lovelag
hello !
let’s be friends !
i miss u !
please send me mail ! __,._
/ _ \
lovelag@protonmail.com | 6 \ \ oo
\___/ .|__||
_,..="^ . , " , \
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ ____ ____ ____ ;.__________________/
"the lost glove is happy"
notes / log (i try to be self aware abt oversharing but also i love2 share):
01.17
i have missed a great many days, do you forgive me
love to flake on friends to flake again and then they flake on me
i have few options ; think i will be lonesome soon
current head circle is porches saying "be-lieves in the STRAP"
01.14
very nutritious salad lunch today
been thinking about when i feel my worst/do worst things, and really i think it's just a sunday feeling
i used to get really depressed on sundays, now my schedule is different so i haven't really felt the correlation but it makes sense
i feel deeply unproductive, and that becomes a guilty sad feeling that turns into everything else
01.12
anna and dasha say a lot of stuff i disagree with but sometimes they say something and i’m like yeah same
a thing they’ve brought up a couple times now is this soviet mindset of not decorating or having like “nice” house because of this immigrant mindset and i really felt that
i have no idea how to decorate an interior bc nothing has ever felt permanent
“no matter how successful or wealthy we get we have to live out of a suitcase for the rest of our lives”
i have never bought a rug or a throw, the only poster on my wall growing up was one my friend got me, i kept one shelf to important things and taped stuff to the inside of it
scarcity mentality lol
01.11
thrift store today, got a skort, a skirt, a sweater, and a turtleneck
lots of cool tones, which i dont usually do
but we'll see ! excited2 wear actual real clothes and not just band merch
01.10
i dont want it i dont want anything i just want to curl up in bed and be unable to cry
01.09
didn’t cry, got coffee with a friend this morning + hopefully tmw will meet their boyfriend !! he seems sweet, we have the same taste in music
things i ate today ( not all in one go, i just think it’s amusing ) : vegan ham and cheese croissant, soft boiled egg, seventeen olives, one cucumber, yogurt with granola, boba, pan de coco, two instant coffees, one bolillo roll with kashkeval
01.08
brink of tears a lot today, hope they dont come at work
i want u to be warm, even if u like the cold
california winters
the braid down my back
almost posted graphic content to twitter,
think i need to draw a thick line for what i show the world and stick to one side of it
01.06
woke up and went back to bed
im alive today, spiritualized energy (listening2 ladies and gentlemen we are floating in space dont text)
i made a cute playlist, all uptempo songs. it's called anti hurt, wonder if the artists r looking
thinking about when frankie cosmos said whats up w my face is it too late or is it gonna change
01.04
wanted to track self hate/self awareness this week but it's really hard to pay attention to,
and im not sure if ive even actively self hated? it is hard to put a finger on it
01.02
today hopefully will be okay,
had a stress dream about work last night, after doing something not ideal
i wonder why i am this way
01.01
new year new something
friend said her resolution was to make it through this year, i relate
gonna try to be aware of my self even if it is ugly and difficult
this year i will try to be a person, a real person
(email tips please, if you feel so inclined)
nearing the end of today,
and i can't cry even though it's all i want.
maybe tomorrow my tears will come
12.29
tell me words that don’t exist
i miss you i miss you
12.28
see, my tank is clean. my room is dirty.
one of my patients is hospice and she was doing poorly last night. i’m glad she has the chance to have a calm and comfortable death, i hope if i ever get really sick someone lets me do the same.
12.27
good morning, im
going back to work today
nothing is important anymore really, need to find some stuff that makes me feel a certain way
i intake and it does not help me
words 4u
- pastel sweetness in the clouds,
- i taste the cold
- and trace my hands
- grounding a fist as i poison my self
- watching as the purples turn to grey
a list of songs updated 01/11
- https://youtu.be/DmxL9ncbWDA (heroin party - if i cleaned everything would you come back)
- https://youtu.be/5OX3b81MP-4 (they are gutting a body of water - ES beautyhand)
- https://youtu.be/oQFIDZBlxCY (kitty - 285)
- https://youtu.be/JT-7voHStmk (worst party ever - things change)
- https://youtu.be/kryuiydSOCI (crying - wool in the wash)
- https://youtu.be/ukd-WHXzyY0 (daniel johnston - true love will find you in the end)
- https://youtu.be/Gfc8FaI1mIs (wicca phase springs eternal - i wanna go out tonight)
bevs
- coffee (pourover)
- coffee (instant)
- pedialyte
- black tea
- broth
thoughts atm
- last thing i baked
- blood orange pound cake (01/07)
- //
- more thoughts :
- a sore body, still begging to hold
- //
- date of last cry:
- 01/09
- //
- even more thoughts:
- a very very long stairway leads to a star
find me online
- http://zineclub.club
- https://www.are.na/ga-sh
- https://bit.ly/2VHWI95