am swimming but still here for sure and still with eyes open 05.31 so many things keep happening things are good and bad at the same time i miss everyone i miss and havent met 05.07 how serendipitous that today is also the seventh, i keep forgetting to update fish and when i think to i can't think of anything special to say. i love the log i have, precious era so much has changed 04.07 god so much has changed but it's all the same still happy passover happy easter spring is upon us i am emotional pollen sick and outside in the sun 03.22 had a costanza moment at the climbing gym yesterday my neighbor goes to the same one as me and i know hes my neighbor but i never said hi or introduced myself even when i saw him at home, yesterday i saw him and kind of looked, he said something about just say hi!! not directed at me in kind of a forceful way and i felt bad and had to jump off the route i was climbing i said hi and everything is fine now he was a routesetter at the gym before, we never said hi anyways, idk i should have said something earlier but always felt like i missed the window 03.16 listening to allman brothers listening to john prine thinking about feeling things, thinking about playing more scales, warming up harder 03.15 every four every four respiratory failure 03.13 evening morning eve ing lady i hope i have time to climb before i leave to practice 03.09 psychiatrist tomorrow morning i just finished charting i made poppyseed babka today, this morning before i left for work put syrup on it because that's how it's supposed to be apparently hope it's good will eat some soon 03.06 every psychiatrist kind of sucks im kind of annoyed oh well play the cards that im given gonna watch bad girls club 03.04 good evening, big bowl of pasta lots of cheese eating swiss chard for the first time idk how i missed that 02.26 i did my taxes couldnt do them with you this year i assume many more will come, watching the sun hit the bong by the window empty plastic bag cellophane you are wearing christmas pajamas 02.23 making gratitude lists in my head? is this okay, do you think it's okay i need to use more words i need to stop saying hmm all the time 02.22 thought i was ok again sometimes ok just means ok sometimes ok means im still worried about everything just it comes out other ways 02.20 i have been crying every morning, why do the tears come so early? and then i am fine 02.19 hi my dear i said im not leaving til i get orders then i got orders they werent good? sometimes helping people feels bad, sometimes i can't do enough for you 02.16 im back i dont know what happened im the great deflector i feel like a lighthouse what celebrity coudl you pull if you were on your a game? 01.27 crying in pigeon pose crying at the climbing gym i want to reach so high i feel like a little kid im saying i cant i cant in my head i say i can but quiet so i cant hear it the more i try to get strong the weaker i feel things change i stay the same things change you stay the same are we happy where we place our bodies on the walls 01.23 the bad day didnt come sometimes the grass isnt greener i almost cried two steps from the summit this weekend, i thought i couldn't go any higher i never want to miss out or let you down, i don't want to drag anyone into my inabilities thank you for finding a way down for me 01.18 im one bad day away from quitting immediately we are all gonna leave at once, team effort abandon ship jetty flotsam 01.17 i wanna go outside mr postman deliver me to the beach why couldnt i have woken with the fever this morning why him instead i did have a nice breakfast sweet bread and eggs, a piece of shell stuck to my sausage cup of coffee always full and hot in my already warm hands 01.13 last night i had the hiccups and then the hiccups made me anxious i held my breath and cried about the hiccups mostly but then about everything else too 01.11 new song argentina kiss kiss im at work again i had m&m's and a cup of tea for lunch i want to stop working and go hang out at home until i'm bored enough to do something again 01.10 been gone so long, i see the link i wanna write and soon more

words 4u

  • chewed up food sits in my chest as i await my time of death
  • i sit and spew and sit some more, and though i'm scared, i’m always bored
  • the food moves down though it moves slow, and in my heart the thick blood flows
  • the muscle works itself to pain, the cycle will repeat again

a list of songs updated 03/20

  • (bladee - sleepwalk to the jeweler)
  • (peel dream magazine - verfremdungseffekt)
  • (they are gutting a body of water - houseplant/wonserful1)
  • (mj lenderman - you have bought yourself a boat)
  • (evergreen - these last days 7") (three songs technically)
  • (calm - s/t 12") (six songs technically)


  • coffee (cold brew)
  • coffee (pour over)
  • coffee (instant)
  • black tea
  • pedialyte
  • borjomi
  • nectar
  • broth
  • topo

thoughts atm

  • what i have been baking :
  • sweet brown bread, galettes, no knead white bread with herbs and then with figs and olives
  • //
  • date of last cry :
  • 8/30/22 (friend sent me an old recording of us playing a song together)
  • //
  • even more thoughts :
  • a very very long stairway leads to a star

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