15 January 🦔 i think i mostly only lust when i feel unwanted, or annoying, just trying to prove that im not, in a drowning kind of way; performing for myself what good is an empty home? you are all you have 14 January 🦔 thinking about lilypad's shadows and haunted carnival (neopets, ICP, et cetera) got asked out on a date, but im unsure what to do about it; still making progress on videogame, working on dialogue system / converting spreadsheet into json; walked 4 hours today; should feel less numb when the semester starts hopefully almost 1 month blogging!!! terribly inconsistent person / mild proud of my self "For Chaucer, Acedia (sloth) consists of languishing and holding back, refusing to undertake works of goodness because, they tell themselves, the circumstances surrounding the establishment of good are too grievous and too difficult to suffer ... to him (Dante) it was the "middle sin", the only one characterised by an absence or insufficiency of love." 13 January 🦔 wanting to try screen printing, brown ink on red ink on red paper scared for school to start, but feeling optimistic :) update: no art classes are waitlist yet!! woot!! still really panicky while texting, but trying not to react to it as much "plays a beautiful trick on us" 12 January 🦔 k-holed in the shower and prayed-ish, Very Very Good my d20 rolls: 14, 15, 16, 12, 2, 2 workin on sculpture ✨✨ message me if u want pics! about summoning synthetic memories https://maplestory.wiki/GMS/210.1.1/item?overallCategory=Equip&page=1&category=Secondary%20Weapon&subCategory=Card (made a twitter! @ tewwowism, if ur inclined ☆🌱) https://youtu.be/BRHU_pjK7x8 11 January 🦔 feeling strange ;( i don't think i know how to handle feeling good lol, regressing quickly trying2 finish something before i feel bad again rolling d20, listening2 jaco pastorius (update: feeling good!! sunrise is nice today :) 10 January 🦔 feeling really inspired :') wowow decorating castle in the sky!! like, 2 years worth of thoughts falling into place in my brain, puzzle pieces, 911/Laputa/Excalibur, will share progress soon hopefully ★ "your presence has extended the night" a wish is not an action but a place https://www.db.yugioh-card.com/yugiohdb/card_search.action?ope=2&cid=14797 8 January 🦔 feeling whole for the first time in a long time :) doing my best!! <3 softest knight, white pink 6 January 🦔 was feeling very hopeful this morning, trying to remember but it is hard; crying spells, annulment, thinking of getting "unlovable" tattood on my ribcage (this is very emo im sorry, feeling harsh rn) a snail with no shell sunsets somewhere else working on videogame still! making a home for my self 🐌 3 January 🦔 i forgot that snow glitters!!! wow feeling very bad :( in night ill stay in night ill stay 2 January 🦔 thinking about "treasure" as a verb DIY Excalibur feeling ok 🌱🌱 videogame is going ok 🌱🌱 1 January 🦔 starting a drain gang cover band 31 December ☃ gave you my ikea heart you never gave me yours :( grandpa said some really ugly things to me today, feeling very lonely about it, just lonely all ways, mirror in pitch dark reflects nothing, truest self, Galatea smthng smthng fortune cookie said "☺ Your future is as boundless as / the lofty heavens. ☺" but, if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? i hope i am worth caring about 28 December ☃ drove past drive thru liquor store weeping hugging bathroom floor, pitch dark basement all alone now i am pining, but it is ok pouring love into videogame; renamed it back to Galatea happy you were my last kiss <3 27 December ☃ eating ziploc bag ham at the airport blew on an eyelash and wished for nothing at all (in the best way) 25 December ☃ blessed are books which burned for warmth fell into it, fell out of it, new fish color ✨✨ thinking of bile and heaven 24 December ☃ ★ loveless is my birthright ★ because i cant remember ★ trying2 pinpoint when ur eyes changed ***not pining, just really wish things happened differently; idk, thinking of u ☆♡ friend gave me a pep talk, and i wrote some of it down so i wouldn’t forget; very grateful for my new-ish RPG party, i hope to make them proud 😤 translating heartbreak into WORK ETHIC 😤😤 worked on videogame lots today dad kept pushing me to drink with him and i evaded lol Christmas Eve was kinda nice tho, i hope your night is also kinda nice, reader :) (gonna email some fish soon maybe!! pushing myself, emails are terrifying) https://www.spriters-resource.com/pc_computer/maplestory/sheet/21708/ a good fish 4u 🌌🐡 22 December ☃ excited about this https://maplestory.wiki/GMS/210.1.1/map 21 December ☃ my mom bought blackout curtains so my rooms in twilight forever really pretty shades of blue and red from the muted light, but prolly not amazing for my mental health lol tried responding to some texts today, but sometimes I don't know the correct answer, which is terrifying (also anxiety regression bc holidays) was really hopeful yesterday, trying2 actively remember that ☆★ procedural generation still kicking my ass but less hard :triumph: 20 December ☃ a wish to wish for anything at all mulling over my lack of object permanence, but for people feeling like a mussel today @slug ur December 15th entry was really touching, tyty 🐌🍀 19 December ☃ holidays are hard, hope you all are doing well <3 woke up at 3am for most of the month but 1 espresso ruined it all smh very excited to play Catan with friends soon, finished a playable level on videogame today :) i dont think ive ever been held while crying? (that i can remember) friend told me nothings wrong with me sorry for lots of things 18 December ☃ procedural generation is kicking my ass / had to watch the same video over and over again, trying not2 get discouraged ;( id like to try making concrete snowglobes; still on the lookout for new materials/textures feeling bad about not wishing my good friend happy birthday last month the number “1616” is very pretty might visit an art gallery in LA next week, mildly excited