tulip @anglerfish
3.15.2026
#8ba2d0
six years since my last entry. in that time, i've transitioned, gained weight, grown older, quit smoking, and moved states approximately six times. i was one of the first users on this site, i'm realizing! in the second screenshot on the "about" page, you can see my former username, "pinkskies."
i'm in a fiction writing mfa program now, and i feel my chronic future-mindedness beginning to pay off. "i'm excited for the future," i wrote in my last entry, dated 3.10.20. i wrote that the day after quarantine was announced.
quarantine was when i started my novel in earnest. i wrote the first few paragraphs at seventeen, but it wasn't until more than two years later, in the madness of quarantine, that i began to cling to it like a life raft. now, it's at 44,000 words, almost done, almost born. i can't believe it.
i almost cried tonight watching an episode of bob's burgers. it was season 15, episode 8. it was recommended to me by a friend who also has a sister. they told me it made them cry. i watched it for the first time about six months ago and i did cry. i sent them a selfie of me crying at the time. rewatching it tonight, i did feel a prick in my eyes, but it wasn't as painful. my sister and i have reconnected recently. i love her so much.
lately i've been doing a lot of freewriting, from a book called 365: prompts, acts, divinations. it's by lucy ives. i really like it so far. it's freeing me up, quieting my inner critic momentarily. i want to publish some of that writing here, but i'm kind of against publishing fiction for free online these days. it's either good, in which case i would want to publish it in a real journal eventually, which means i can't publish it online; or it's bad, in which case why would i publish it?
i think i am lonely, even though there are a lot of people who love me. right now i'm at my desk, looking at all the scraps of paper i have pinned up. photo booth strips, notes from friends, polaroids, christmas cards. proof that i'm liked, and loved. it feels almost defensive.
i just noticed that, like in my last entry, i just ate some popcorn and some chocolate.
3.10.20
today has good numerology. it is 1:45 am so it's only technically the 10th. to me it still feels like the 9th. i'm happy right now. i just ate some popcorn and some chocolate. i just facetimed a friend. i'm pleasantly high. i wrote a lot today and enjoyed the sunshine. i'm excited for the future.
Last updated: Monday, March 16, 2026
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current songs
- lovers rock by sade
- sin triangle by sidney gish
- if she could see me now by lorde
- chinese cafe/unchained melody by joni mitchell
- simulation swarm by big thief
- red bird by soup dreams
- back baby by jessica pratt
- bug like an angel by mitski
- gap year by wesley preis
- the void / madison by sadurn
- good heart by indigo de souza
- song for sharon by joni mitchell
books i love
- autobiography of red by anne carson
- the bluest eye by toni morrison
- frankenstein (1818) by mary shelley
- who will run the frog hospital? by lorrie moore
- the bell jar by sylvia plath
- persuasion by jane austen
- a visit from the goon squad by jennifer egan
- sula by toni morrison
- in the dream house by carmen maria machado
- lucy by jamaica kincaid
- the catcher in the rye by jd salinger
- i know why the caged bird sings by maya angelou
- I am your mother, and we are kind to snails.
books im currently reading
- marlena by julie buntin
- i who have never known men by jacqueline harpman
- palo alto by malcolm harris
- beloved by toni morrison