hello ! i miss u ! please send me mail ! lovelag@protonmail.com __,._ / _ \ | 6 \ \ oo \___/ .|__|| _,..="^ . , " , \ ____ ____ ;.__________________/ "the lost glove is happy" 03.31 im at the coffee shop looking at the people they don't know i am silently judging them why should they care sunburned family of four lady accidentally smacking my bag to look at gelato they played you are the only exception im updating special fish every day there is another thing i feel like everyone knows but me. it's like the Vitamin. i'm missing the Vitamin. please tell me the secret, if you know it. 03.28 sometimes i go to a show and i feel humiliated sometimes i leave my house and i feel like a little clown i kept picking a fight last night because i was uncomfortable i think lordon said the foolish man suffers i am lazy i let my passions consume me 03.26 heard the grocery outlets are closing you don't know a good thing til it's gone 03.19 in my dream i walk through an airport with a very heavy bag, signs blazing white shiny empty through my eyes. in a haze i realize i am three hours early. it's a domestic flight. i look in the bag because it's becoming unbearable. i realize i must have taken the wrong one. the bag is full of books and binders, school supplies. some binders are empty, some have three or four inch spines and are packed to the brim with three hole punched paper and dividers i don't have my passport i don't have my tickets all i have is a bag bigger on the inside and knowledge that is heavy and inert 03.17 i had a dream where i was getting beat up and then the guy beating me up became my friend i had a dream where a child stapled the part of a plastic bag that keeps it closed 03.16 we had a cigarette outside the waffle house went to the college bar they were playing tigers jaw now it’s snowing and i’m wearing too many clothes and sticking out but staying warm 03.11 curse chooser behind my back a big heart beats triple a through abdomen 03.09 don't you feel weird, shameful or something? you haven't learned enough yet, you haven't learned anything. do you think you know how to feel responsible? do you go home thinking about what you did wrong today? did you ever cry? or stay up at night wondering if you're really helping? 03.08 it was hot today we walked around dreamed of drowning in two inches of water museum parking garage staircase maze my friend takes pictures too 02.28 crying into the sun today feels listless and sweaty, hot cough trapped in the back of the throat i could taste it when i woke up talk of communion is my salvation coming in a clown car or on a ladybug 02.21 i'm sucking on a silk worm pupa insect exoskeleton soft and crunchy legs stuck in my tonsils trapped in big lymphoid pits 02.20 falling through clouds have to shut up coughing holding it in pushing down air is it worth it to trip over arms roll forward become a little ball moving fast 02.18 i feel like a clown i am embarrassing myself again and again but the more i do it the less bad i want to feel about it i'm a clown and that's my job 02.17 not washing not watching everyone is sick and i'm laughing 02.12 overwhelmed in the world whelming slowly wish i had four hours so i could crochet a beanie wish i could sit still long enough to block my inertia 02.11 i keep waking up afraid me and my constant low grade fear last couple episodes of twin peaks s2 are so scary i’m thinking about the difference between a peritonsillar and retropharyngeal abscess 02.07 dream in a dream in a dream last night the dog looked at me and i was scared i slapped you in the face and fell asleep again still in the dream then woke myself then woke myself then woke myself again and couldn't move 02.06 theres a party going on and theyre celebrating brands theres a lecture going on about making art for brands theres a movie on i thought it was a movie its an advertisement im apple paying with my palm now i dont have to sell my soul i am partaking in the humiliation ritual eat from me drink from me all the world a stage all the world a runway all the world a warner bros set and im pee wee herman 02.05 i was poem i am poem im going poem im at the bus stop im judging people bad im writing poems about it i cant stop judging people im on the bus you look like heart failure what did you eat today where is your mother what are you doing what am i doing im on the bus you're on the bus the bus is slow we can't get off yet please pull the string for me this life is slow and we're all rolling shoulder to shoulder i cant stop judging 02.04 thought of each other on the same day would love to bump into you but today im just a clown crawling aground deep in a poem 01.22 can you read to me please i feel stuck at home in the morning have to remember it's okay to leave first 01.21 reading about health and feeling human i am outside while the world works while i would be working and i'm going back from acting to learning 01.20 it’s kind of a sweet thing i was uncool in 2016 and i was uncool in 2017 and 2018 and maybe even still right now but the beautiful things i’ve brought myself to keep coming so im thankful for my past self and all the paths they walked down 01.19 many things are happening do u ever meet someone cool and they’re very nice and they say kind things and people are people for true