wanna play this on a motorola krazr: https://youtu.be/_uYfq03xaXw
took transit home after acupuncture yesterday, which included a blue line ride to the loop and a bus ride to hyde park. the trip took forever in a good way; chicago's slow and inefficient transit system is a nice exercise in having faith in a higher power. on state street, while waiting for the bus, i saw a jeep with the american flag printed on the back. it was blasting drake's song "successful." back on the blue line the train conductor made it very clear that people must have masks on before entering. his intercom audio was very crunchy. speaking of which, my favorite passenger noise on the bus or train is music that's playing from somebody's phone, without headphones, because it prompts people to be quiet. does this still happen? it had a stronger effect when phones were kinda crummy but advanced enough to play mp3's. songs were definitely identifiable but distorted enough to reflect the different pages we were on, different impressions of the song, different pathways between our respective starts & destinations. it took a little longer to recognize the song back then. u know what i mean?
stressing out about moving and slowly taking out my braids.
it's a warm and beautiful day in chicago and also kanye west's birthday.
last night i took a benadryl before going to bed. i slept like a baby and woke up to the hum of my a/c. i checked my family’s group chat on whatsapp and then turned off my a/c before going to the bathroom. my dad sent something sweet and my siblings responded. my mom sent a video. i sent some tulip emojis. i haven’t washed my face yet. tomorrow is my mom’s birthday.
i can hear my neighbor’s a/c below me; the hum is distant but also constant in its slow, muddy something. i guess i like the consistency of the neighboring hum because it makes me think of the cool air that once traveled into my bedroom via memory and senses and imaginative devices. since the cool air is no longer here with me, i must sit with my body’s warmth and imagine how that distant hum might translate to a cooler input, mingling with my warm output. maybe i’ll elaborate on another day. maybe not.
i’ve told a couple friends that i don’t know how to write cohesive things anymore. my writing is always scrappy these days. i can only write scraps. i used to write a lot of emails, now i avoid them. i used to write journal entries on random envelopes and notebook pages without even thinking about it. i haven’t done that in a while.
pre-pandemic, writing helped me make sense of the uncomfortable interactions that i had with people face-to-face. the things i couldn’t say in-person were expressed in my writing. these days i don’t have as many awkward interactions face-to-face. i’m more likely to have them at a distance -- over zoom, phone, etc. and it’s not the same because everyone seems to agree that remote communication is awkward.
my room is getting a little too warm. i think i’ll take a shower then go on a hot girl walk to a vegan restaurant and call my friend maryam and gossip.