2024/06/16 This is day 2 of the medication. Last night, after taking the meds, I slept relatively deeply. I noticed a change in the quality of my sleep and the feeling when I woke up. As the day progressed, I could feel the medicine in my body, taking me back to sleep, and making me feel heavy and tired. I met three friends of mine today. It was a long, tiring day, but definitely needed it. Now back to melancholy. I've been thinking about the idea of love lately. What a blessing to be consumed and burned by love. What a mystery to have felt the loss of self when one turns into ashes. What a misery to have lost the fire that once burned the love in our souls. 2024/06/15 I'm reading Forty Rules of Love. According to some, forty is an auspicious and significant number. I don't know, but it did make me curious. I went to the psychiatrist today. It's been more than 20 days now since I've been crying everyday during some part of the day. I have accepted this part of myself, but I'm a tired pigeon at the moment. Being in tears and meeting my deep, dark demons is not scary for me anymore. I just wish if I wasn't so tired. This is an important phase in my journey and life. Something is changing within me and I'm mourning the loss of a part of myself. I am somebody, yet nobody. I am curious to see who i become in the next forty days. Let's say, this is day one. I'll take each day as it comes, until it's forty. 2024/06/14 Back to special fish after four years. So much has happened; a lot has changed; Yet, not a lot has changed. I can still feel the intensity of melancholy and profound sadness that life has to offer. It's hard to decipher the sadness within when on the surface, things seem to be going fine. From the outside, all appears well, and the oceans of sorrow within bring calmness to the fire. This fire is lighting the waters, unwashed, far away from the shore. This fire is on a journey, to different shores. 2020/06/12 Today and yesterday, I slept for most of the day - which obviously made it difficult for me to fall asleep. I had some good conversations with a few friends, and that was worth it. My brain felt like a sweet potato - just lying around for a long time, still edible. 2020/06/10 Today was good. Can't think of any fruit that I am today. 2020/06/09 Dont know about today but at the moment my brain feels like a fresh dark plum. Velvety red, and ripe with juice. Sweet and slurping through the mouth. 2020/06/06 Can't even keep a track of what date it is. Yesferday, I felt like a squished banana - mud brown skin and losing its inner integrity with all the mushy-ness. Has started tasting more sour than acceptable. 2020/06/04 Did not go ahead with fruity description yesterday. Today, my brain feels like a potato - that has grown some three to four tiny pale green buds, with a small part on one of the sides gone bad - feels squishy and smells fermented. A friend says that it has become the perfect potato for vodka. For me, making vodka isn't in the plan. 2020/06/03 The MET department has predicted a cyclone today in Mumbai. Warnings have been given, forces have been put on stand by. Here, I see the wind speed increasing and decreasing with time - same is with the rain. Which fruit will I be today? My brain is moving towards feeling like a piece of watermelon - not a full watermelon, but just a piece. What kind? We will see. 2020/06/02 Today I did not feel like any fruit. Strange. 2020/06/01 It rained today. Monsoons are arriving. I woke up with the smell of wet dirt - the sign of first rain. I forgot about all the fruits that my brain was feeling like. And now it is the end of day. I am back to the fruity talk. Today my brain feels like a cheeku - not ripe enough, and not very raw - a tinge of green in the pulp - crisp when taken a bite into - dry, mildly bitter - and the smooth sensation of the seed that now needs to spit out. The experience gave some nourishment, but not the flavour it was supposed to have. 2020/05/31 Today my brain feels like an over ripe jaamun which has fallen on the soily ground from the tree. It has wrinkles on its skin, is soft, dark purple and can be eaten after washing. It tastes sweet-ish. 2020/05/30 Today my brain feels like a piece of ripe custard apple - big seed, too little to eat. 2020/05/29 Today my brain feels like an old lemon - forgotten in the fridge, under the file of other vegetables - the zest brown and spotty, but still juicy inside - difficult to squeeze the juice out though because of the old hard zest.