9 times out of 10 when i encounter a [white] liberal who is gung ho about deia stuff, they appear very nervous to me. i often wonder what they are so afraid of and why they feel the need to perform their "inclusivity" so hard? if you're so great at coexisting with folks who are unlike you, shouldn't it come naturally? what you so nervous about? after many years of dealing with and working with these types of folks, i think i know what it is. deia has failed not because it takes away opportunities from people who deserve them (lol) or any of that nonsense. it has failed because it's an insincere tactic often used by powerful people to further their own agendas and evade their deep seated problems. i see it *all*the*time* and it's stunning! . . . talked to my group about how losing my dad has resulted in me seeking external validation and approval, almost like a child. it's interesting because i didn't know that this was happening until i talked about it, or i wasn't aware of it in this way. it's not easy to explain, but losing someone who knows you so well and supports you in a way that can't be replicated . . . it is a difficult adjustment and for some reason i find myself surrounded by people who somehow don't understand that or choose not to. i used to be a workaholic and now i am not, but i am tasked with negotiating my old self and present "self", not internally but externally to people who do not care about me. something has suddenly clicked this week because i am less concerned with the outside approvals and validation. i do not care anymore; if you ask for my opinion i will give it. i'm trying to avoid swinging in the opposite direction and saying/doing things that are reactive in nature, but i also don't know how to care about that right now. i am so bored with the things that i am asked to do, so angry at those who expect me to shrink, so unimpressed and confused, and happy to finally listen to myself. i never wanted approval, really. i wanted and want something else. . 2026 motto is you do you, imma do me 🥰 . . . i love dogs. . my brain hurts. . . . listening to roberta flack after watching waiting to exhale -- one of the worst movies ever made! ❤️