internet story

• my first girlfriend wrote me endless love letters on http://letterstocrushes.com/
• — and i still treasure them —
• we were fourteen; it was sweet.
• after we broke up, we stopped talking, harbored hard feelings. one night from an ambiguous facebook post i got wind that she was dating someone new,
• someone i had long admired,
• and i confirmed it, i confirmed it for myself, by reading all the new love letters she had written.

songs that make me ask why i ever listen to anything else

• kurt vile's "pretty pimpin"
• brahms' geistliches lied, op. 30
• owen pallett's "in conflict"
• gaelynn lea's "someday we'll linger in the sun"

thoughts for the future

• conversation diagramming
• worksheets from readings
• college class choice system
• design a quilt
• mnemonic medium

internet story 2

• i linked to his blog on my website. my website was new and his blog was old and beloved.
• i didn't think twice about it. in the meantime, i learned lots — like that analytics exist.
• so when he put out a new post, i got curious. view source, i inquired, and of course there it was — a little google analytics tracker.
• it made me smile. i suppose there are backlinks on the internet.
• the next day we were talking, and he asked to make a confession.
• he explained: he has google analytics on his blog, and every month or so, he checks in on the referring links—
• he'd seen some traffic coming from an unfamiliar site, and he investigated.
• he knew it was me. — there probably weren't *two* people with sestina prompters, he said —
• — it was hanging heavy in his heart, like this was privacy compromised, although it was not. i reassured him.
• so that is how my dearest friend stumbled upon my website.

a list of lists i had not written c. 2017, abridged

• times i tried to believe in god
• friends i lost
• sentences in books i gasped at
• things i will never say to you
• things i should not say to you, but probably will
• times i flinched during sex
• places i wept
• times i felt like i looked like myself
• doors i walked through
• dates i counted down to
• secrets you shared with me
• prayers i was too afraid to pray

• today i learned that there is a picture of me in osculation on the internet
• (it's on a stage, we were acting — although, months later, this counterpart from the play did confess feelings for me)
• ((it wasn't a surprise; it was unreciprocated.))

poems i mutter to myself

• living under the digestive system
• the shrinking lonesome sestina
• the world is too much with us
• you mustn't be afraid, god

homes, past and present

• https://publicerrata-blog.tumblr.com/
• https://www.instagram.com/onwardlyfaring/
• https://onwardlyfaring.neocities.org/
• https://onwardlyfaring.com/

• one day i will start emailing people who list an email here